This is the most selfish, self-indulgent stufff I have ever written.

[twistedtempted]

Posted about this a few weeks ago, and I am so ashamed of myself because I pretty much ignored the advice.

Since being in touch with this man (was madly in love with him for yrs before dh), we have been emailing each other/flirting every day. I really don't want to cheat on dh. We have a seemingly perfect marriage; he is kind, a great father and we have everything in common.

But this how I am feeling at the moment...

I can't stop thinking about this other, it feels like I'm physically aching for him. He has been on my mind every second of the day to the point where I feel I can't think straight anymore. I can barely sleep, and spring out of bed eager to 'talk' to him again every day .

Have lost all interest in food, and feel like I'm just going through the motions of family life in a trance. Worst of all I can feel myself starting to resent dh. I feel ridiculously 'high' and sick at the same time, and spend most days in a daydream.

I love my life with dh and feel I have everything I ever wanted, and would never want to lose that, but I also feel quite trapped by it all too?!

I don't want an affair, I really just crave one eveining spent with this man, like it used to be before, and I feel gutted that I can't. How pathetically spoilt does that sound?

I love dh with all my heart but have never experienced that 'butterflies in stomach' feeling with him - feels so trecherous just writing that!

I seriously doubt me and the other man would ever have a proper relationship so it's not as though I can imgaine that. He represents all of the fun I used to have before...and I want some of that back too.

Surely I should never even think these things if I truly love dh?

I know I am being a horrible person, my head is a total mess.

Hiya fbg. No not really made decisions tbh. We are still 'chatting'.Meeting would be tricky for various reasons anyway - so is not likely to be imminent iyswim?

How about you - you sound as if you're not in a much better place than I am?

Let me just say this -

If you want to leave your marriage leave it.

If you carry on talking to this guy it will lead somewhere and it will all end in tears.

I said what needed to be said when mine rang me this morning (couldn't get new phone yesterday) and I am wrecked with what I have done to my DH. OH and I talked about meeting next week. I understood the feelings I had for him and felt this would be okay to meet as it would be a one off but naturally DH went ballistic and I went to bed and woke up feeling sick and like my marriage was over. I feel better now I have said what I wanted to say to OM and he gave me the answer I wanted and now I have to try again to make ut up to DH. I was getting somewhere and I will do it this time as I never want to have last night again.

I have been an idiot. Step away now.

Oh dear . So you talked about meeting this om to your dh last night and argued about it?

I told him he had rung as I didn't have anything to hide. I felt me and om would just be friends as I had changed how I felt about him. I only told DH so that he didn't think there was anything untoward going on. We didn't really argue as such. We had a chat and he was quite clear in what he wanted. I agreed to no contact at all as he doens't want me to have any, regardless of me wanting to be friends. It is a mess as I have felt so close to DH these last few weeks and have no friends so this felt nice to have a friend with the extra stuff worked through.

I just want to see DH but I can't get him on the phone.

trouble is it probably wouldnt be enough.. cos then you would have had a taste of something new and exciting , and then you wouldnt be able to stop ......been there !

It has taken a while but I got to say to him (om) this morning what had been the stumbling block to completely stopping all contact and while I came off the phone in tears, all I want to do now is see my husband and put it right. Have bought him beer and cream horns as a treat and have already apologised so many times. I am a stupid stupid girl who is lucky she has a thoroughly decent man as her husband. I never wanted to leave my DH. Was just very confused at having feelings for 2 men.

I hope you manage to sort it out with your dh fbg, he sounds very understanding.

For me the desire just to feel how I used to feel back then (although I was probably miserable really) is just so strong at the moment. It's just one of those situations where there is a spoiled and selfish part of me wishing I could turn back the clock and have another crack at it [sigh]. Completely irrational.

I understand that.

I struggle so much with being a mum and just wanted some excitement too. Unforgivable when Dh is the loveliest man in the world and I was just being very selfish and superficial.

DH did everything he could to fix what I felt was wrong and he feels I have hurt him all over again. It is irrelevant to him that my feelings for this other man have changed.

I can't get him on the phone.

Is he at work? How did you leave it this morning?

My life just feels so serious at the moment. Classic (early) mid-life crisis type claptrap but it really is true!

Yes, and he has a very busy day. Was hoping to go and meet him for much but DS didn't want to go and with not being able to speak to Dh, it is too late to go now.

I apologised again this morning. He kissed me good bye and then I went and got another 2 as we have a rule of 3 good bye kisses in the morning.

I phoned him about 10 to apologise again and to ask that we forget all about it and just get on with out lives. He agreed.

Hi,

Just to say, we ALL struggle with the way our lives change when we become mums, especially SAHMs, but you need to find other ways to feel better about yourself.

Imagine your DH was doing what you are doing. How would you feel?

This is escapism, but it is not harmless. As others have said, this is already taking your mental and emotional energy away from where it should be - you DCs. You created them with your DH, and you have a duty to work with him to keep that unit strong.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Custardo put it very well, albeit quite strongly

What you are 'feeling' is a chemical imbalance in your brain. Seriously. Its purpose is to make sure as many humans reproduce as possible.

I would love one night with Jon Bon Jovi but it is a fantasy , nothing more.

Send your dh a filthy text.

It doesn't sound harsh at all. Very kind actually.

I have totally learnt my lesson. I managed a few weeks so have done it before and can do it again. That was when I wanted more and now it should be easier as I feel I am just saying good bye to a friendship.

FBG, thanks . My last post wasn't aimed at you.

Good luck with your struggles!

It is sad when you feel like you have let the one who got away, well- get away but if I were you I would definately not meet him. It will make things worse. Try to move on and make the most of your wonderful life.

some times you just have to put everyone else first.

No - you are NOT sacrificing everything for everyone else. You are also protecting yourself by doing the sensible thing. Do you really, deep down, think that if you acted on your impulse it would end well? Or would you end up feeling guilty, ashamed and like a total git? Ask most people on here whose H or DP / DW has had an affair about whether the party who acted regrets it - and even if they left to be with the other person in the end I bet they say yes. You don't want to put yourself through that misery.

Not sure if you are talking to me or the OP but OM and I talked the other day and agreed it was all or nothing and we have decided it is nothing for me and him. We both love our spouses and have tried being friends. It doesn't work so we have said goodbye.

I know it is for the best. I have been weak and stupid and will never go there again.

i think that's a very wise decision.i hope you are feeling ok about it. i mean , at peace, knowing you have done the right thing. for yourselves, as well as for your families.

its only natural to be sad and to grieve a bit

Thanks Kristina.

There have been developments, DH and I were up really late talking and we both said everything and made a decision.

We will be fine.

PIL having the children already this weekend and it has worked out well tbh so we can have time alone.

Thats goo then FABULOUSBG.... happier situation altogether. Best of LUck. Enjoy the child free w/end.

GOOD sorry , not Goo. lol

For a while it felt for both of us that it was going to be goo. We were brave and honest and took a chance and said what we needed too.

Thanks everyone for your support and kindness.

twistedtempted - how are things?