Here's another thing I need to get off my chest.
I've been hiding DH's alcoholism from my family for more than a decade. His parents are dead (they were alcoholics too btw) and DH really looks up to my dad and step mum, seeing them as sort of replacement parents. I didn't want to spoil that for him or betray him by spilling the beans.
Earlier this year, for some reason, I told dad about his alcohol problem. I was feeling low, and I wanted my dad to know about what has become a massive source of stress and sadness in my life. Maybe part of me thought that ass a retired GP, and the father I have idolised my whole life, dad would be able to wave a magic wand and make everything better.
Dad was concerned and upset, and asked me if I wanted him to talk to DH about it. I said no because I thought DH would be very upset with me for going behind his back and telling dad. The one thing dad did say he would do, was to stop drinking himself for a while, to set an example, as he knows DH looks up to him.
A few weeks later, we all went on a big family holiday together, and before we left dad asked me how I wanted to handle the alcohol issue. I said that DH would find it odd if no one was drinking at all on holiday so could we just drink 'normally' as in, sharing a bottle of wine on some nights and not drinking at all on others.
We were away for 2 weeks. Dad brought a stash of wine. In 2 whole weeks, only ONCE was wine not offered. And I suspect that night was probably down to my step mum reminding dad about what we'd agreed. In fairness, DH drank much less than he normally would because he couldn't have a whole bottle and then some all to himself. But I felt totally let down by dad, who I thought was supposed to be setting an example of 'normal' drinking habits.
When I come to think about it, as I was growing up I dad always had a glass of wine or two every night, unless he was on call. He never drinks until he is drunk but he does drink every night. Could he be an alcoholic too? Does one or two glasses every night make an alcoholic, if that person seems to find it very difficult not to have that one glass? Is there a difference between a habit and a dependance and an addiction?
My dad has never let me down in any single thing in my life before this. It took me 12 years to tell him what was going on and now I wish I hadn't because I feel even more alone than before. At least then, I always had the thought that all I would have to do was tell dad and he would take me home and look after me. But that's just the little girl inside me talking. I'm 35 years old, I have to look after myself and my own DD.
Sorry, that was quite a ramble. Thanks if you're still reading.