Where has uhuru's thread gone???

[pinkroses]

Has it been deleted?? What has happened?? There was nothing bad in it, was there???

[piffle]

If Uhuru wants I saved the thread so that if she needed any of the supportive comments to re read, she could have them
I to hope you're ok and glad to hear you and dh are talking and getting somewhere - I do hope he takes the time out and prioritises your marriage, this may show you that he is sincere.
Good luck petal

[Uhuru]

Thank you Piffle - that's so kind.

[Uhuru]

DH will be home in about an hour - starting to get a bit of a knot in my stomach now - wondering whether I was being blinded by my love for him before - he did sleep with her didn't he? If not, why did he conceal the friendship? Why did he lie about the phonecall? Why did he call her from a callbox when he had his mobile with him? Why did he not admit the phonecall until after they had had a chance to speak, thought they had been rumbled and get their stories straight?

Sorry I am not being very sensible or strong now am i? The pain just hits me like a wave now and then. How can I help myself?

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[bossykate]

good luck, uhuru.

[Uhuru]

Trying to be calm and reasonable - was very upset last night but better today - told DH today that I do want to work things out and that I do love him but if he ever tells me lies again I will kill him. Also told him that if he does do it again then he is the most stupid man I know nad I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a stupid man.
Don't think for a second that this is the end of it - the pain and sadness hits me in waaves but I am trying to cope.

Also DD has been very ill today - chucking up more than she has drunk - eaten nothing all day - that we are both very worried about her - shows you what is really important heh?

Thank to you all for all your support and advice - no doulbt I will be beck when the pain returns.

Will keep you all posted.
x

[dinosaur]

Hi uhuru - how are things?

[Marina]

Yes, I wondered. Bank holidays, with their "Compulsory nuclear family fun" requirement, can be so hard when things are wobbling. How goes it Uhuru?

[Lizzylou]

Hope you are Ok, Uhuru xxx

[bossykate]

or is that "compulsory family fun goes nuclear"?

we have had a tetchy old w/e in our house...

how are you, uhuru?

[Uhuru]

Hi everyone - thanks for thinking of me - weekend was ok - I was determined that it was going to be for DD's sake. Last night asked DH if he had had a nice weekend - he said yes and I told him that that is what we have the potential to lose if we mess up. Also brought up counselling again - told him I would like us to go as I need to understand how we have got to this point. BUT as we were all getting ready this morning wavs of depair started coming over me again - she will be at work, how do I know what he is doing all day at work, considering what has happened it really does sound as if he has had/ is having/ or is in danger of having an affair.

To hi scredit he has been Mr attentive this weekend but I wonder if he is buttering me up so he can carry on IYSWIM.

Sorry not very coherent or well thought out.

[Blu]

Oh, poor you. I am not surprised that you are feeling a bit wobbly - this is exactly waht his actions so far have stirred up. Hang on in there, Uhuru, it can't be easy for you, but if he's committed to working it out, and re-building trust in his marriage, he will, and this feeling will start to recede. Well done for a good w/e.
I have been thinking of you.

[Uhuru]

Hmm - I have now got her address? What should I do with this info? I think she might be separated so I don't know if her husband lives there or not but I did consider sending a letter to MR x, and in it telling him to keep his wife away from my husband - either she will open it and know that I am on to her or she will pass it to him!

What do you think?

[FLUM]

sorry not read all - are you absolutely sure he is having the affair?

if not really you must use private detective to find out for certain.

if you are sure. I would try to get her number and speak to her directly.

[gggglimpopo]

I think if you do that you will set the proverbial cat fluttering amongst the pigeons - if yr dh IS being good and trying to make good, you will undermine his current efforts. Methinks letter = bad idea.

[koalabear]

Uhuru - been following this, and it goes without saying, that I wish you all the best

I wouldn't send a letter, or anything like that (it probably wouldn't do any good if they are separated anyway, and could possibly makes things worse)

Your DH has been told - he knows what he has to do - work on your marriage now, and save your energy for that

He will either do the right thing by you, or NOT

You will need your energy to deal with him if he chooses the NOT option

We are all here for you - your E-Friends x

[Lizzylou]

Goodness Uhuru, not really sure....this may just cause further probs for you and DH, I'd sit on the info and only use it IF (and that's a massive IF) you need to. Don't alienate your DH when you are trying to work through this.

[Uhuru]

How about just sending her something horrible in the post then?

[Lizzylou]

Very tempting, I agree, but I think you may regret it, you little minx, you!!!!

I could send something from up north if you like....she'd never know it was from you then!!!!

Joke!!!

[Uhuru]

It is tempting of course - the thing that winds me up is thatthey still talk - I have spoken to DH this morning and he told me that they have had a chat about work issues - didn't elaborate any more.

No wonder my brain is in overdrive.

[Blu]

Uhuru - if you can do it absolutely anonymously - and she won't guess, get her sent a steady stream of info from cockroach extermination and incontinence products - it might help you feel better.

But, IMHO, I think that the 'threat' of other parties getting to hear is your most powerful weapon. Making a victim of her will (with no shred of justice) throw her and youyr DH together. If he's innocent he'll be outraged that she has been unjustly targetted, if he's guilty, it will throw them together, esp if woman's DP throws her out as a result!

Keep your powder dry in case it is ever needed.

[Lizzylou]

Just concentrate on you and your DH and try and put her to the back of your mind, otherwise you will annoy DH...........she really doesn't sound like she is deserving of your time and energy...

As my Mom says "She doesn't deserve space in your head" ........or something??!!

I know it's hard, but he's your DH, you have the position of power here, not her, by stressing over her you give her mmore importnace than she is worthy of!

[Uhuru]

How about a load of stuff from private investigtors - is your husband cheating? Or from those swinging sites?

[Blu]

Uhurau - hee hee - but no, she will guess! They have to seem innnocent and random.
or just fantasise about really horrible revenge - but don't do any of it.

In principle, I agree with Lizzylou, but not many of us have that degree of iron will!

Make a wax model of her (I expect play-dough would suffice) and stick rice crispies all over the face to represent a huge acne attack. Perhaps give her a bad thrush outbreak too, halitosis and dandruff.

That might help