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Original poster

I feel so sad and depressed today I should be happy but I'm not and have finally realised how s**t my parents are.

38 replies

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 10:39

We have just returned from a 1500 mile round trip for two nights so that we could see my mum and dad with our lo.
We only get to see them once a year due to cost and where they live etc.
My dh last week surprised me and said lets go and see them [we were gonna give it a miss this year] as I said it takes us 24hrs to get there with the driving and ferries and the cost.
Well we wnt and I wish I had not bothered.
We have to stay in rented accomadation-fair enough, but not once were we offered a hot meal, we felt like we were in the way when we were there,just crap really.
We spent all the journey breking our balls to get there and building it all up to our lo for what?
I feel gutted that I have wasted over 500 pounds for nothing.
sorry I know it seems like a whingeing me me rant but I just feel so let down.
my dh is like thsi
they were more worried abouth their dogs than playing with our lo [cos of the noise he makes ]
aarggh sorry I know I just am so mad I am not making much sense.

OP posts:
MuffinBaker · 14/04/2009 10:41

You poor thing.

Did you not speak to them about it?

Is it the first time they have seen your child?

What are you going to do in the future?

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 10:42

dog people are bonkers, they'll probably like your ds more once he can sit up and extend a paw. i'm sorry you had a rotten time but you've basically learned a lesson there. what's your relationship like normally, do you speak on the phone often etc?

monkeypinkmonkey · 14/04/2009 10:43

Was it a last minute decision i.e. were they prepared for you?

GooseyLoosey · 14/04/2009 10:43

Can you ask them to come and see you in the future (and leave the dog in kennels!)

expatinscotland · 14/04/2009 10:43

Don't go anymore.

Let them come to you.

That sounds shite.

Original poster
IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 10:54

nope it's not the first time they have seen him -he is 3 so tis their 4th time.
I could 'nt speak to them about it -they think I am supersensitive anyway so it would have just all ended in tears.
On the day we arrived having driven for 24hrs my mum produced some cold meats and bread and said I'm not really up to cooking [she has ongoing ill health] so yoa will have to have this to which I replied leave it do'nt worry we will go to the pub in a kind of voice.
my dad can cook -they do normally have at least one hot meal a day.
fgs thaey could have just done a plate of pasta.
the next day we went to thirs at arond 10.30 and by 4 ish were making noises that it was tiring so we went home and then it was the same and ended with us going even earlier as ds started his 'witching' hour.
we were leaving early the nxt day so I said well we best say our goodbyes now unless you want to come down to ours and I got well we don't think so we'll see.
So we drove for 24 f*g hours ,saw them for a total of 9hrs and thendrove for another 24 hrs to get home and today have not even had a phonecall to see if we got home ok.
W will not be going again.
I just feel so sad for my little man he has no other grandparents and we have no other family.
And get this I actually asked my parents if we could go ,whether it would be a good time and was told the would be 'delighted' to see us
Well Fk me if that is delighted.
I am sorry about all the swearing but as said I am soo upset. and dh vvv

OP posts:
compo · 14/04/2009 11:01

why did you drive for 24 hours?
wasn't there somewhere you could have stayed on the way?
what on earth did your lo do in the car for 24 hours?
do you ever invite them to your house? maybe next time arrange to go out for dinner at lunchtime?

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/04/2009 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 11:09

they don't 'travel' my mum as said has ongoing ill health.
We did not drive continuously we kept taking breaks and also we had to catch a couple of ferries and he slept for a bit and then we read and did colouring in etc for the other bits.
We did offer them to come to our 'rented' house but they refused and was actually asked on the sunday what are you cooking for your tea tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 11:12

we live in midland sand they live in the orknies so we have to tie in two ferries even flying cos of where they live takes two days cos of tying everything in.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 11:13

i think you're maybe going overboard on the tea thing, tbh. you were staying in rented accomodation, they were tiring by the afternoon you said, is it so bad that they thought you'd be going back to yours for tea?

chequersmate · 14/04/2009 11:15

Dog people are bonkers. Eh? What are dog people?

Me, DH, DD and our dog have just returned from a weekend with my parents and their dog.

They adore DD, did everything for her, the dogs didn't get a look in.

What a screwed up world view you have.

Anyway, back to the actual facts, OP, that's very sad for you. Have they always been like this?

Callipygia · 14/04/2009 11:15

Are they native Orcadians or incomers? (Different mindset, usually.)

I have been where you are, it's very unpleasant. Usually they don't realise they're doing it. I think it's a generational thing. In my family, in the past, people didn't go far and children always visited their parents and nothing special was done for them on these visits, it was more like the children coming to pay respect to the parents, in a way.

I think a lot of our parents who grew up with that sort of expectation have not thought beyond it.

wheresthehamster · 14/04/2009 11:18

for you.

Maybe your mum was having a bad couple of days with her health. Because you don't see them very often you may not know what form of activity is wearing/tiring etc for her. I can understand how pointless you must feel the trip has been though. On the plus side she did try to produce something for you to eat on the first day. It could be they don't eat hot meals themselves any more.

MIAonline · 14/04/2009 11:21

I feel for you, I think sometimes when we have our own children it brings how our parents treat us into a sharper focus iyswim. If it is a negative experience you hope you will never be like that with your children.

It's so sad that the people who should be making us feel better in life are often the ones who do the opposite.

Having said that, perhaps you need to step back and accept that is how they are and look at the ways that they do show you they care. if only to stop yourself feeling so

ruddynorah · 14/04/2009 11:21

is it nice where they live? i mean could you make more of a holiday of it? that way you could plan to do other things and maybe just meet up with them two or three times or something? what are your mum's ill health issues?

ruddynorah · 14/04/2009 11:24

she might have thought it quite rude when she offered you the bread and meat and you declined it to go the pub. did you suggest you all go to the pub to eat?

Original poster
IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 11:27

I understand that I am probably being very unreasonable.
And as someone said maybe Because I don't see her as often I ma not aware of how much tires her.
They have always been a bit like it though.
They have been what would be described as 'toxic parents'
I just feel sad that looked forward to seeing them and it just felt like we had popeed in for a cup of tea at an inconvenient time.
It's once a year fgs.
oh well it is just me
no they are incomers in answer to some ones question and thay are not old either they are only in their fifties.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 14/04/2009 11:28

oh and also the reason we only did it for a couple of days was because were told that it is too tiring for any longer than that and we were actually asked to not go for any longer.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 11:39

lol chequersmate, your over-reaction completely proves my point.

ruddynorah · 14/04/2009 11:40

what did you do there between 10 and 4.30pm? were you out and about with them or just in their house? would it have been better to take them out for lunch then you lot go do your own thing? something like that?

MIAonline · 14/04/2009 11:58

I don't think it is just you Iamalso... You are right it is just once a year and you would hope that they would make you feel pleased to see them.

Just retreat in to your own family for a while and enjoy the experience of creating a loving family of your own . Hope you feel brighter soon

Sherbert37 · 14/04/2009 12:17

My parents are just like that so I feel for you. They don't seem to want to hear about my DCs who are now teenagers. They live 400 miles away and now I have separated from DH I really don't know when we will see them again as I cannot drive that far confidently. They too have a dog and would not put him in kennels to come here, but went off abroad with him in kennels instead. They are very unemotional generally. Oh and the food - spent one New Year with them when all we were offered was the turkey left over from Christmas a week before for every meal!

I had fab gps and feel sad my DCs have not got that bond.

chequersmate · 14/04/2009 12:55

Overreaction? Oh, you mean I dared to disagree with you and say so?

Yes, that's an overreaction

elliott · 14/04/2009 12:59

Its really sad, but I think you have two choices. Either don't go, or go infrequently (maybe every two years) but for longer - make it one of your holidays and don't expect to see the gparents all the time. Of course you may think its not important to maintain the relationship, or it may be too painful for you to have to keep your expectations so low.
If you have more kids and as they get older they may really enjoy it as a holiday.
Don't go out of obligation though.