I feel so sad and depressed today I should be happy but I'm not and have finally realised how s**t my parents are.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate]

We have just returned from a 1500 mile round trip for two nights so that we could see my mum and dad with our lo.
We only get to see them once a year due to cost and where they live etc.
My dh last week surprised me and said lets go and see them [we were gonna give it a miss this year] as I said it takes us 24hrs to get there with the driving and ferries and the cost.
Well we wnt and I wish I had not bothered.
We have to stay in rented accomadation-fair enough, but not once were we offered a hot meal, we felt like we were in the way when we were there,just crap really.
We spent all the journey breking our balls to get there and building it all up to our lo for what?
I feel gutted that I have wasted over 500 pounds for nothing.
sorry I know it seems like a whingeing me me rant but I just feel so let down.
my dh is like thsi
they were more worried abouth their dogs than playing with our lo [cos of the noise he makes ]
aarggh sorry I know I just am so mad I am not making much sense.

[AitchTwoOh]

lol, this. over-reaction... "What a screwed up world view you have." what has dog people being bonkers got to do with my world view?

not all people who have dogs are dog people, mind, but dog people certainly are bonkers.

[chequersmate]

Would you consider having it out with them OP?

[unavailable]

OP - Your parents sound very self absorbed. Could it be that they have fallen into a very fixed routine now that they are on their own, and they find any change (for even good reasons) difficult to handle. They may not be aware of how they come across.
I think if you want things to improve you do have to let them know how you and your husband felt about the experience.

If they cant/wont take it on board, then you know where you stand with them, but at least you would give them an opportunity to see things from your point of view.

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

your parents sound like mine

utterly self-absorbed

and yes, the universe does revolve around them

they like the idea of being grandparents but fail dismally on the reality

I suggest you do not make that trip again, and I do not think YABU

[hatesponge]

I think some people are just naturally hospitable and others arent. I've lived less than 5 miles from my ex in laws (outlaws? ) for the last 8 years. I have never eaten nor been offered a hot meal at their house, in fact I cant remember ever having a meal there at all. We used to be asked to go over every Xmas Day but had to leave mid- afternoon as they wanted to eat Xmas dinner...! they have very little interest in any of the grandchildren either, and will never visit anyone, expecting everyone to come to them (they are in average health, and only just turned 60)

My family are very much the opposite & you could barely get one foot in the door without being fed and asked your life history

I doubt they will change. But I'm not sure if I would say never again, especially as they are your Ds's only grandparents, though I might well leave it a couple of years in your position - could you make more of a holiday of it in future & maybe just pop in on them for 1/2 days out of that holiday?

[thumbwitch]

some people are naturally hospitable and selfless and some aren't. Some of them are parents.

My mum's parents were always delighted to see us and would make us centre of attention whenever we went to see them for however long.

My mum, otoh, was the sort of person who would say "would you like a cup of tea?" and then when you say yes, would say "make me one while you're there".

for you that you've realised that your parents are not naturally hospitable and selfless but now you know you don't have to do that trip again unless you go for a week's holiday and just see them for half a day as part of it.

[thumbwitch]

ooh, weird X-post hatesponge!

[TheOldestCat]

Agree with hatesponge and thumbwitch, perhaps only see them in future if you are on holiday nearby? This is what my parents do with my very awkward and inhospitable grandparents.

I'm sorry you had such a rubbish time.

[WasnaeMe]

Personally it doesn't bother me if we are fed or not, however I know what you mean - they just didn't seem bothered.

These things are complicated and subtle. I have issues with my parents but they are difficult to pinpoint exactly - it's just the atmosphere and they way I feel when I'm with them.

[AitchTwoOh]

it does sound complicated. don't obsess about the dinner, the distance, the dog, even your ds etc, that's not the thing. it's the fact that you don't feel welcomed in your own parents' home, the fact that their careless approach hurts your feelings and probably embarrasses you in front of your dh, and the fact that you want to be treated with consideration and kindness (and you want your son to be treated like the only child in the world) that's what upsets you.

that's utterly, perfectly valid, everything else is emblematic of the way they treat you, but don't get wound up about that. if they travel to you, you'll treat them differently, but if you travel to them, you'll do it as a week's holiday and take them out for lunch once when you arrive and once when you leave. detach, detach, detach... remain fond and grateful that they had you, but don't expect them to be different people to that which they are.

[AitchTwoOh]

i mean don't get wound up about the details, just be upset about the fact that they don't treasure your visits. because they should, and it truly is their sad loss that they don't.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate]

thankyou all of you for of your replies and aitchtwooh thankyou you have explained it exactly as I have felt it.
I acctually really don't care about the food I just miss them so much and wanted it to be so 'special' ifyswim and I just kind of felt like it was'nt - as if more that we had not got in their way as such but similar if you get my drift.
They are my parents and my ds grandparents at the end of the day and I just thought they would feel the same way about us as me and my dh feel about our ds and it has to be said them.
I have learned a valuable lesson I think.

[whereismumhiding]

Yes that sounds terrible. I think you are being perfectly rational in not wanting to visit again for a very long while. They didnt make you feel welcome and quite frankly they live further away in travelling time than half of europe would be, so you have good reason to visit very rarely!!