Can I ask about men getting upset/angry if they don't have enough sex?

[picnicinthepark]

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[picnicinthepark]

Background info, I am a namechanger and have been with DH for 10 years. He has always had a high sex drive and when not pregnant we would usually have sex maybe 4/5 times a week. He would like it to be much more, everyday or twice a day sometimes.

I am happy with our sex life and honestly find it enjoyable and satisfying.

Unfortuantly for him I would be happy with 3/4 times a week. We have two small children 3 and 18mths and the 18mth old is still breastfeed and we co-sleep with him.

Here is the problem, if we were to go say 3/4 days without having sex, DH turns tbh bloody awful to live with. He gets angry and sulky, hardly talks to me and is just a bloody bugger. At this point I will usually just have sex with him even if I don't feel like it and he goes back to being his usual happy self. I have accepted the fact that he has a high sex drive, but he seems unable to accept that sometimes (like this week) I just don't bloody feel like it. I am knackered and pre menstral and just want to go to sleep.

This morning was maybe 5 days since we last had sex and we had a massive row about it. He said that I was boring and mimicked me saying I was tired pulling a horrible face. I have tried explaining that compared to others with small children I think we have a good sex life, but he says he's not bothered about what other people do.

I'm at a loss as to what to do, he has come home tonight and gone straight out without saying a word to me and this happens maybe every two months or so. Yet last week, when we had been having loads of sex, he was saying how much he loved having sex with me and how good our sex life was and now all of a sudden I am a boring old cow and he is the hard done by man nagging for sex.

Has anybody else experienced this? or has any ideas what to do?

Written down it seems much worse than I thought it was in my head

Oh and I have said to him when we have talked about it before that couldn't he just masturbate on the days we don't have sex but he says he doesn't enjoy it and would rather have sex

[ladylush]

I think he's being selfish tbh.

[thisisyesterday]

he's being very unreasonable. it's ok to want and, to a certain extent, expect a good sex life with your partner. but it is not ok to behave like that when you don't get your way.

it has to be mutually enjoyable otherwise one partner will surely start to resent the other and that will jus tmake it worse.

have you tried talking to him about it when he isn't in one of these moods?

[MuppetsMuggle]

Sorry no advice, as its the opposite in our house! I guess he hasn't realised it is tiring looking after young children and you aren't always in the mood!

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

he sounds like a manipulative bully, what a horrible man. Is he insecure?

with 2 children that young, you are doing well if you manage once a fortnight!!

I would have to ask you why you are having sex against your will?

[picnicinthepark]

Yes we have spoken about it when he isn't in a mood, we even joke about his sex strops, but he honestly thinks that if you enjoy sex that there isn't a good enough reason for why you wouldn't have it.

He says he feels up for it all the time even if he is knackered or ill.

[StirlingTheStrong]

tbh sounds like he is a teenager.

I would tell him he is more likely to get what he wants if he is nice to you. Just like a child, dont give in just because he is sulking!

[picnicinthepark]

I suppose you could look at it as having sex against my will. I think I just do it because when we get down to it, I enjoy it and then he is happy and his usual self again.

I think there might be some insecurity stuff going on, we have argued recently about me reading at night or being on the internet and not talking to him.

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

my dh is up for it all the time, but he doesn't have a tantrum and use emotional blackmail if I am not in the mood for a few days

I would tell him straight to fuck off the next time he has a sulk

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

christ, does the whole world revolve around him ?

[picnicinthepark]

well thats what happened this morning, I told him right where to get off, because he had been in a grump for two days and then wanted me to have sex with him

That is why it escalated into a massive row

[picnicinthepark]

anyfucker, that is exactly what I asked him, but no apparently if you are in a marriage you should want to spend time at night doing stuff together, not reading a book

[picnicinthepark]

periods? he asks every day if its nearly finished yet

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

just walk away, don't argue

tell him you will talk calmly about it when he is not shouting/bullying

thats what I do with my teenagers anyway

[smallorange]

I think you know he is being unreasonable. He needs to grow up.

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

eww, he sounds bloody awful

do you not get a life ?

he sounds majorly insecure actually

does he get jealous of the time you spend with your children? Famiy? friends? He sounds just the type

[twoluvlykids]

OP - your DH sounds like a petulant child. My DH is not angry if we don't have sex, but he does get uptight, tbh I get a bit edgy too, I don't know if it's tension, living with another adult, phemerones or whatever.

But I wouldn't have sex just to keep the peace. Often I don't feel like it - my head hits the pillow & I want to sleep. But if I'm politely persuaded, it's worth it.

Men nearly always want sex

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

well yes they do twoluvlykids (no tin hat required)

but not all men think it is their right for their partner to be constantly up for it and subject them to childish manipulation if they won't put out

[twoluvlykids]

No, that part worries me.

picnicinthepark - would he go for some councelling? could he a "sex addict"?

[Hassled]

He's dug himself a Catch 22-sized hole, hasn't he?

He gets in a strop if he can't have sex, you don't want sex because he's a stroppy tosser, he therefore can't have sex because he's a stroppy tosser and so gets more stroppy.

This really isn't normal. All I can suggest is that you show him this thread. He is being astonishingly selfish - a good relationship is about so much more than just sex.

[Moosy]

Picnic, my DH is/was like this, the way we get round it is to do stuff as soon as the children go to bed, before we sit down and zonk for the evening. That way it isn't hanging over the evening (as it were) and there isn't the same pressure on me. I've actually started to enjoy it more and to instigate it more since we've been doing this

[AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs]

don't get me wrong, I love sex

But I love it on (mostly) my own terms

I can occasionally be persuaded if am not immediately up for it (he has skills )

but there is no way I would stand to be name-called or bullied if I didn't give in to what frankly sounds like desperate, insecure attempts to make him feel like he is the virile master of the house

dos he call you frigid?