I've been put off new partner and its for such a shallow, horrible reason. I feel guilty and mean

[BatmansWilly]

I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks. He's a lovely person, bought me chocolates, offered to take my son to his astronomy club (don't ask!) arranged lots of nice days out for us all and I did like him.

He is a bit over weight (well, about 5 stone overweight) but he did tell me he used to weigh almost 30 stone and has lost the weight quickly, very quickly with the aid of an operation which restricted what he could eat dramatically.

It didn't bother me.

However when he told me he was looking for some exercise classes to join, I suggested he join karate with me. I've been going for a couple of years now and knew the people there would be kind to him. He was nervous as hell but came along tonight which was brave of him.

However, I'm afraid I saw him in a whole new light during the class and it really put me off. For one thing, the dramatic weight loss showed its negative consequences badly through the baggy clothes. Lots and lots of loose skin and flab all over from his arms, chest, stomach. It was a complete turn off and I DO try and be non--judgemental but it wasn't easy to ignore it. A few of the little kids were staring which I know is not nice at all but that's how noticable it was.

Apart from that, he just came across so unmanly couldn't manage more than two press-ups, flinched when the instructor demonstrated something on him, couldn't form a proper fist without being shown and he laughed along with the little kids during a demonstration which was just rude and stupid and really pissed off my instructor.

I KNOW I'm being shallow and mean but I feel totally turned off by him after tonight. I am not against over-weight people AT ALL. I have been overweight myself but it was an extreme. And to add a bit more venom to the bitchyness I seem to be showing right now, his clothes were also horrid. He was wearing a faded black dragon t-shirt, the kind a 'heavy metal' student would wear.

And I know this sounds awful but I was praying to god he wouldn't introduce himself as my partner/boyfriend at karate I was embarrassed.

So go on, am I a complete bitch now? I do feel horrible and upset by it all. I thought we had something but after tonight and all the negative thoughts in my head, I can't face the thought of even speaking to him again

"i think if you dont fancy him you have the answer tell him let him find someone that can see behind the loose skin as there are some people that genuinely like someone from the inside and not looks and others that need more to be attracted to someone"

I dont think its a case of either or

I dont believe that people are divided into people who like people for what's inside and people who like to be attracted to their partners physically

When its right you like both dont you? you fancy them inside and out?

I kinda think that if someone is right for you "inside" you see the "outside" differently anyway.

I dont think liking looks and liking personality are mutually exclusive, nor shoult they be

I'd hate hate hate if my DH turned around and said that he liked me for who I was and could "see past" whats on the outside - OUCH!!

huge warning alarm going ding ding! how dare he start controlling/taking issue with your sons behaviour after a couple of weeks/dates? Who the feck does he think he is? He's not your husband/spouse/partner/ he is a casual friend/date and has NO right to ANY role with your children yet. If you even consider allowing this, you are letting your children down.

I wouldn't let anyone tell me they were going to change how to bring up MY child. He's a control freak in the making. Get rid. NOW.

Phew. Sorry. Touched a nerve.

You don't fancy him,what ever the reasons so IMO it ain't going no where.

What is shallow about finding someone physically repulsive? Nothing at all.

If you didn't want to be his friend because of his appearance, that would be shallow, but the clitoris wants what the clitoris wants.