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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want out. Well I think I do. What is wrong with me?

90 replies

3years · 14/03/2009 23:03

I cant do more than 3 years,

i just wake up one day and start to question my relationship,

i have been feeling 'numb' regarding my current relationship with dp for about 3 weeks now,

the feeling wont go away

i have had 3 long term meaningful relationships so far,

all of which i have ended...

what the fuck is wrong with me (or them)

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:05

3 years sounds Ok to me, most I've made is 5

Doha · 14/03/2009 23:06

commitment phobia????????

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:09

i want to commit,

i have no reason/background not to,

i am a restless soul,

i think i should/will/can settle and then realise i cant/wont

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:11

nothing wrong with that is there? personally I couldn't do the for ever thing but it's only recently I've accepted that's OK

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:12

i am up shit creek,

i have a wedding booked for july, dress paid for, guests invited, spent 1000s so far,

part of me thinks i should put and and shut up (it will be an amazing day/party) but i just cant,

and i am gutted that my dream wedding day/dress cant be done again with someone else,

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:16

oh shit, I see
I actually did that too, it seemed easier to say yeah than nay iyswim
In retrospect I'd call it off, really, or at least postpone. It's more important than it seems and I still feel guilty for going through with it when I was so unsure

ninah · 14/03/2009 23:18

look it could be nerves but if you think you want out you probably do
talk to your dp and put it on hold awhile
don't think of money, one of the reasons I went ahead was that my mum insisted cos of all the ££
some things are worth more

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:19

You need to talk to him...wow it's sad though you can't make it past 3 years..why do you think this is?...are you worried it might fall apart or something?

HolyGuacamole · 14/03/2009 23:20

Oh dear. Personally I wouldn't/couldn't go ahead with a marriage under those circumstances. Not saying I wouldn't marry the guy ever, I just wouldn't unless I was 100% sure and ready.

Have your talked to your fiance about this or to any of your close friends? Did you have good breaks in between your previous relationships, time on your own being single?

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:23

the slightest things about him are now making me cringe,

how fucked up is that?

almost over night,

it was coming for a while,

i told him we needed to do more/go more/see more places,

he says he is too tired

now, he does work very hard, very...

but you cant let your family go uncared for because of work, surley?

you cant make your girlfriend believe she is 'nothing' compared with your child?

the very child she nearly broke herself for?

OP posts:
Doha · 14/03/2009 23:24

Okay--Time out

Before spending any more money take a step back and decide what really is right for you.
Some people never settle down and are happy with that.
Do you want to marry your DP or is it just the lovely wedding that you are looking forward to.

If you dont have the wedding would you stay with your DP. How will he take the rejection?

Lot to think about here. Could you go away for a few days to get your head clear and perhaps you will have a better idea of what you want.

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:26

if the wedding was not booked i would be looking for ways to get out of this situation

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2009 23:26

Look, couplehood is not compulsory. It doesn't suit everyone. I used to get bored after about a year -18 months of couple-relationships until I worked out that I don't like them at all and stopped doing them.
Not sure if you want to be on your own, have a fancy for someone who isn;t your current partner, or just think that there's a Perfect Partner out there somewhere: which ever it is, bear in mind that a New Partner won't ever fix your life for you, only you can do that.

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:27

i cant think of anything nice to say,

apart from,

HE IS AN AMAZING DAD

HE WORKS HARD

thats it...

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:27

well don't let a booking stop you, bookings can be unmade - the fallout from divorce is terrible, and if you marry him knowing you feel this way it will haunt you, honestly

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:29

solid,

thanks,

i am ok,

i have no major issues,

i am not a comitment freak,

i am not a way out hippy,

i want love,

i want friendship,

i want caring and compassion,

i want fun,

i want lots of things i currently dont have

OP posts:
Doha · 14/03/2009 23:30

x post

You need to talk with DP-tell him how you feel

Postpone the wedding until you are really sure that its what you want.
Seems a lot to discuss with your DP. How old is you DC?

Dominique07 · 14/03/2009 23:31

Can you guys book a holiday and postpone the wedding? You don't want to go through with the wedding not sure if you actually want to say, yes, i do.
If you were going to spend 4 weeks somewhere fresh and new, doing fun things do you think you'd maybe want to marry him next year?

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:31

i want someone to ask about my day,

i want someone to kiss me, daily would be good,

i want hugs more than never,

i want to feel chalenged without doubting,

i want trust, i never had that...

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:32

3 you want all those things...and you can have those...he sounds lovely...what is missing hun?

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:35

mumcente,

i said i want lots of things i dont currently have

he is a nice man,

but he is a compulsive liar,

he cant help it,

it buggs the fuck out of me,

he would tell me it was a nice day (and it was raining outside)

he would tell me he was working in X place when in actual fact his mobile/credit card says other wise

OP posts:
Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:36

he has before today set up companies i have no knowledge about

and then tells me to mind my own buisness

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:37

you have to decide if you can take on his faults for the rest of your life don't you?

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:38

have you asked him?....challenged him?...sometimes people (esspecially men) lie to make the other person feel ok...you have to talk to him hun...

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:39

his bank accouts are his own dealings,

he hides statements...

HE GIVES ME PLEANTY OF MONEY EVERY WEEK (you all need to know this)

OP posts: