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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want out. Well I think I do. What is wrong with me?

90 replies

3years · 14/03/2009 23:03

I cant do more than 3 years,

i just wake up one day and start to question my relationship,

i have been feeling 'numb' regarding my current relationship with dp for about 3 weeks now,

the feeling wont go away

i have had 3 long term meaningful relationships so far,

all of which i have ended...

what the fuck is wrong with me (or them)

OP posts:
ninah · 15/03/2009 00:01

ffs

ninah · 15/03/2009 00:01

is this a wind up?

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:04

are you having a joke?

wind up my arse?

i have been here under different names for 3 years now,

i hope you have miss-posted and are coming back to say sorry

OP posts:
ninah · 15/03/2009 00:05

prioritising a dress over a relationship? are you serious?

HolyGuacamole · 15/03/2009 00:07

It seems like a dress is the least of your worries.

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:07

By ninah on Sat 14-Mar-09 23:11:38

nothing wrong with that is there? personally I couldn't do the for ever thing but it's only recently I've accepted that's OK,

.... ok so long as it is ok for you and noone else is suffering troubled times, i am so glad you are ok!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 00:09

the dress thing does sound a bit pisstakey, tbh, maybe you didn't mean that though?

ninah · 15/03/2009 00:10

what I was trying to say is what sgb said more succintly - couple relationships are not for me, but I was brought up to think that was what happened so it took a time to accept another way of living. That's all

HolyGuacamole · 15/03/2009 00:10

I don't think that having a pop at people who are trying to help you is particularly beneficial.

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:13

i am not priotising my dress ffs,

it is a lovely dress (from someone who swore they would never have one)

but my nan (who is 91 for the record) paid for the dress, so no, not no 1 on my list but important all the same,

i am more worried about my life

FUCK THE DRESS!!!

i am living with dp, he is dad to dd, i am worried about my feelings about marriage,

i didnt come here for cross examination,

just help (and hopefully experience) and word of advice!

OP posts:
Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:15

apols for anyone who thinks i am taking the piss

OP posts:
ninah · 15/03/2009 00:17

ok to marry your dp you need to be sure you can spend the rest of your life with him, only you can know that, if you are sure that is great, if not maybe hold off the wedding, whatever plans have been made

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:20

he is asleep now,

he is comfy,

thankfully he wont expect anything from me,

i am detached,

help me not be,

i want to feel like i did last year,

dd is still tiny,

i want the best for her,

i am worried 'mummy' and 'daddy' being away all the time may not be the best thing for her

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 15/03/2009 00:21

3 it's hard and probably embarrassing...but you have to do what's right for you and yours hun...

AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 00:23

well, you obviously shouldn't get married.

HolyGuacamole · 15/03/2009 00:24

Don't understand the last sentence in your last post about mummy and daddy being away all the time?

What age are you?

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:25

why aitch?

OP posts:
ninah · 15/03/2009 00:26

I think it is ok to be detached from time to time as long as your feelings for dp are positive on the whole. I do think the whole marriage ceremony can be overwhelming and the financial thing underlines that. For me it tipped the balance so that I went through with it and I wish I hadn't. We didn't have dc and I guess that makes things much harder. You know it has to be your decision. You can always have a fab dress but is a lot more difficult to get rid of a less than fab husband

AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 00:28

because you're supposed to love and be in love with the person that you marry, otherwise what's the point? you're short-changing everyone involved if you proceed.

noddyholder · 15/03/2009 00:29

You sound a bit spoiled sorry

Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:30

HG i am mid thirties

what did you think i was?

i am trying to type so as not to be outed

i am a fully capable woman who thrives at work, i am juggling work and a stay at home role for at 7 months, it is hard enough without this shit...

OP posts:
Original poster
3years · 15/03/2009 00:32

noddy,

why am i spoiled?

i would love to know.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 00:34

you are sounding kinda petulant and snarky, if i'm honest. why are you so angry with us? i think you're furious with yourself cos you know this is a fuck up.

noddyholder · 15/03/2009 00:37

I don't know why there is a real tone in the post which comes across really clear that you have perhaps done this sort of thing before and you have a bit of an 'Oh no here i go again' attitude.Let him go he sounds great and when you read about some of the horrors here someone else will certainly want him!

TotalChaos · 15/03/2009 00:39

what is wrong with you for wanting out? nothing. you seem to want to get married more to save awkwardness/inconvenience, whilst not trusting your partner as far as you can throw him.

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