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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want out. Well I think I do. What is wrong with me?

90 replies

3years · 14/03/2009 23:03

I cant do more than 3 years,

i just wake up one day and start to question my relationship,

i have been feeling 'numb' regarding my current relationship with dp for about 3 weeks now,

the feeling wont go away

i have had 3 long term meaningful relationships so far,

all of which i have ended...

what the fuck is wrong with me (or them)

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:41

I know where you are coming from ...he has to trust you...with everything...and you have to ask him for that trust...

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:41

he gets shirty when challenged and says horrid stuff

he says he would be better off without me

and while that is horrid, i think he thinks i will panic and welcome him back as i am at the end of my teather

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:42

You have to be strong and upfront..tell him you need this...you love him and need this hun

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:43

i am not sure i do love him tho

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 14/03/2009 23:44

3Years: This isn't about you being 'commitment phobic' this is about you being in a relationship with a dodgy old nob-end. He's financially shifty and says nasty things to you? Why would you want to marry him?

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:44

be honest about how you feel..no arguement...just truth

ninah · 14/03/2009 23:44

you have to love him to marry him - basic

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:46

if you are not sure...tell him that

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:47

anymore,

i loved him lots to start with,

he has chipped and chipped slowly from the start

so far there has been another woman, an ex wife, ex children, ex friends, ex jobs, and a criminal record,

all of which i knew nothing about till i found out for myself over the last few months,

OP posts:
controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 14/03/2009 23:48

well why on earth would you want to marry him?? would your mum / friends really want you to if they knew the facts??

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:49

There are things you have to stand up and be a woman about...and marriage is one of those things...no matter what...tell him the truth

ninah · 14/03/2009 23:49

to start with is easy
look it's OK not to marry a dodgy old nob end

HolyGuacamole · 14/03/2009 23:49

Definitely postpone/cancel the wedding.

Marriage is not about settling for someone because it has been 'x' amount of years or because they happen to be a partner and marriage is deemed to be the next step. When you decide to marry someone, it is meant to be a decision that is a happy one. If it is not doing that for you, then do not do it. You will regret it, so will he and so will any children you have. It's not worth it.

You know how you feel now. Painting over the cracks in a wedding dress is not going to change that.

Take time on your own to work out how you see your life panning out and take it from there.

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:49

i am a fuckwit

i should have said 'knob off before now'

but, dd love him so much,

what do i do,

and how about all the money my guests have spent?

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:50

party.

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:51

serious,

i am out of pocket by about 3 grand

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:52

sorry that should have said you need to be happy too and you will have happy dc
and have a party for your guests with any money they have spent, think of it as an impromptu celebration of life and freedom

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:52

we are,

he will pay too,

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:53

and if I'm honest he sounds like a serial liar and cheat...you have to ask yourself can you live that life...if not you know what to do...

HolyGuacamole · 14/03/2009 23:54

Forget the money aspect. Ok, what I mean is that cash wasted now is better than years of your life down the pan. It is easier to recover financially from a mistake than it is to recover emotionally. Those people close to you and who care for you, will understand that you need to make the right decision for you and for your DD.

Mumcentreplus · 14/03/2009 23:56

3 grand is nothing compared to a life of hell and uncertainty...

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:56

i know

but why did it take me so long to come to this point?

OP posts:
Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:57

3 grand is pennies but our dd is priceless

OP posts:
ninah · 14/03/2009 23:57

totally agree with HG
3 grand spent on a wedding that didnt happen? expensive
emotional integrity for the rest of your life - priceless

Original poster
3years · 14/03/2009 23:59

but my dress?

i love that dress

OP posts: