First Love

[Iwentby]

If you have married a while have children and things have'nt been going well for a few years and you can't see anyway back,do you stay and try and work it out for the sake of the children?

Especially when you know your first love is single again but has children and lives about 3 hours away from you.
Also you know he was the one and regret having left him.

Logistically it's wrong,moneywise would be difficult,childrens welfare,upset for all,emotional baggage both sides,years have passed so different people.

It can't work can it?

I know people get divorced all the time but I expect if oyu can avoid it for the childrens sake you should.

I suspose what I am asking is am a selfish to even thik about it even if it was an option which at the moment is just what if's on my behalf?

Should I stya and put up with my lot and forget about my happiness for the sake of the children?

In the past when he ahs been really busy with work the ex would have least sent a quick message to let me know he was ok.

But nothing since late sunday night.

I could be over reacting as I know he has a busy week at work.
or am I being optimistic?

I can't imagine knowing the sort of person he is that he would just stop contact without an explanation.

you really need to find somebody to talk to in real life, my love

spilling it all out in virtual life here is just perpetuating your confusion

I can't tell anyone,there is no one.
Writing it out on here is my only outlet at the moment.

I just wish he would send one message to say he does'nt want anymore contact.
At least then I would know.

He probably is finding it too over whealming and does'nt know how to say it.

Maybe I should give him a way out and send a message saying "do you still want contact?

YES OR NO?

I am scared of his answer.

I could'nt handle it if he said no.

I just want to go away somewhere.

I really feel for you as a lot of what you are saying is exactly the same as what I felt when I had my emotional affair.

You have to get yourself free to think about real life. You have to start by talking to your husband and asking him what he feels right now and whether he feels you should separate as you aren't making each other happy.

You have to stop emailing this other guy. If it is meant to be it will work out once you have had some time alone.

If you can't do it for you, do it for your kids.

I am so confused.

I know I need to talk to DH but am worried about his response.

I know I should do it for my childrens sake.

I have sent a message to the ex and given him a way out.
I have said if he feels he can't have contact with me anymore and feels I want more than he can give then to just send a one word reply as to whether he still wants contact.
Yes or no.

So the ball is in his court.

Whether he will reply or not is yet to be seen.

What do you want to say to your DH and what are you scared about?

Just that I am not happy anymore and have lost respect for him and can't forgive some of things he has done and said in the past.
It is not good for the children the atmosphere in the house and I can't see him changing.

It's so difficult to explain.
But if you heard the tone he uses to me it's all so arrogant and nasty.

He goes on and on at me digging away,
"did you do this today?"
"Why not?"
He came in from the pub last night at 7pm and the children were playing up.
He said i can hear them from outside,what's wrong?

So I explained they had been playing up and it said I don't need to know.
I don't want to come home to this.

Am scared if I want a divorce he will make out I am an unfit mother as have had anxiety issues in the past.

Am so scared,the ex has just sent me a message and am afraid to open it.

My heart is pounding...

open it now.

we are here.

I will read it now,my hands are shaking and I feel so sick.

I feel so stupid now.

He said he was fine and he has been travelling and working and only just logged on for the first time today and that his children stayed at the weekend and hogged the computer.

He told me to take care and relax and listen to the music he recommemnded me.

He is away from home today working so e mailed me from the office.

tbh, you are being silly and very needy towards your ex

I wouldn't be surprised if you did frighten him away

all this drama with him is preventing you from sorting the rest of your life out

IME he will disappear if you keep on at him too much.