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Original poster

My husband is doing my head in, the 'quirkiness' that I adored about him ...

91 replies

Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:38

when we were first together is grinding on me.

I'm not bothering to name change.

And please don't say anything like 'leave him' because I could never leave him, hes my best friend.

We got together very young, it really was a mad passionate thing at 15! But it was more than that, we just clicked. Never spent a moment apart if we could help it, its the same now.

I still look at him and melt.

But lately things have just been annoying me.

He collects things, Ive posted about this before, I cant see him ever stopping. Star wars things, alien vs predator, scarface,, etc..

At first I thought alot of it was cool, but now it just pisses me off, its all over the house.

And now he bought the most ridiculous thing off ebay, Im not saying what so PLEASE dont ask, but its hideous big and very expensive.

I don't want it in my house, I don't see why he needs it.

I really wish I could have him as he is, all the love he has for me, the patience, but not the 'oddness'.

Everyone else finds him hysterical, I find it embarressing the way he behaves in public. Like a kid!

I don't know

I love him soo much but feel fed up!

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 19:40

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 19:40

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:41

For example, we went to a buffet there was a full salmon that got eaten, 100+ people walk past be he had to start pissing about with it! he got it and put it on a plate and was saying 'im taking it home for the cat' then gave it to DS who had it on the plate walking round.

Everyone was laughing but i went into the toilet and cried, i feel like i 'cant take him anywhere' sort of thing.

If you understand?

OP posts:
Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:43

He used to have the spare room, but we had DC3 so had to make it DDs room,

its nothing starwars related, its just the oddest, random, huge embarressing thing that has NO place in a persons house!

OP posts:
NotPlayingAnyMore · 25/02/2009 19:43

You do know you'll be asked what it is anyway, don't you? Am just imagining huge Alien or Predator poster, or even worse, model
Can also imagine the money being better used along with the space. Is that the case?

I've had the same with XPs: what is it with men and "bottle collections"?

ScorpiowithabigS · 25/02/2009 19:43

i kind of understand about taking them places thing

a seperate place for his hobby sounds like a must.

MissisBoot · 25/02/2009 19:43

Do you think he may be able to 'contain' his collecting - do you think it is getting out of control or taking over your lives?

How long have you been together btw?

My dh used to collects loads of films - several years later I have slowly managed to whittle it down to some bare essentials - a kind of one in one out policy.

He did cut down on collecting since we had dd and he changed jobs as he actually has no time to watch any - I'm sure he was obsessed about it though.

MitchyInge · 25/02/2009 19:43

he sounds great fun!

Lulumama · 25/02/2009 19:44

you have to either:

accept him how he is, quirks and all , and put up and shut up

have counselling and help in changing the way you react to him and deal with his odd quirks

go to joint counselling and work on rebuilding things

split up

buying hideous, large and expensive things that i am presuming you cannot afford is not on

if he is embarassing you in public, then you things need to change

without wishing to be the voice of doom, you got together young,and you might actually grow apart or be in the process of growing apaprt

you also have the stresses of 3 children ( all under 5 ?) certainly you have a newborn and 2 young children which is extremely stressful, esp. if short of money and space.

you might find things feel different when the children are a little older adn you have time for you, or to go to work , or study , or do something else..

you need to both look at ways to pull together as a team.

noddyholder · 25/02/2009 19:45

my dp has just said 'thats most blokes'

MissisBoot · 25/02/2009 19:45

Do you feel that he needs to grow up?

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:46

I dont think we ae growing apart, i love him more than ever, I just get frustrated with him, i dont understand how his mind works. maybe thats just a man thing.

money isnt really an issue because he sold something to buy it so no money lost really.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 25/02/2009 19:48

This is not a relationship-y piece of advice, but can you get him a shed?

Not for him but for his crap collectible treasures?

MrsMattie · 25/02/2009 19:49

I think lots of people go through stages where you just look at your DP and think 'WTF?'. My DH is a wonderful husband and friend to me, but he has ways which irritate me in the extreme. He is obsessive about a shite 2nd divsion football team (and I mean obsessive). He is a super geek and our house is full of wires and leads and bits of fucking Macintosh computers. He is also a supreme hoarder. It drives me up the wall a lot of the time. But...he is lovely, funny, supportive and my best mate.

I guess you have to weigh it up.

noddyholder · 25/02/2009 19:49

My dp has been selling some instruments as we reached a similar impasse.House full of drums guitars bongos piano amps you get the picture.He plays the same guitar every day i don't get it either He is talking in the background as i type about editing the cd collection I have just heard the words 'its getting better' and 'I know blokes at work who'so we could be in for a row tonight

Lulumama · 25/02/2009 19:50

well, buying stuff and behaving in a way he knows upsets/irritates and frustrates you is not that considerate, but he should not have ot have a personality transplant to please you

thre is room for compromise, and with the best will in the world, you have maybe grown up a wee bit quicker than him

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 25/02/2009 19:50

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:51

Lulu, we got together young, yes, but we are not so young anymore. 9 years later we are still here and nothings really changed apart from me growing tired with this thing i thought he would grow out of.

We are very close and neither of us could imagine being apart.

OP posts:
Hassled · 25/02/2009 19:52

I think you need a full and frank discussion. For every one negative thing you say, make sure you throw in a positive. It's not going to be pleasant, but if you don't talk about this and find some way to resolve it, you'll end up bitter and resentful and there's no way back from there.

Don't say "I can't take you anywhere without feeling mortified", turn it into something about you feeling shy when you as a couple are the centre of attention so could he please make sure that doesn't happen, etc.

Re the collecting - can he sell something to go towards the cost of a sizeable shed or storage? He has to give ground there - you have the right to feel like your home is a nice place you enjoy spending time in.

AnyFucker · 25/02/2009 19:54

he bought a juke box didn't he ?

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:55

no, a duke box i could live with. thats cool

This is just really, really weird.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 25/02/2009 19:55

I'm hoping it was a life size plastic statue of black beauty?

noddyholder · 25/02/2009 19:55

any f'er that is MY dp's dream but i would leave him

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 25/02/2009 19:55

duke??? juke, lol

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 25/02/2009 19:55

pleeeeeeease tell us