My husband is doing my head in, the 'quirkiness' that I adored about him ...

[Disenchanted3]

when we were first together is grinding on me.

I'm not bothering to name change.

And please don't say anything like 'leave him' because I could never leave him, hes my best friend.

We got together very young, it really was a mad passionate thing at 15! But it was more than that, we just clicked. Never spent a moment apart if we could help it, its the same now.

I still look at him and melt.

But lately things have just been annoying me.

He collects things, Ive posted about this before, I cant see him ever stopping. Star wars things, alien vs predator, scarface,, etc..

At first I thought alot of it was cool, but now it just pisses me off, its all over the house.

And now he bought the most ridiculous thing off ebay, Im not saying what so PLEASE dont ask, but its hideous big and very expensive.

I don't want it in my house, I don't see why he needs it.

I really wish I could have him as he is, all the love he has for me, the patience, but not the 'oddness'.

Everyone else finds him hysterical, I find it embarressing the way he behaves in public. Like a kid!

I don't know

I love him soo much but feel fed up!

Mayor - he was really, really embarrassing her to an unacceptable extent. If I detailed some of the things that happened it would be too identifiable, but I am pretty broadminded (as is she) and these were out of line, especially at family events.

She had talked to him before about this, but he just can't seem to stop it getting out of hand, and rather than her getting uptight about the possibility of it happening, him feeling nagged at, and it spoiling every event they went to, they decided together that this worked for them. And it has. Before it was ruining their relationship, and the only way out she could see would be that she would have to just let him get on with things he wanted to do - but couldn't sit and watch him

I agree with mayor

controlling and nasty

if you don't like him, get shut of the silly bugger

It's not going to help if I say I'm jealous and I want a skeleton, is it? Mind you, the Millennium Falcon, Tie Fighter, various other Star Wars figures and the shop dummy in our spare room all belong to me, so I'm not the best judge! (The shop dummy is called Susan, after the Discworld character, and she's currently wearing my purple wedding dress and a rainbow patterned cowboy hat)

I cant stop laughing, he sounds so funny and unusual and I love the skeleton. I can see how he must drive you mad though! He sounds like he's retained his fascination for the world and sense of fun- I bet the DCs love him.
You clearly adore him but his habit is getting out of control and affecting your peace of mind. Can you tell him that? He just needs to reign in it a bit, as he's cluttering up the house for you & DCs so it's not unreasonable to ask him to try to curb his collecting habit a bit & check with you before he buys anything that might gross you out again! Or rent a storage place (£40-80 month) to keep it in?

Pmsl at the skeleton

He does sound great, but as the daughter of a hoarder I know that these kinds of habits do have an effect on everyone in the house.

My dad adores my mum but some of the things she does drive him to distraction. I think mostly he deals with it by focusing on the fact that she is a really good and kind person and that living in a house full of crap is worth it if he gets to share it with her. He's certainly never managed to change her. She does seem to get worse when she feels nagged about it (very unhelpfully)

The skeleton is a really cool educational toy. What a great way to learn the bones

Yeah after 11 years I feel like this and got to the point where I was apologising for DH at public events! He talks a lot about quite odd random stuff and people can't get a word in edge ways! He also goes off on tangents nd people often say "what are you on about now??" usually people laugh and he's definately the clown amongst his friends! My mum said to me one day that my dissaproving looks and apologising for him are equally embarassing so i've tried to accept him as he is as I do love him! and we do need quirky people in the world! As I looked around I realised most people have some annoying quirks! butting in, self indulgence, bigotry so I'm trying to accept DH even when he goes off on a big one about dreams or whatever!!! As for the hoarding and strange purchases I agree a shed???? don't let it get you down

Disenchanted, I dont see anything really odd in that particular purchase, I suspect it is the tip of the iceberg?

A skeleton is cool, and highly educational. I wish I had one to show my kids the bones, and how the body moves.

I'd just tell him I didn't like it and to put it in the loft. If it's still there in 2 days it's going down the tip. My DH had a load of clutter in our house until quite recently - it used to be OK, as we had a whole room dedicated to it. However, we now don't have room ....... I gave him the option of buying a bigger house but he went pale at this because he's more obsessive about hoarding money

Also actually being embarrassing in social situations isn't on imo. Yes, he sounds really funny but there is a time and a place for everything. Surely part of growing up is learning to behave differently depending on the situation? Therefore keeping your own personality but being able to act appropriately depending on where you are? For example, if he's with old friends from uni or whatever then he can behave like a fool but in a business environment.

Yes, you shouldn't try and change someone BUT they should have respect for your feelings too.

Tell him he can keep the skeleton if he gets rid of all of his other crap collectibles.

Make a one in, one out rule (based on size so hif he buys bug he gets rid of big). You need to set ground rules for his collecting and if he sticks to them you have no reason to be cross with it.

His behavour in public, and your feelings about it, is a bigger issue imo.

You can't change him - and it would be painful and pointless to try. A bit controlling too.

FWIW - I don't think you want to change him anyway. Your main gripe, or so it seems to me, is that your house is too small for all the stuff he collects. If you had a bigger place and a dedicated space for his stuff, then this might not be such an issue for you. Obviously this is not something you can just 'sort out', just like that, I realise.

I do know how you feel. My DH is also a collector and hoarder. I just live with it, because I know he can't change his behaviour, and since I love him, it's me that has to change my reaction to him and it. Interestingly, recently he's begun to take the initiative in reining in his behaviour.

I would approach this from the 'space' p.o.v. If you tell him you find his collecting childish or annoying, he'll be hurt and defensive. If, however, you start a conversation about how crowded the house is, how there's not much space for the kids' stuff, etc. etc., he might begin to understand the impact his behaviour has on you.

Do you collect anything or have a hobby that needs space and equipment? If you did, would there be enough space in your house for it? And would you be able to afford to spend the same amount of money on your hobby that your dh spends on his hobbies?

If the answer is 'no' to any of the above, then you should talk to your dh about it. Something there is unfair. Do you feel as free to indulge your interests as you dh?

However, I think it's a shame to quash his enthusiasms if they are relatively harmless and make him happy. You are lucky you have a man who is such a nice husband and father. If he feels controlled and disapproved of by you, he may lose the sparkle that you love. So it's all about compromise.

Any chance of him selling stuff on at a collector's fair or would the temptation be too much to buy more things? Can he store any of his stuff at his parents' home?

Agree with solidgold and everyone who says maybe you are being controlling etc and as long as he is not being antisocial, let him be....HOWEVER, when you are out with him, actually cringing and wishing he would stop, I bet all thoughts of 'but he is lovely' go out the window?

Really difficult this one.
I will say though, that if either person has a problem they should be able to voice it...and you do have a problem.
And if it comes out during discussion that HE has a problem with you, well then, am sure you will listen to what he says and take on board what he says.

It wasn't a Time Machine he bought, was it?

You need to watc h the big bang theory

Do you have a garden where he can erect a shed/garage for his collections?
Put skeleton in a closet

Fix a place for you dp where he must keep all his crap collectibles. Agree that is his niche/room /cupboard overflows, he'll have to start selling things before buying more.

Sit down and tell him you are upset by his behaviour in public and ask him to tone it down....alternatively go out seperately(!)

The skeleton isnt so bad, we had one in the science lab at achool, it will help your children's education, you'll have the only preschooler who will be able to put a human skeleton together -bonus!

Chin up, he sounds fun, and sweet.
One of my really close friends has a boyfriend like this and they are so happy together, but their sense of humour is very similar. I love them both to bits, wouldn't have them any other way.

Did he buy one skeleton or three? I could maybe, maybe live with one skeleton.

Buy a bigger shed!!! And encourage him to sit in it for as long as he likes! Make it comfortable, well lit, heated, phone lines.

Secret of many a happy marriage I believe.