Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

should my partner help with the bills if i have 2 children from previous relationship?

132 replies

welshbyrd · 07/02/2009 18:42

my partner moved almost 100 miles to be with me in april last year. But since they he has contributed almost nothing to the house. The aol, phone bill, rent, shopping ( he will pop to the shop from time to time, n get some milk etc) sky bill, ive paid everything, i have 2 children from a previous relationship also. He is a lovely, moral onest person, and we have never so much as swore at each other, we dont argue, n he truely is the most thoughtful loving partner anyone could hope for. Apart from this one thing, he has a good job, and up until september last year i also had a very good job. But it is seasonal, and i wont be back there until may. So have been claiming benifits foor me and my children since. He is aware of my money troubles, just before xmas my car died, and i have not been able to buy a new one because of all the bills. I wrote him a letter 2 weeks ago explaining that i think its wrong he doesnt contribute anything to the house, and the fact had he of helped me, i would not have used my saving for the bills, and therefore would still have a car.it also said i thought he had taken advantage of my good nature, and that i thought we should split. i chose to write a letter rather than confront him because he is not an arguementive person, the next morning, he had left me a note saying he would find somewhere else to live in that week, and he is still here, we havent spoken about the letters, however, i will not sleep in the same bed as him. Im pregnant at the moment, and am dreading it if we split, because of the baby. Well not just because of the baby but because, i know this money thing makes him sound selfish, but he truely is one of the most thoughtful ppl ive ever met.
am i being unreasonable?
When he 1st moved here he gave me his cash card and number and said help yourself, to which i replied no i dont want your card.
In the last two weeks since the letters, its been unbearable, we do all we can to avoid each other, when my kids are not here. when they are, we are civil, and dont cause an atomsphere. Today kids went to thier dads, and for most of the day he sat upstair, and i was downstairs, we smoke outside, preparing for the baby, so other than a needless conversation about the weather, while we have been smoking, its been utter silence, this afternoon i was at breaking point with the atomsphere, and was quite teary for an hour or so, he was upstairs unaware. I want to sat something, i dont know what, but dont want to just approach him out of nowhere, in the way that he didnt see it coming, and in a way that e doesnt think its my hormones, but geniunly how i feel?, yanno i feel at mo, i could watch him pack his stuff, id be upset, but almost releieved, purely because the last 2 weeks of poite conversation, and virtual ignoring of each other will stop

OP posts:
Tiramissu · 09/02/2009 13:11

I know i m a bit late but just seen this thread and got a question.

How did she get away all this time? Surely if her partner works and pays tax, this should come up on the computer at the benefit office, when they enter her address on pc.?

Unless he uses another address for Inland Revenue, banks etc?

lessonlearned · 09/02/2009 13:14

Hats off to you and DP!!!
I hope you both enjoy a good night's sleep tonight with an easy conscience.
Oh, and congratulations on the begining of a 'new' relationship because it's now on a much more legitimate level.
I hope you look back together in years to come and laugh at him starting out as a 'cocklodger'.

Peachy · 09/02/2009 17:20

Tiramisu if you think it would have been the very first time a name did not glag you clearly have experience of a different system than the IR type dept I worked in!

onadietcokebreak · 09/02/2009 17:23

Tiramissu...its not as easy as that im afraid but yes eventually as match would have come up in a scan.

Welshbyrd. Im glad you got this sorted and everything is now above board. It was me who implied you were a troll as sadly we get alot of fictional stories here on mumsnet. Sorry if this upset you but as you arent a regular poster and some of your story was bound to evoke some powerful reactions this is what led me to think this.

Anyway glad you are going to be better off. Hope the claims are sorted quickly. now your relationship can move forward without resentment over money. Good luck with the baby and dont forget to claim your health in pregnancy grant.

drlove8 · 09/02/2009 17:38

ok im not going to judge you , just was to say that this lovely man , is taking food from your childrens mouths and chlothes from their backs! you are providing for him using money ment for yourself and your kids! do you think he'll stop when baby is born? ,,,no he wont...hes a freeloading tight arse git and you and your three kids would be better off without him. ha he bought anything for the baby? has he put half the money toward pram and cot? what exactly does he do for you that you cant do for yourself? sorry ive this seams harsh but he's taking the piss out of you.

coolbeans · 10/02/2009 10:09

Well done welshbyrd, I?m very pleased for you that you managed to get things sorted out and it must be a huge relief for you.

I think you should take from this whole experience, that it is best to talk to each other about these difficult things. Neither of you wanted to split up did you?

I know it?s hard, but it really does help in the long run. See how much better you feel already. It avoids misunderstandings, and especially with a new baby on the way, there are lots of things that you will need to negotiate - you?re going to need to have him help you with the newborn if you?ve got two already! If you both keep in mind that you are on each other?s side, then you can work anything out.

.I hope that your pregnancy continues to go well. I know that you are doing your very best to avoid smoking around your children and that you have cut down a lot. There?s even more help to stop smoking available ? free patches and inhalers and all sorts from your GP. It?s a very good time to try and stop smoking, as I can see that you want to do the best by your kids.

Don?t be upset by the horrible things posted on here ? don?t get stressed.
There are a lot of judgemental and unkind people about sometimes, you just have to ignore them and their misplaced sense of outrage. It?s really good that there were some people who were able to help you.

Good luck!

tigermoth · 11/02/2009 20:33

So glad to hear you talked to you partner welshbyrd and even more glad to hear he listened to you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page