Weekend from hell...need to RANT then i'll be ok lol VV Long Sorry

[BlueSapphire77]

DS starts grizzling over something (can't be hunger after he's been hanging off and chewing my tits constantly almost since he was born ) DP asks if i would like him to pull over so i can give DS a dummy.
...Horror of all horrors, no dummy to be found anywhere. Oh well
Until i get a look @ DP face..(like a bosted pisspot as my grandad would say) "Why didn't you bring a fucking dummy, you stupid cunt"
No.. i am not joking.
This was followed by a very angry pulling off and quick gear changes which nearly ripped my head off, (so i'm thinking about DS who is in a rear facing car seat, and only 2 weeks old.. still floppy neck stage) and thinking about the bawling and hooting of the night before about kids and safety.
So when we get to shopping centre, he yelled at me that we would go home if i 'carried on' .. must have looked upset or something.. and stomps off with DSS in tow, leaving me to put DS in baby carrier which didn't got to plan exactly as i couldn't balance baby in mid air and do up the clips. DSD stood clinging to me saying 'I don't like it when daddy shouts at you' and a mixture of sadness and frustration overtook me and i burst into tears.
Ten mins and a ciggie later, i managed to balance DS on my knee and do up clips with quite a bit of contortionism and wailing baby noises, walked into shopping centre to find DP, found him, resisted urge to strangle, and walked round with kids clinging to hands and DP chatting to me like nothing had happened.
Brought DS and kids some clothes. Brought kids two DS games. Went to McDonalds. Put bag of baby clothes down on floor. Finished Food, DP left to 'look' at laptops in another shop, kids and me get up five mins later and leave, and left someone with a lovely bag of baby clothes as forgot to pick up bag

Walk into currys to find that DP who constantly claims to be skint and didn't buy me an xmas pressie has brought a new laptop on a sodding 40 quid a month contract. Still not realised at this point that i have left 50 quids worth of baby clothes for some shit bag to pick up, we all toddle off to other shops. I'm feeling like my arse is going to drop off or all my insides are going to slither out if i don't sit down VERY soon, so make noises to this effect at DP who insists the last place we are going to is sports shop then camping shop on way out.
2 hours later we finally leave when i start limping because of the pain and (sorry for the tmi) blood is coming out of me in what feels like torrents, and i felt like i was going to pass out.
Get in car and take kids back home to DP's sisters. En route DP asks me to put a cd away which i do, only to be shouted at when i put the case away "What the FUCK are you doing, i said i wanted the other cd, you don't listen to a WORD i fucking say do you"

DS has been golden (as have kids due to very long day buying stuff for mr selfish) and wakes up for a feed after 5/6 hours just as we get to SIL's.
NOW i feel i must point out i love SIL to bits, she's lovely, but it must be a thoughtless gene that runs through the family. After feeding DS until he fell asleep, i was hoping to go home and finish round 2 of feeding without being bitten due to kissing of head ect. She held DS while DP was on laptop and i was having a much wanted ciggie and announced that i 'can't have fed him properly, he still feels light, you're going to have to feed him again'
Must be the hormones but it came through as 'You're not feeding your baby properly'

So i've fed him again, cue all the cuddling, head kissing, elbowing, kids screaming and playing, bumping, arguing over who was going to sit by the baby/daddy/me (nipple biting at each of the above)
Feeling like they were about to drop off, i gave it up, and put a dummy in DS mouth until we left.
Get home, xbox on, DS stressy and mega grizzly because i'm stressy, refusing to feed properly which added to the comment from earlier made me feel upset and useless.. Cue another bout of tearfulness. Decided to cheer myself up by cuddling DS and checking out the new clothes i brought him ..found had lost them, tearfullness now turns to full on sobbing. In kitchen because DP is in living room on xbox and doesn't frigging care anyway. Tell DP about lost clothes, who then goes nuts and blames me for leaving them Sigh DS still fretting cos he knows i'm upset. Don't want to rant at DP about it because he will blame the fact we had the kids rather than look at his own behaviour and we don't have them often so don't want that to happen which is the same reason when he was ripping into me i didn't have a go back as didn't want to ruin kids weekend by arguing.

Weekend from hell ...hmph... ta for letting me moan anyway lol Feel better now!!

if you really want to see what he is like, throw his xbox out and see his reaction.

Blue, is one of the things bothering you the possiblity that you will lose touch with your SC and your DS will lose touch with his half-sibs if you get away from this scumbag? It isn't necessarily so: their mother may well be happy to make friends with you and stay in contact (after all, you have both suffered by being involved with this horrible man).
His behaviour is never 'just a slip' - he has decided that you are 'wife/woman' and therefore his verbal (and soon it will be physical) punchbag - that he is entitled to bully and control you because he owns you. You say he is 38 - he will never change, will move on to one woman after another bleating about how vulnerable and damaged he is until the next woman falls for it; then he will kick the shit out of her mentally and physically until she gets rid of him...
MN is here for support, WOmen's AId can help you as well - but don't wast anymore time or energy on him. He's a waste of oxygen.

" You say he is 38 - he will never change, will move on to one woman after another bleating about how vulnerable and damaged he is until the next woman falls for it ".

Thats spot on and describes mine to a t , anyone who shows him any attention will do.Sadly its not them hes attracted to , its the pity and sympathy they can offer him thats attractive.He feeds off it, his life is empty without a comstant source of pity.

Every girlfreind of my ex was a complete bitch and a phyco.Funny really cos thats what hes now saying about me !
Anyway, i no longer have to listen to his poisenous rants or smell his farts.

stayfrosty got it right - all these idiots who are stressed/tired/had a crap childhood would be horrible to everybody if that was the reason for their behaviour. But this guy is only horrible to you (and just ignores his own kids).

He sounds hateful. How anybody could use the c word to the mother of their newborn child is beyond me, but to use it in front of innocent children... holy crap.

You have to see how far from normal this is. It is vile, wrong, abusive and violent.

How are you doing today BlueSapphire?

oh god oh god am crying am afraid
My STBXH for the last 10 years is this man - and has taken me 10 years of acting like you and making light of it to realise it ...and a NM of a few months talking to me with respect and care and consideration and love to make me reaslise just how bloody awful it truly was

only you can realise what is unacceptable and where your limits lie good luck x

Thinking of you & hope you're oaky, Bluesapphire x

Just wanted to add another message of support. I know you haven't been back to the thread but I hope that's just because you're so busy.

Thinking of you.

hi

Too much to answer lol i'd better pick a bit @ a time

First, which one of you is talking to DP cos he came in from work REALLY nice and for once made me a cuppa while i was feeding, shock horror!! Fetched tea, AND didn't say a dicky bird about me doing nothing round the house today.. except to ask me if i'd had a good day, then hugged and kissed me. Guilty consience methinks lol.

Yes i understand what everyone is saying about the kids, thats the one thing i feel terrible about tbh.
I was really looking forward to the weekend, i love spending time with them, as my own son likes going to his nans on a weekend, i don't get to do much with him, only during the week, so as i say i was over the moon when DP said they were coming to stay.. I know exactly what SS would think as well, don't worry, its not a low blow reality flower, it is just reiterating what i already know, and even if it wasn't, i know how you mean it, its a 'see sense woman' question.

I'm feeling a bit bridget jones edge of reason'y now lol saying stuff about DP which really i know other people have suffered much worse, and it really was just a glitch IMO as he has been really really good and supportive since i had DS..especially with my BF because i have really suffered sob i'm not trying to excuse him, i know he acted a nob.. i also know what dittany says is true because DS was refusing to feed properly and was grizzling on and off all night, not like him as he is usually a quiet and happy baby it was horrible knowing that even he was affected by it.
I know i have to say something. Not having that again..and tbh yes, if i read this from someone else i probably would have replied in the same way everyone has to this, sometimes its easy to pop that advice out without realising what its actually like, so this has been an eye opener and maybe will help me respond to others posting similar a bit better.
Yes, i left an extremely abusive relationship and was single for years before i went out with DP, not desperate to have a man, not particularly bothered at the time, but i felt confident that i had my self esteem back, so felt able to enter into a relationship. He was, as all men are, a truly lovely bloke, i couldn't have asked for better, but you know how they get their feet under the table and turn monster..why do they DO that ffs.
What i meant by working on things, yup, i guess it is one sided..all DP's ex's have cheated on him, argued and chucked him out, and all that stuff. I have more patience and can stand my ground without being violent or just walking out without work, which all relationships need working at, even the good ones, i have in the past just thrown him out, just because i really could not cope with his tantrums or cheating on me, but (before i found out about cheating) i stopped throwing him out when we argued because this is his home too, why, i thought, should i make him feel he had no secure home, even if we argued? So now i just seperate myself from him until either he or i am ready to talk. I find that works better and he feels secure in that i'm not going to run off every time we have a problem.

Again i have so much to thank everyone on here for, especially not being judgemental. Loves and very un-MN like hugs to u all lol xx

Oops just read page 4 as well .. thank you all for messages of support. God i feel humbled really at how many people have commented and said lovely things, i was just expecting to get 'yes so you've had a shit weekend, don't we all sometimes' lol bless you all xx And thank you

Glad to hear you're ok BlueSapphire.

Make sure you look after yourself and baby DS.

You sound like a great mum and step-mum.

But..don't make excuses for him when he treats you badly because it's NOT your fault.

Hi BS

When I first read your post I felt sorry for you (and I still do in a way) but now I'm probably going to sound a bit cold.

A few comments from a couple of posters indicated your very blase posts - with lots of lol like you're not taking this very seriously.

Your priorities seem messed up as you seem oblivious to the effect this will have on your child.

Yes YOU may be able to handle it because you're so use to abuse as a child. But there is a time to grow up and be responsible enough to ensure that this cycle in your life is not repeated through your DS.

This is not normal, healthy or productive for your child. I'm concerned about the priorities in your household and it doesn't seem it's the child.

You get stressed and don't take a stand - Question: Who is suffering in your posts? Answer: The children.

Hi Blue how are you?

this comment of yours is somehign you need to think about:
''He was, as all men are, a truly lovely bloke, i couldn't have asked for better, but you know how they get their feet under the table and turn monster..why do they DO that ffs.''

they don't ALL do that, and if they do you walk away. It's far better to be on your own.

You and your little baby deserve better.

Thanks janos.. i have brought it up with him while he's in a good mood, i did say i didn't want to spoil his mood then launched.. his response was to go quiet then he came over to me and apologised, then said i shouldn't have 'worried about spoiling his mood, after all, he was the one in the wrong.'

I am shocked @ his response lol thought he would be a mardy arse tbh.

Well i do feel i must say about the DSC's.. yes i would be worried about losing contact with them but that would never happen, if DP wouldn't allow it, which i don't think he would be that horrible for one moment, his sister would let me anyway. The kids mum has no say in it, they don't live with her.
And they reacted in the way they did (DSD) because i know they think the world of me and often say 'i don't like it when daddy shouts at you nicki, i love you' they are enough to make me want to stay anyway, they are part of my world, but as everyone rightly says, i cannot let them be affected by DP's behaviour, and as it seems to have fallen to me to communicate to him through his moods and stuff about how to better behave, i really know i must say something, and make it clear i will not tolerate him and his moods any more, if not for my sake, that of his and my kids, because it is basically abusive, and as much as if they witnessed him hitting me or something.

Its a terrible thing to have your kids afraid of you.
Maybe that would be a good starting point, to shock him into seeing how he affects people. I honestly think as everyone just rolls their eyes and says 'Its just how DP is and we can't change it' because they don't want to incur his wrath/have the hassle of showing him a better way, they have just accepted it, and made a rod for everyone's back who goes out with him. I know he's capable of being nice. He is to others, and was to me when we were first together, and he is nice a lot of the time, ie when he's asleep hehe

He's a man and therefore a work in progress

x=posted with you sorry reality.. Whaddya mean you are hard work and stroppy
I bet DP wouldn't DARE mess with you lol

Thank you for your support flower xx

BLuesapphire, there are lots and lots of lovely men out there who wouldn't dream of using language like that to their partners, no matter how briefly exasperated they got. Men do not all turn into monsters once they have moved in with you. Only bad abusive men do this.

(FWIW in future relationships - and this goes for everyone else as well: if your new date has a history of eeeeeevil partners who let him/her down, didn't 'trust' enough etc etc while the new date did everything right and was so loving and romantic etc etc... Run like fuck. Abusers always blame everyone but themselves.)

if the dscs dont live with their mum, why dont they live with their dad bs? do you have an older son living with you as well as the baby? didnt really understand what you were saying about him further down....

you've had a lot of good advice on here imo. glad you're ok today.

Oh Bluespapphire, I have just seen this and my heart goes out to you.
2 weeks after having a baby you shouldn't be feeling glad that your DP has made one cup of tea, he should be waiting on you hand and foot, not neglecting you, your DS and his DC.

You sound so lovely and you trult don't deserve such vile treatment by this teenager.

Please look after yourself and your DS

Oh Bluespapphire, I have just seen this and my heart goes out to you.
2 weeks after having a baby you shouldn't be feeling glad that your DP has made one cup of tea, he should be waiting on you hand and foot, not neglecting you, your DS and his DC.

You sound so lovely and you trult don't deserve such vile treatment by this teenager.

Please look after yourself and your DS

Ok, BS I have resisted this until now. I could have predicted you would fall for this again. You are in total denial regarding your situation - that was clear from your OP. Your Ps (doesn't deserve a D) u-turn is really very predictable too. This is destined to become a cycle of abuse unless you take very drastic action. Brushing it ubder the carpet like an understandable blip just won't cut it.
Lot's of people here were really upset that this vile arsewipe could treat a new mum like that and IMO you were given some very good advice and encouragement.
I do hope you don't have to expose yourself and DCs to this too many times before you wake up. Sorry if I'm raining on your parade while you are happy in lala land. I just want to jolt you back to reality before the next round of abuse takes you by surprise. He has got away with this much and I expect in the future it will get worse.
I rally hope you both prove me wrong, but I can see you becoming a tragic statistic if you don't do something to defend yourself - and soon!

He fucks other women too?
He doesn't live with his own children and neither does the mother?

Jesus Christ.