Weekend from hell...need to RANT then i'll be ok lol VV Long Sorry

[BlueSapphire77]

DS starts grizzling over something (can't be hunger after he's been hanging off and chewing my tits constantly almost since he was born ) DP asks if i would like him to pull over so i can give DS a dummy.
...Horror of all horrors, no dummy to be found anywhere. Oh well
Until i get a look @ DP face..(like a bosted pisspot as my grandad would say) "Why didn't you bring a fucking dummy, you stupid cunt"
No.. i am not joking.
This was followed by a very angry pulling off and quick gear changes which nearly ripped my head off, (so i'm thinking about DS who is in a rear facing car seat, and only 2 weeks old.. still floppy neck stage) and thinking about the bawling and hooting of the night before about kids and safety.
So when we get to shopping centre, he yelled at me that we would go home if i 'carried on' .. must have looked upset or something.. and stomps off with DSS in tow, leaving me to put DS in baby carrier which didn't got to plan exactly as i couldn't balance baby in mid air and do up the clips. DSD stood clinging to me saying 'I don't like it when daddy shouts at you' and a mixture of sadness and frustration overtook me and i burst into tears.
Ten mins and a ciggie later, i managed to balance DS on my knee and do up clips with quite a bit of contortionism and wailing baby noises, walked into shopping centre to find DP, found him, resisted urge to strangle, and walked round with kids clinging to hands and DP chatting to me like nothing had happened.
Brought DS and kids some clothes. Brought kids two DS games. Went to McDonalds. Put bag of baby clothes down on floor. Finished Food, DP left to 'look' at laptops in another shop, kids and me get up five mins later and leave, and left someone with a lovely bag of baby clothes as forgot to pick up bag

Walk into currys to find that DP who constantly claims to be skint and didn't buy me an xmas pressie has brought a new laptop on a sodding 40 quid a month contract. Still not realised at this point that i have left 50 quids worth of baby clothes for some shit bag to pick up, we all toddle off to other shops. I'm feeling like my arse is going to drop off or all my insides are going to slither out if i don't sit down VERY soon, so make noises to this effect at DP who insists the last place we are going to is sports shop then camping shop on way out.
2 hours later we finally leave when i start limping because of the pain and (sorry for the tmi) blood is coming out of me in what feels like torrents, and i felt like i was going to pass out.
Get in car and take kids back home to DP's sisters. En route DP asks me to put a cd away which i do, only to be shouted at when i put the case away "What the FUCK are you doing, i said i wanted the other cd, you don't listen to a WORD i fucking say do you"

DS has been golden (as have kids due to very long day buying stuff for mr selfish) and wakes up for a feed after 5/6 hours just as we get to SIL's.
NOW i feel i must point out i love SIL to bits, she's lovely, but it must be a thoughtless gene that runs through the family. After feeding DS until he fell asleep, i was hoping to go home and finish round 2 of feeding without being bitten due to kissing of head ect. She held DS while DP was on laptop and i was having a much wanted ciggie and announced that i 'can't have fed him properly, he still feels light, you're going to have to feed him again'
Must be the hormones but it came through as 'You're not feeding your baby properly'

So i've fed him again, cue all the cuddling, head kissing, elbowing, kids screaming and playing, bumping, arguing over who was going to sit by the baby/daddy/me (nipple biting at each of the above)
Feeling like they were about to drop off, i gave it up, and put a dummy in DS mouth until we left.
Get home, xbox on, DS stressy and mega grizzly because i'm stressy, refusing to feed properly which added to the comment from earlier made me feel upset and useless.. Cue another bout of tearfulness. Decided to cheer myself up by cuddling DS and checking out the new clothes i brought him ..found had lost them, tearfullness now turns to full on sobbing. In kitchen because DP is in living room on xbox and doesn't frigging care anyway. Tell DP about lost clothes, who then goes nuts and blames me for leaving them Sigh DS still fretting cos he knows i'm upset. Don't want to rant at DP about it because he will blame the fact we had the kids rather than look at his own behaviour and we don't have them often so don't want that to happen which is the same reason when he was ripping into me i didn't have a go back as didn't want to ruin kids weekend by arguing.

Weekend from hell ...hmph... ta for letting me moan anyway lol Feel better now!!

I assume that his behaviour is just like how he was with his ex, before she left - hence DSD freaking out, poor thing.

Actually does this man have ANY good points? He sounds just like an overgrown toddler, and not a very nice one.

Oh God - your partner sounds like a vile, selfish, immature bully. His poor poor kids and poor you. I am horrified.

Crikey Bluesapphire...
I've been in this kind of relationship. You really don't deserve it, nor does your DS. Re the health visitor, if you at least opened up to her, she would not condemn you for having said how lovely he is before. It's pretty common for someone in your position to do a lot of talking themself into believing how fine and lovely everything is. I've done it, i see my students do it, I've seen my Mum do it.... honestly, talk to someone like the HV. Please. This is really out of control.

I's like to add, please keep posting here for support.

I reckon people are just upset to see you being treated this way. You sound like a lovely person, especially going to all that effort to make sure your DSCs had a good time.

Blue - your post made me cry.

You only had a baby a two weeks ago and he is treating you like this.

His children come over for what is a exciting yet difficult change in their lives and their 'Dad' barely looks up from his computer game.

You basically took care of all three children (well four if you include you pathetic partner) he did nothing other than abuse you.

You should leave him. It will make your and your baby's life so much easier.

Women's aid can tell you how, or I can as I work in housing.

You should be getting breakfast in bed at this stage.

He should be doing all the housework and he should be going the extra mile with his previous children to let them know that they are still important (of they ever where).

I have spent 10 years working in HOusing and with women who have lived through domestic abuse, which is what you are living through.

If he is treating you like this now it will only get worse.

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HIM

keep posting and remember that you are being a fantastic mum to your little one... I remember all that feeding at the beginning, it gets easier, and much faster soon promise .

"Truth is, i love him, i made a promise to him that i would work with him and communicate, and not just leave like everyone else, he is better than he was and does think more before opening his mouth..just a bit of a slip this weekend and is compounded by the fact the rest of the wknd was a bit stressful lol..and you don't love someone if you are so quick to condemn them, i thank everyone who has replied because not one of them (as usual) has been shitty with me or told me what to do in a bad way, just supportive and kind, thanks"

God above bluesapphire, what is a nice soul like you doing with this lowlife?.

Your first part of this and its all worrying makes him sound like a project for you to take on - you cannot even begin to try and help/fix/rescue someone like this. Stop as well making excuses for him. You can't keep putting LOL in these sorts of posts either because the truth is there in black and white - your relationship is abusive and built on sand.

As another poster (realityismyonlyvalentine)rightly pointed out your template for relationships is well and truly screwed if you think this is at all acceptable. You still have a choice and its not just about you any more - there are children to consider as well.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents - what are you and this man teaching them?.

What did you learn yourself about relationships?.

It is NOT okay to be treated like this, he will kill any self esteem you have left and you will be just a shadow of your former self - if you are not already. And when he has succeeded in destroying you he will move onto his next victim.

I think the fact he used language like that towards you is APPAULING he sounds like a total arse. secondly, using language like that infront of kids - is wrong, how old is he?

Tell him he's a selfish twat and stop doing things for him. Be strong... why the fuck is he letting you make him breakfast at all, with a 2 week old baby. Poor you - kick the fucker out actually, Im angry now on your behalf

you're right reality. let us know you're ok bluesapphire?

Please think about getting some outside support and advice, his behaviour is not normal nor acceptable. The freedom progamme has some good indicators in Mr Wrong and Mr Right.

I'm sorry, but your sense of normality is totally off the planet. Your children must not be brought up in a place where they see another human being being treated this way. Other posters have already said that you won't change him. If that's true, and it probably is, then you must get away. For your DS, if you are still determined to sacrifice yourself to this man. Don't let your DS turn into him.

ooh, that is a good website mrspnut, thanks. Brougt me up a bit short because I tick a few boxes on the left column, actually the same ones that DH does. But at least we are both aware of our faults, and that we are as bad as each other, and that we both need to change.

Blue, your bloke needs to become MUCH MORE aware that he needs to change. For starters, he needs to get off the bleedin Xbox - NO excuse for that at his age and with 3 DC. If he doesn't understand that he is in the wrong, then you need to seriously consider your future with him. You cannot allow things to continue in this way, nor to make excuses for him.

Blue - it is chilling the way you are LOLling and and making excuses and telling us (and yourself) that it was a 'slip' this weekend....all weekend??? What would the friends who think he's such a great guy think of his behaviour?

Everyone who has posted in reply has pointed out this guy is abusive and unpleasant - it would not matter a bit if he was nice and lovely the rest of the time, as his behaviour is so bad some of the time.

Why don't you see it?

OMG

OMG

OMG

May I just add that in 4 years it is the 1st time I have seen Tiktok post on anything but a breastfeeding thread.

That says it all.

Blue, the P (because he cannot be a DP if he talks to you like that) is awful. He is rude, mean, selfish, abusive, uncaring, insensitive, unloving, unashamed, foulmouthed for starters.

You are a fool to put up with this, to stay with him.

Please don't bring your baby up in this environment
You sound like such a good, loving mum. Do you have friends and family to support you? Tell someone in RL about this, get some support.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
You can't help this man. Any promise you made to him pales into insignificance now you have your own child. It is him (DS) you need to protect.

you're so........chipper...

is it because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry?

i can't add anything that someone hasn't already said. i think it's been established he's a cunting bastard.

Blue - there is a reason 'they all left him'. The reason is him. His behaviour. He is totally self-centered and has no respect for anyone. Even his friends as you mentioned they came around and he continued playing xbox.

His behaviour will escalate. He has pushed you once. He has no consideration for you and seems to have a very short fuse. He will verbally abuse you constantly. Do you really want your DS to see that and think it is acceptable?

Bluesapphire - I think it has all been said already, but I just wanted to add that I have met you on previous threads & thought you were great, and it's really sad to hear that you are being treated like this.

I passed you the chocolate & the gin at the start because I didn't feel qualified to help you with this, but I wanted to send you a

as well.

Take care & have a think about what people have said on here.

I really do sympathise , and can relate to what you say about letting himself down.Its not until we seperated that i actually realised how bad his behaviour had been, i put up with his crap for over a decade.Like yours, my ex had a stressfull job and i made every possible excuse for him, his parents didnt support him, hes insecure, blah blah. Some of this mightve been true but did not excuse his behaviour.

Mine was abusive sexually and would constantly sexually harass me in foul ways.Again if i dare object i would face an outburst , i would not object as i didnt want my kids to have to hear him screaming about how shit i was in bed ect.

Sounds like you cannot talk openly with him about this for fear of another outburst? Mine was the same and would literally explode if faced with what he perceived to be a critisism, ie

ME - I dont want a row, but i feel a bit upset about what happened the other day.
EX - What you on about?
ME- when you said such a thing , i was really hurt
EX- so your saying im an abusive bxxxxxx?Well thanks a fxxxxx lot , rant rant rant
ME- No, im not saying that,,,
EX- OH MY GOD you find fault in everything dont you, your saying im an abusive bxxxxx when actually you cause it every fxxxxx time, no wonder i get annoyed with you , you nasty little fxxxxxx rant rant rant
ME- I wasnt saying,,,,,,
EX--Fxxx off you silly bxxxx no one can stand you , after all i do for you ,,rant rant rant.
Sometimes he would charge at me and tower over me and scream into my face, hes even spat at me in a rage.

Other times he would resort to being pathetic, ie, you dont love me do you, no wonder no one likes me , i screw everything up.Im just a victim arent i.

I would often come to the conclusion that seeing as he was only getting angry with me, i must be the cause, after all he didnt do it to anyone else.
Quite frankly its cos he wouldnt dare. This only EVER happened in private where no one else could hear or see.

I read something on a link on here that summed it up, that its almost like someone being sick on you, then saying there, i feel better now while your sat there covered in their vomit.

You cannot help him, he will only change if and when he wants to, but you can get help for yourself so that you can deal with his abusive behaviour.By this i mean you obviously dont want to leave, which i understand as i was the same, but there are sites on here that can help you and various books. Its important to realise its not your fault.

I often wish that id sought help years ago, and i fume to myself that i didnt have to put up with this shit, i couldve done something about it. We are now getting divorced and its only now my ex is saying he was wrong and hes going for counselling.Even if it worked or he had a personality transplant i could never ever go back as i resent him so much.

They are like toddlers having tantrums , anything you say will make it worse and remaining silent just gives them permission to continue.
I often wonderwhat happened to the outgoing confident me, and how i allowed myself to be treated like that. Recently he exploded about some perceived insult and as usual put his face in mine and started to scream and rant , i looked at his fat screwed up face and realised how pathetic he was and told him if he carried on i would call the police and i meant it.
Like the rat he is he sloped off.I honestly dont know why i ever felt so intimidated by him.Well i do, its because he had control over me because i partly beleived the things he said to me. Dont let this happen to you, you are blaming yourself when you shouldnt.

Its shit and i really do feel for you.

Good post Hurt.Thank God you saw the light and were strong enough to walk away.
Sapphire, how are you?

BlueSapphire - you have my deepest sympathy. If any of my friends were spoken to and treated like this by their partners, I would advise them to get the hell out.

I know that some think that MN can be too reactionary "kick him out" etc but in this instance, they would be right. You are a slave; he treats you like something stuck to his shoe and your behaviour lets him know that it's okay to do so.

I realise that you are very emotionally sensitive after just having had a baby but that should be the very time that he is supporting you. You are the one who has been through pregnancy and labour, you are the one feeding the baby and slaving around for everyone else it seems. It's unbelievable that this lowlife has got you so brainwashed that you think he's so great.

I'm not trying to upset you, God knows you have enough on your plate, but you are doing your lovely new baby a complete disservice by being with this cretin. A great indicator of future behaviour is to look at past behaviour. Look at how he is with his children from a previous relationship and look at his relationships with previous partners; it will all happen again.