Weekend from hell...need to RANT then i'll be ok lol VV Long Sorry

[BlueSapphire77]

DS starts grizzling over something (can't be hunger after he's been hanging off and chewing my tits constantly almost since he was born ) DP asks if i would like him to pull over so i can give DS a dummy.
...Horror of all horrors, no dummy to be found anywhere. Oh well
Until i get a look @ DP face..(like a bosted pisspot as my grandad would say) "Why didn't you bring a fucking dummy, you stupid cunt"
No.. i am not joking.
This was followed by a very angry pulling off and quick gear changes which nearly ripped my head off, (so i'm thinking about DS who is in a rear facing car seat, and only 2 weeks old.. still floppy neck stage) and thinking about the bawling and hooting of the night before about kids and safety.
So when we get to shopping centre, he yelled at me that we would go home if i 'carried on' .. must have looked upset or something.. and stomps off with DSS in tow, leaving me to put DS in baby carrier which didn't got to plan exactly as i couldn't balance baby in mid air and do up the clips. DSD stood clinging to me saying 'I don't like it when daddy shouts at you' and a mixture of sadness and frustration overtook me and i burst into tears.
Ten mins and a ciggie later, i managed to balance DS on my knee and do up clips with quite a bit of contortionism and wailing baby noises, walked into shopping centre to find DP, found him, resisted urge to strangle, and walked round with kids clinging to hands and DP chatting to me like nothing had happened.
Brought DS and kids some clothes. Brought kids two DS games. Went to McDonalds. Put bag of baby clothes down on floor. Finished Food, DP left to 'look' at laptops in another shop, kids and me get up five mins later and leave, and left someone with a lovely bag of baby clothes as forgot to pick up bag

Walk into currys to find that DP who constantly claims to be skint and didn't buy me an xmas pressie has brought a new laptop on a sodding 40 quid a month contract. Still not realised at this point that i have left 50 quids worth of baby clothes for some shit bag to pick up, we all toddle off to other shops. I'm feeling like my arse is going to drop off or all my insides are going to slither out if i don't sit down VERY soon, so make noises to this effect at DP who insists the last place we are going to is sports shop then camping shop on way out.
2 hours later we finally leave when i start limping because of the pain and (sorry for the tmi) blood is coming out of me in what feels like torrents, and i felt like i was going to pass out.
Get in car and take kids back home to DP's sisters. En route DP asks me to put a cd away which i do, only to be shouted at when i put the case away "What the FUCK are you doing, i said i wanted the other cd, you don't listen to a WORD i fucking say do you"

DS has been golden (as have kids due to very long day buying stuff for mr selfish) and wakes up for a feed after 5/6 hours just as we get to SIL's.
NOW i feel i must point out i love SIL to bits, she's lovely, but it must be a thoughtless gene that runs through the family. After feeding DS until he fell asleep, i was hoping to go home and finish round 2 of feeding without being bitten due to kissing of head ect. She held DS while DP was on laptop and i was having a much wanted ciggie and announced that i 'can't have fed him properly, he still feels light, you're going to have to feed him again'
Must be the hormones but it came through as 'You're not feeding your baby properly'

So i've fed him again, cue all the cuddling, head kissing, elbowing, kids screaming and playing, bumping, arguing over who was going to sit by the baby/daddy/me (nipple biting at each of the above)
Feeling like they were about to drop off, i gave it up, and put a dummy in DS mouth until we left.
Get home, xbox on, DS stressy and mega grizzly because i'm stressy, refusing to feed properly which added to the comment from earlier made me feel upset and useless.. Cue another bout of tearfulness. Decided to cheer myself up by cuddling DS and checking out the new clothes i brought him ..found had lost them, tearfullness now turns to full on sobbing. In kitchen because DP is in living room on xbox and doesn't frigging care anyway. Tell DP about lost clothes, who then goes nuts and blames me for leaving them Sigh DS still fretting cos he knows i'm upset. Don't want to rant at DP about it because he will blame the fact we had the kids rather than look at his own behaviour and we don't have them often so don't want that to happen which is the same reason when he was ripping into me i didn't have a go back as didn't want to ruin kids weekend by arguing.

Weekend from hell ...hmph... ta for letting me moan anyway lol Feel better now!!

Forgot to mention in my post just because hes not violent, doesn't mean he's not abusing you, I feel awful for you to be going through that esp with a new baby he should be walking over hot coals for you instead of making you walk round shops carrying the shopping!

What an awful man.

You're not being oversensitive, and "thoughtless" doesn't even begin to cover it. He's an arsehole.

bless you sweetie, you are letting this arsewipe walk all over you! Give it up, there's a love and concentrate on your lovely DS. He should be getting his own sodding breakfast and paying some attention to his other kids, to say nothing of looking after you some!

And as for paying out money on totally unnecessary electrical goods, and that after telling you he's too skint to buy you a Christmas present - well! he is an ARSE.

Take some control fast here, or you are going to end up one sad, frustrated and lonely-in-your-relationship lady.

I'm sorry your DH is a twat, i would rather struggle on my own than have to put up with a pathetic excuse for a man, like that

Please don't let him talk to you and treat you like that again.

Aww sorry to hear this. Mine was like this too , not constantly but enough to drag me down and affect my confidence.

Can you discuss this with him or is he likeley to blow up at you ? Would he go to counselling with you before its too late ?

Mine wouldnt discuss anything and if i attempted to talk to him i was told i was being overly sensitive , or reading too much into it.If i pushed it he would explode.

Have you freinds who can help you with this ? I think its important to recognise this IS abusive behaviour.
Hark at me who only days ago was whinging on another thread about my very own bully !

Sorry if this is insensitive and hoping not to get flamed, but...

if you can't leave him for your own sake please leave him for the dcs, step and your own. As far as I'm concerned this is child abuse - every time they have to see their father scream and shout at their mother / stepmother they are getting scars they will carry for the rest of their lives.

His behaviour is beyond disgusting. Sorry if my post seems black and white but I hate the thought of children having to experience an environment like this, it makes me cry.

I know its not as simple as 'just leave him' but for gods sake (and more importantly the childrens!!!) JUST LEAVE HIM.

Hi just put baby down and come back to this.. ooo you lot are luvverly i really didn't expect much more than a few pats on the head and stuff lol

Thank you all so much.. was just feeling a bit crap and thought writing it out would make me feel better which it has God i usually just roll my eyes and call him a wanker under my breath and its all ok but i definately think hormones took over this wknd big style.

First though i HAVE to say yes (whoever wrote it) the kids are lovely.. i hope none of what i put in the OP made anyone think for one moment i don't feel anything but total and absolute love for them, or that they were naughty or anything, in fact, they behaved fantastically, i would have them any time.. just a bit of attention and a few ground rules and maybe if Someone might have not been so grumpy.. but they did say they had a nice weekend and they wanted to come again, i just feel terrible they had to see that and started thinking 'If only i had packed a dummy' ect.. when he said that, if the kids hadn't been there i would have replied that i might have picked up a dummy if i hadn't been running round doing everyfuckingthing else that morning. I pick my battles though and talking as someone who witnessed constant arguments as a child, and also knows what being in a violent relationship with my exP did to my kids, i just didn't want to make it worse.
Its great the way the kids are with the baby too, i let them both hold him and have no worries about him being dropped or anything, they're really careful and loving to him, despite only being 6 and 7 .. like i say, fantastic kids. Dp probably would twist it back on me or the fact we had the kids if i try to raise the issue now, am trying to think of a good way to bring it up tbh, i can't just let it slide, but don't want to speak out of anger which is pointless and will lead to an argument i just don't need.

Feel flippin stupid now cos i told health visitor and MW all glowing lovely stuff about how DP was so supportive ect ect, now i feel like a lemon
Tsk

Compo Took him brekkie in bed and managed to resist urge to tip soupbowl of tea on his nuts what more dya want lol

The bloke is 38 years of age ffs i did expect a bit more, ok, the other day i went out and left the hoover in the living room hoping against all hope, and came back to find it in the same place had DP's friends over and watched as he hardly even took his eyes off xbox/tv to acknowledge that they were there and the look on their faces
He did carry the shopping yesterday after i went white as a sheet i guess that was a good indicator to offer to carry DS and/or the shopping but that doesn't excuse the rest of the things he said and did i suppose.
LOL @ mardy toddler as well.. yeah he sure can be bless him, however, he is all mouth and would NEVER and i mean totally never, lay a hand on me. He did push me over once in a silly row and i banged my head and had a great black eye .. he never lived that one down and was deeply upset, he is just one of those people who knows hitting women is unacceptable, trust me, i would never have to worry about that happening. Its just the shouting and before i had DS it didn't bother me much, now i have him i must have had a switch flicked on or something because i have started to really resent and get angry about how DP is, even though its the way he always has been, so am i being unfair now to expect that he will change? He's not constantly being like that at all, he does criticise me a lot, lots of eye rolling and feigned ignorance used to get me through. Maybe having a baby has opened my eyes a bit, not wanting him to go through, see or hear this stuff.
Am going to have to do something.
I really do think its just insensitive and he doesn't know how bad he sounds or how he makes people feel. And even more frustrating is that he speaks lovely to other people and gives them advice on their relationships and problems, they think the sun shines out of his arse, well if he carries on it'll be shining past his xbox which will have joined it.
I think the crowning achievement of whoever is looking down on me and making my life a misery was definately losing the baby's clothes though..talk about gutted..it even beats DP's crap, however, have indulged in some online retail therapy today (as DS was lucky enough to be born @ SALE TIME yaay) and brought a new pushchair and some more clothes.. 200 quid lighter bank balance for DP to whine about hehe

Thanks to everyone, can't name u all
Hurtandfoolish.. yup he is just like that.. you're not my DP's ex are you lol.
Trouble is i'm normally so patient and let a lot of the stuff he does go, i just don't see the point in arguing, done enough of it so far to last a lifetime, and use any energy i would have wasted on strangulation of DP to do some theraputic house cleaning instead hence house being clean most of the time plus i put a lot of it down to the crap he gets at work, i work there as well so i know how bad it is. Glad i'm off on leave tbh.
He just lets himself down really, when he's nice he's very nice, i have written him a letter about how he has been since i had the baby and its all nice, just he has really let himself down this weekend, after he has been so good and doing and saying all the right things, at the right times, maybe i am a bit harsh and judging him too quickly on being a bit of a one off nob head this weekend. We all have off times i guess.

Reality..thanks flower, and ty for NOT namechanging so i know who you are still lol.. i didn't namechange for this cos basically don't care and its against my religion
Well misery is due home soon hope he's in a better mood or i'd better get used to prison food haha.

I'm going to butt out after this post I promise.

Please read my post above re child abuse. You're excusing him so much in your post, stress, he's usually ok etc. I know a lot of men and none of them would dream of talking to their partners like this EVER. And as for in front of children??????? No way.

Please think about what I've said, I know its not easy but for him to call you a c&^% at all is disgusting, let alone in front of children.

blue, you must have the patience of a saint. the words 'wanker' doesn't cover the infantile behaviour of this man. you're a new mum and you deserve better. you don't just have your own child and step children to look after you have an overgrown toddler under your feet too. clearly one woman has already got shot of him, hence the steps, im kinda asking myself whether it was for this sort of attitude.

change the locks as soon as possible, and leave the xbox in the dustbin.

Hi persianvase, i won't flame you chick i appreciate what you are saying, in fact, i give out that advice quite a lot but now feeling a bit cos not listening to my own brand of advice lol

The thing is i am angry that he does this in front of DC's.. it IS terrible.. retaliating would have only made it worse. I realise i have to bring this up with him really, i haven't had anyone on here reply to my OP with anything less than kindness and compassion so i'm lucky, but i have also seen some good advice which i know already, its just nice to not feel so angry and alone tbh. I will definately raise it, as its unfair not only for us, but him as well to let him carry on, and i have been unfair to let it pass and then suddenly pick him up on it, like allowing a puppy to shit round the house and then suddenly start beating it with a newspaper, you know what i mean.

Truth is, i love him, i made a promise to him that i would work with him and communicate, and not just leave like everyone else, he is better than he was and does think more before opening his mouth..just a bit of a slip this weekend and is compounded by the fact the rest of the wknd was a bit stressful lol..and you don't love someone if you are so quick to condemn them, i thank everyone who has replied because not one of them (as usual) has been shitty with me or told me what to do in a bad way, just supportive and kind, thanks!!

I wish you the best Blue. Hope you can sort things out.

And when I think you're a new mother too, my heart goes out to you.

Hope you find a way through this xx

I would kill anyone who talked to me in that way. You are either a saint or a nutter for putting up with him.

It might be too late to say anything this time, but next time (as I'm sure this isn;t a one off). I would very clamly tell him that HIS children need feeding and entertaining and his WIFE NOT SLAVE needs a rest so he'd better buck up his fucking ideas unless he wants 2 ex wives, I would then walk out the house and leave him to it for even just an hour.

Do not put up with his shit, no matter how much you love your SC they shoudln;t see him treat you in this way, neither should your baby grow up with this

you deserve better than this, you really do. your dc / dscs deserve better than this. you do need to believe that. it sounds from your posts here that you have left a previous abusive realationship.... for another one? i think you need to think about how you want things to be and how you're going to achieve it. but please please dont minimise his awful behaviour. good luck.

i can tell you how ss would be likely to view the behaviour you have written about... they would be concerned that you are in an abusive relationship, one that exposes your ds to the risk of violence and to witnessing / suffering emotional abuse. they would also be concerned that you are minimising the difficulties in your relationship and not prioritising ds's needs.

If this weekend was just a slip ... what's up with the money situation? What was happening before Xmas, when he couldn't afford to buy you an Xmas gift?

Or if the stepchildren's mother found out? Surely she would freak at this behaviour??

(goes back to lurking)

what's the story with his ex saphire? why did that relationship end and who ended it?

I've just read this post and am absolutely APPALLED at the way your DP speaks to you..in front of his children AND when you've just had a baby!

Sorry I know it doesn't help you any but Jesus Christ, what a nasty excuse of a man he is.

And as for whinging when you bring breakfast in bed to him, words fail! Any decent person would be appreciative and thankful not complaining.

for you.