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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Where do I go now?

39 replies

ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 16:28

I just really need some advice as to what to do and maybe where to go with no money and a two year old....

I dont think Its fair on anyone of us if I stay, yet dont know if im brave enough to go or If thats what I really want...I havent been married more than 18 months and have money debts that wouldnt go away even if we sold our house,I just want to be happy again and for my little girl to be happy...

OP posts:
Easy · 04/04/2005 16:32

Do you mean going away from your husband?

Is he causing you unhappiness, is he the cause of your debts.

Are you sure you can leave it all behind, or will you just take your troubles with you?

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 16:43

Yes moving without my husband,we just dont seem to have anything in common anymore,And the more i think of it i dont know if we really did...I know at one stage we were happy but they were always short lived....
The debts are ours together thru our wedding etc,changing cars,holidays....
I dont know if I love him anymore and I dont want to leave and feel that i had made a huge mistake...
We have been trying for number 2 for a year and nearly 5 months,and have just gone to doctors,o we carry on and see the docs as a happy couple or leave it?but then what if we start trying again in say a years time and then will we hae to wait another year before we have to seek help{if we need it}

OP posts:
nikcola · 04/04/2005 16:44

ebbie22, do you live near me?

expatinscotland · 04/04/2005 16:46

Ebbie
Have you considered some couples counselling - or, if he won't go, counselling on your own. TTC can be very depressing and sad. It might be a good idea to visit your GP and ask for a referral for some counselling or visit the Relate website for some help before calling it quits.

Some debt counselling can also help you not feel so overwhelmed by debt and go a long way towards getting you on the road to being debt free.

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 16:56

Thank you all for your advice and yes Nicola i think i do live near you...We are sorting out our ddebts and are hopefully in the middle of remorg,but have ofton thought of counceling and have looked into relate but think we might of gone to far back for counceling...

OP posts:
noddyholder · 04/04/2005 16:58

why are you trying for a baby if you want to leave him?Surely that will make things harder

nikcola · 04/04/2005 17:00

email me mate

[email protected]

{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Fio2 · 04/04/2005 17:02

why have you been trying for no.2?

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 17:09

When we started trying for another baby we werent having big problems,
I dont have time on my side to wait for years and years and didnt expect it to take months when you fall within months of trying with your first with problems that should make it take ages...
I dont want my dd to be an only child so wanted a db or ds close together,also dont want child with anyone else,and whatever people say i am admeant about that....

OP posts:
Fio2 · 04/04/2005 17:10

do you think the ttc for months has added to pressure?

io wasnt being judgemental btw, just curious

mummytosteven · 04/04/2005 17:12

gonna be nosy now and ask how old you are, as IIRC you're not very old, so wondering why you don't think time is on your side. is it due to wanting to have kids close together?

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 17:17

I think its not helping that we have been trying for so long,but when you love each other your suppose to get thru anything together and we dont....
I am early 20s so yes I am still wrong but have womans trouble which could be why we are not pregnant yet but without the tests etc we wont know...

OP posts:
Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 17:18

Young even

OP posts:
munz · 04/04/2005 17:48

EB u're not alone. u're not too old either, i'm 23 and have been TTC for 10 months now.

have you spoken to DH about this? could you spend some time alone again to see how the land lies so to speak?

mummytosteven · 04/04/2005 17:52

worth getting your gynae problems checked out then, whatever you decide about DH.

how much do you reckon the probs between you and DH are down to the usual stress/money probs after a kid and/or the stress of TTC?

expatinscotland · 04/04/2005 20:52

Please go get yourself checked out at your GP. Some hormonal imbalances can affect more than TTC - they can make your irritable, anxious, depressed, etc. And can be treated. First port of call should be your doctor.

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 21:05

I have been to a gyne many a times in fact and until i have all my children that I want there isnt really much they can do for me...I did ask them to do a blood test but they want to check dh out first as if all comes back clear then they will move on to me...

Sorry that its taken me this long to reply but have been busy with work etc.....Do any oof you know where i could stay with my dd to find out what i really want?

OP posts:
Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 21:24

I just dont know what to do or who to turn to?I dont want my f.i.r.l to know all the ins and outs as i dont want anyone to take sides..Despite everything he is the man i feel in love with and is a damm good father to my dd,I ust dont know how to act as if everything is ok when its so not..

OP posts:
FIMAC1 · 04/04/2005 21:35

There should be a Womens shelter nearby - your Doctors would be able to put you in touch - or the Police. The Doctors would also be able to put you in touch with a counsellor to help you.

Take care

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 21:36

But i am married and dont want to sell the house or our things until i know for sure.....

OP posts:
FIMAC1 · 04/04/2005 21:37

I think you need some professional help to let you know the legal side of things - Citizens Advice bureau would be a good start

Original poster
ebbie22 · 04/04/2005 21:40

Thanks,and thats to all that have helped me this afternoon,i needed it thats for sure,have to go now but anymore advice is much appreciated xxxTake care of each other x

OP posts:
FIMAC1 · 04/04/2005 21:42

Take care and have a word with the Citizens advice - they may come up with something that we haven't thought of

munz · 05/04/2005 08:49

do you have a friend or relative in another town who you could 'visit' and have a good think on things? obviously u don't have to let anything go if u don't want to. think hard about it, if u really really want to give it one last try then do, but theres not much point if it's only going to be half hearted, or at least that's what I feel, does ur DH know how u feel? would talking to him help?

Original poster
ebbie22 · 05/04/2005 10:55

Thanks again fo all ur advice,I have told him how I feel,well as well as i can do as dont even know what or how I feel anymore....
We dont have much money at the moment but im not asking for money etc,I want the little things in life,like someone to laugh with,to spend time as a familly and not feel as if im a single mum but living in a married life.....
I had my bday not that long ago and we didnt do anything together,he got our bathroom delieved the weekend before and got his friend to arrive early on bday morn,didnt get breakfast in bed,or even dinner,I took my dd out for the day just so i wouldnt be at home alone(so to speak)...I wouldnt care but only once has he taken me out for dinner on my bday,and it was lovely...I dont want the big things,just the little things that mean alot....
Sorry to go on,am just starting to open up to you all xx

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