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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Private Email from a Wife Batterer

77 replies

giblets · 13/01/2009 00:14

Thought people may be interested in the type of email I receive from my partner, who I have been involved with for 6 years. Nothing's been edited in his email except for our daughter's name. It's his reply to a 3 line email I sent him asking if he wants to pick up his daughter from creche (he hadn't seen her for nearly 2 months by then).

Just for the note, I don't have a 'turgid' past and he is free to see her whenever he likes, he doesn't work so complains at the £6 petrol costs him to drive to see her.

Two months after this email, we conceived our latest baby....an example of how women operate in relationships where domestic violence is involved....

I think I can be forgiven the 'invasion of privacy' for publishing his email.

no thank you

Sit down and get out your hanky

in 3 months time or perhaps 6 or maybe sooner, you will be going back to your turgid past, where you belong.
You don't deserve what you have and have had, what's more you are not, nor have you even ever been gratefull for any of it.
I don't like you, what little glimmer of goodness that occassionally shines through or the random act of kindness is swamped by your relentless selfish unrepentant knieving evil, you live in your little made up world where you can't distinguish truth from your contrieved fiction and believe you are the complete opposite to what you have actually become, you are nothing like the person I thought I met all those years ago, you have changed for the worse and continue on a downward spiral of greater despicability. Despite you believing people can't change, you are your own living proof that they can; and not always for the better. No-one that gets to know you is going to like you, your mind is locked in an illusionary state. Some people see through you straight away, while for others it takes longer, the majority you will fool always.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure, than if my daughter grows up, takes control of her own thoughts and uncoherced repeats to you what I'm telling you now.
There are plenty of derogatory names or terms for people like you, the common concensus or denominator being that you are unpleasant to be around, you are a turd in name only, if you were a real turd, I would flush you down the toilet with pleasure and relish in the newly aquired freshness that abounds in the air .
As much as I'd like to, I can't take away from your influence, or is that effluence.
I am not going to get emotianally attached to ** to be hurt even more by you at a later date.
I pity the poor girl, she was a perfect child, she should have been my child, to be brought up by a loving, caring family and stable home. Choosing you as a suitable partner was my stupid or compasionate mistake .
The pleasure of seeing at the weekend was the only thing I had to look forward to, you deciding that you can control when, where and how long for I can see her was your final mistake, I will settle for photographs of 14 happy months that I had with my daughter, you will never tell me what to do, where to go, what to think, wear or say, ever again.
You are both history, I will find myself a decent woman, not a difficult task, if decency is the only criteria then there are plenty around, with perhaps a ready made family, i.e. children, and I will enjoy their company as much as they will enjoy mine, we will live a happy peaceful, normal family life; live, love, laugh and play and have fun together, something that comes naturally to me, something you have always wanted but can only ever dream about in your fantasies, it will never happen for you because of the nasty, deluded, self-centred, inconsiderate person that you are and always will be.
Right now you are actually needed, because having any mother and a home is better than no mother at all, prior to this your existence was a waste of space and time in this universe, nevermind spoken words or written text that have been wasted on you, despite what you think or believe, I have been nothing but good to you and I have tried without success to influence you in the path of goodness for a long, long time and have given you considerably more chances to change for the better than anyone would have ever considered reasonable, I don't regret in the slightest hurting you with an email like this, I think you deserve far worse, however will not, for * sake, she deserves a chance, but needs some serious luck and willpower to resist the quagmire of deluded selfrighteousness that you carry in that damaged mind of yours.

OP posts:
AbricotsSecs · 13/01/2009 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thumbwitch · 13/01/2009 00:25

dear god giblets - the biggest is that you actually had sex with him again. What were you thinking?

And you are still with him?

Please tell us why you have posted this - do you want help to leave him, or reassurance that he is a nutter (to help you to leave him) or what?

cali · 13/01/2009 00:26

he is the one who has a damaged mind!

spookycharlotte121 · 13/01/2009 00:27

OMG, he sounds vile.... please tell me you are no longer with him.

ConstanceWearing · 13/01/2009 00:27

The man can't spell for shit.

And secondly, OMG, he is so engrossed in his own fabulousness, I wonder he could spare two seconds thought to bother replying to your e-mail. Read this over and over and over until it makes you laugh, my love. That's what this man's behaviour and attitude should do to you. It should make you laugh that anyone so far up their own arse can still see to type on the keyboard.

I had one of those as a husband. They are a lot better at a distance of about seven miles. ((()))

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 13/01/2009 00:30

BLimey, what an utter loon! I think TBH you might be best off stopping any contact between him and your DD if he's that unstable - has he been physically violent in the past?

TBH I have had similar rants posted about me by nutters on the internet, luckily I have never been in a position of being unable to avoid having any actual contact with these people, but that level of hatred is worrying if the person expressing it knows where you live.

ConstanceWearing · 13/01/2009 00:31

Didn't mean to imply that battering was funny in any way whatsoever. I know myself that it is not. Just wishing that you can recover from his influence over you, and I sincerely hope you find the strength to do that.

HolyGuacamole · 13/01/2009 00:32

I have no words

load · 13/01/2009 00:32

Giblets.
Have you left him. Please say you have.

VinegarTits · 13/01/2009 00:34

Please tell me he is now your ex?

thumbwitch · 13/01/2009 00:36

didn't sound like it from her first line.

ThePlanningCommittee · 13/01/2009 00:36

he's clearly one of those wankers who likes to think he's 'articulate' (despite an evident inablity to spell his big words correctly), and is in possession of a hugely inflated ego coupled with a totally unwarranted sense of self-importance.

You know what we're going to say: block his email address, see a solicitor, have contact with him only via a third party, sort out reasonable access for the DC(s) and GET RID.

Evil tossers like this only understand one language: silence. Stop engaging with him and get on with your life. And don't shag him again!

treedelivery · 13/01/2009 00:52

Oh God
I hope one day you can get you and yours away from this man. The idea of my child interacting with a thing like him makes me want to live on an island.

thumbwitch · 13/01/2009 00:57

Giblets, are you still pg to him or have you had the baby?

please come back and talk to us.

treedelivery · 13/01/2009 01:00

What you must have been through/be going through.

GoodRiddance · 13/01/2009 02:28

'A ready made family ie children.'
What a hysterical pile of crap.
These men do not actually feel present unless they are imposing their fuckedup psycho personalities on someone else.
Wishing you strength and the courage to leave him, as soon as you can.

Mum2OJ · 13/01/2009 03:45

Giblets, your pertner sounds just like my XP, if you need/want to talk, someone impartial who is just coming out the other side of a relationship like that (XP could have written that himself in ref to the nastiness) then please add me to MSN, i used to wish i had someone impartial to talk to when i was with XP but didn't have anyone.

My MSN/email is [email protected]

I hope you are ok

MaddieMoonlighting · 13/01/2009 08:20

Not only can he not spell some of the larger words he uses, he cannot even understand them well enough to use them in the right context.

How strange that so many of the accustations he is hurling at you, Giblets, he is exhibiting himself in the way he types. He sounds really quite deluded and unwell mentally and I pity any poor future partner or children he comes into contact with.

Why did you get pregnant by him again? Are you frightened of him and feeling unable to break free of this relationship?

PottyCock · 13/01/2009 08:24

"the path of goodness"....

please say you are no longer with this person. How awful.

Lulumama · 13/01/2009 08:26

not sure what you are hoping to achieve by posting this

he is clearly a nasty, insulting , controlling and frankly stupid man , with an inflated sense of self

what is almost more frightening is that you , i am presuming, willingly went to bed with him and had unprotected sex and are now pregnant, despite the fact he clearly despises you and does not bother with the child you hvae

you need help and fast. you can;t change him, he thinks he is perfect and god like, but you need to find the strength to get away

he is poison

stroppyknickers · 13/01/2009 08:30

why have you posted an old email?

GumsNRoses · 13/01/2009 08:46

Sounds just like my ex-twat, Kicked him out 9 years ago, and he wont have anything to do with the D'cs till they are old enough to be away from me, my youngest daughter is 12 and has not seen her, Dad!!! since she was 4.

Her older brothers have all left home now and see him occasionly, but while she is living with me he wont see her, oh and a cats a better mother than me according to him.

He lost control when I said enough, and all he has left now is to twist the knife in over our Dd, but what he hasn't got the brain to work out is, she couldn't care less and has no desire to spend time with him, and his loss is my gain.

I have remarried, and my Dd calls herself by her Step-dads name, by her own choice.

These Men are such idiots, you do not need this toxic bully in your life, get as far away as you can.

Lauriefairycake · 13/01/2009 08:52

Maybe you ought to think about leaving him and not having any more children with him - it doesn't sound like he respects you much.

dittany · 13/01/2009 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stroppyknickers · 13/01/2009 08:58

still don't get what has now made you post an out of date email? what has happened since then, presumably 11 months ago, to make you do this?

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