We have 2 dc's, both very small. They are both demanding, one has mild SN, the other is just at the screechy and into everything age. I am a SAHM although would love to go back to work, had arranged to go back but my childcare arrangements have just fallen through. My life consists of looking after the children and running everything to do with the house as DH works away.
Since ds2's 1st birthday, DH has initiated a conversation on roughly a monthly basis where he's said, among other things, that he's bored with our relationship, we've gone stale, I don't talk about anything other than the children, he can't see how we can regain the spark we once had etc etc. He's told me he's thought about leaving and leaves the conversation open, saying he just doesn't know what to do. After each of these conversations, I feel dreadful for a few days, he acts almost as if nothing's happened, we get back on an evenish keel and then it all happens again. We don't argue and generally get on really well, but due to the demands of the dc's, we don't really spend any time without them, and life with them is demanding at the moment.
Over the last few weeks we've been getting on really well, and I've felt much happier about things, but last night he totally threw me by starting up with the same conversation again. This time he threw in the "familiarity breeds contempt" line. I didn't sleep last night and just feel awful now.
We moved to a new area for his job shortly after ds1 arrived, and I have no family anywhere nearby, and friends who I've only known a short time. DH then got a new job hundreds of miles away and works away most of the week, he has a high flying job and is treated to meals out, corporate entertainment etc. His life is very different from mine now we have children and I don't have a similar job. I do have interests of my own, and plenty of friends but my life revolves round the dc's at the moment, just because it has to. I try and make an effort with my appearance and haven't totally let myself go or anything.
I really don't know what to do - I know he's not being fair (tbh I can't quite believe how selfish he is being) but I don't know if I can make the decision to break up our family, I think he needs to realise the responsibilities he has and I'm not prepared to take the guilt out of it for him. I went to marriage counselling a couple of times, which really helped me, but DH won't go, he says they won't be able to tell him anything he doesn't already know.
I don't think there is someone else on the scene although he has a close female work friend who I have very vague suspicions about. She has a partner and dc.
What to do. This feeling is awful and I don't want to keep going through the same cycle over and over again.