Husband is leaving / has left.

[Marriedtoolong]

I am in need of some advice please.

Have been married for 30 years. Been together since we were teenagers. Have one child (12) who was the result of much trying and was much wanted by both of us.

Have recently found that my husband (no divorce proceedings started by either of us) has another child born at the start of 2008. We were still 'together' at the time of this childs birth.

He now tells me he wants to be with the other woman and the child and he wants them to live as a family in our house. He expects me to move out to a smaller property. He says I am not to expect maintenence as I work (I always have to help us as a family)

Please tell me what I have to do to not move out of my house. He expects to move the OW in, plus the new child and have my son live with them. I cannot bear the thought.

He says that a court will look at the cold hard facts but surely they will take into consideration the life of a teenage boy. Surely, please tell me they will.

My son has never met this OW or the child though I try my best to make him understand they are his family, he (IMHO, undeerstandly) is angry.

Am lost.

I have no relevant experience myself but I would strongly urge you to seek legal advice. I can't believe that he will be able to get away with these plans, after all he was unfaithful to you.

Oh good Lord MTL how dreadful.

I have no experience, but am pretty sure that others in the know will say, don't move out, stay put, hold fast and GET SOME ADVICE ASAP

[holding hands]

God, poor you, what a bastard. He's having a laugh though. I think it's exceptionally unlikely that any court would expect you to move out and grant him custody unless that's what your son wants. You need to see a solicitor though ASAP.

i bet you are -0 its a lifetime.

i think you need to see a solicitor asap. fight fight fight baby, dont let himscrew around on you and them cast your whole life to one side like it meant nothing.

fuck that
fuck him

Oh god, poor you. I can't answer your questions (I'm sure someone will soon), but I really feel for you. You must be going through hell.

Non-MN style {{{{hugs}}}} to you

He cannot make you leave the home. You should not leave.

Get advice from CAB first thing tomorrow.

I'm not sure about this, but I'm pretty certain no judge in the land will make you move out and your ex h move in just like that. The very worst that will happen is you may have to sell the family home and split the equity remaining, much more likely though is that you will keep the family home and stay with your son, and your ex will have to pay maintenance for your son. Sounds like your ex is a horrible bully.

Your son's opinions HAVE to be taken into account, and given what you've said, it doesn't sound as if your son would happily live with them.

Your H will be rquired to keep a roof over your son's head, and if he's living with you, over your head as well. It would be utterly unreasonable to expect him to move in a with father who'd betrayed him, and his new family.

Am no legal use to you other than the advise to my best mate when she divorced her ex (from her brief) was DO NOT LEAVE the marital home. Tell that cheating prick to go run and jump. AND he wants your son . Bastard.

I agree with custardo- fight to the death- DO NOT get bullied by this loser.

I am just hoping that my son and I can stay in our home until my son leaves home. That's not a long time (Probably before his new child even goes to school).

I think it's very wrong that my son would see his mum replaced, in his own home.

My son is quite immature (all boys, I think). He would choose to stay with me, without question. I am sure.

He needs consistency now, not this. He deserves and was promised better. He wasn't an accident or not intended. He was planned. I feel so angry about this.

Why would she wish to move into my house, a house he and I and our son have lived in as a family. I feel that my son would have emotional issues with seeing me move out (whether he moved with me or not) to see another woman move in. My husband is not here at the moment. Surely, this must give me some rights, He has left me.

Has anyone ever been through this? Am feeling so lost and alone. I thought he would come back

I am a lawyer do not leave home get legal advice straight away.

I agree it would be immensly damaging for your son to see you replaced in the family home, and I'm sure this would be the first consideration of any judge when awarding custody. My FIL did this to his family, my dh and his mum moved in to a small flat (dh's sister was old enough to live on her own which she chose to do) while my FIL moved his new woman in to the old home (where she promptly burned all dh's toys and books - bitch) It has scarred dh ever since. He has never trusted his father, didn't see him for 15 years after that, and his relationship is still poor now. Don't leave your home, get good legal advice and be strong.

My god, what a heartless.. words fail me. I am so sorry for you, nobody deserves this treatment. Under no circumstances move out of your house, you have every right to be there and a solicitor would tell you likewise. I hope you have some good friends and family around you, I can't imagine what you are going through and for your child also. Men (most of them) are complete bastards. I hope you can be strong and will be ok. Hugs to you both

Get the locks changed

Nothing to add, just support

Get legal advice, and get a good support network.

God what a crap situation.

If money is an issue lots of solicitors do a free half hour or an hour. Agree that a judge would look at teh child's best interests - and he is old enough that he would probably be asked what he wants to happen. Your DH is a loon if he thinks that the proposed arrangement is in anyone's best interest apart from him - get good legal advise and fight all the way. Are the mortgage/house deeds in joint names?

BTW, I would post in "legal" or whatever..
Do we have a legal section

So sorry for you. It may be that the OW - with her baby - is in need of a home and so he's promised her that, and is hoping that by bullying you he can give her what she wants. Anyway, he's dreaming. Legal advice will sort this out for you - start with CAB immediately as others have said. I very much doubt he can have either your home or your son.

Do NOT change the locks - it not legal. It would not be legal if he did it either. Seek legal advice immediately.

Are you on the mortgage - if there is one? You must go to se a solicitor tomorrow.

I have changed the locks, thankyou.

I am not wishing to obtain a big financial settlement and have come to terms with the end of my marriage but strongly wish to secure some stability for my son. Everything is currently in joint names, but he is the breadwinner, though goodness knows where his money is currently going.

I do think the whole thing seems to be set up to suit him. I cannot fathom why he thinks I would move out or she would move in. I wonder if he is having a mid life crisis

Oh goodness, what a nightmare for you. Please follow the advice on here. The first thing you should do in the morning is speak to a solicitor.

Your husband sounds like a cold, cruel bastard (sorry). I hope you have some real life support.

Tell him he's dreaming.

Fucking bastard

Have started a thread in legal linking to this thread and asking for advice - hope that's OK.