Husband is leaving / has left.

[Marriedtoolong]

I am in need of some advice please.

Have been married for 30 years. Been together since we were teenagers. Have one child (12) who was the result of much trying and was much wanted by both of us.

Have recently found that my husband (no divorce proceedings started by either of us) has another child born at the start of 2008. We were still 'together' at the time of this childs birth.

He now tells me he wants to be with the other woman and the child and he wants them to live as a family in our house. He expects me to move out to a smaller property. He says I am not to expect maintenence as I work (I always have to help us as a family)

Please tell me what I have to do to not move out of my house. He expects to move the OW in, plus the new child and have my son live with them. I cannot bear the thought.

He says that a court will look at the cold hard facts but surely they will take into consideration the life of a teenage boy. Surely, please tell me they will.

My son has never met this OW or the child though I try my best to make him understand they are his family, he (IMHO, undeerstandly) is angry.

Am lost.

Please get a good solicitor and don't you dare move out of your house!

You are entitled to live there, he left you, let him start again, not you.

And get that other woman named on the divorce papers.

Then you and your son can start thinking about practical steps to take to help with all the emotional distress.

Do you have a good friend who could come along to the solicitor's with you?

You really need to talk to a good RL friend and a family law solicitor.

Start by going to a solicitor!
You wont make it real by going, IT IS REAL already, you are just refusing to face up to it, and may lose your home and maintenance payment in the process! Sticking your head in the sand wont help. Please go see a professional. THAT is your starting point.

MTL, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, you have done nothing wrong. I can understand that it will be hard for you to talk to someone face to face about this but please don't worry, it will be fine. If you go to a specialist family lawyer they will have heard a lot worse, I can promise you that. They will not judge you and will give you the support and confidence that you need to move forward in this horrible situation. If you are in the Surrey/West Sussex areas I can recommend several good family lawyers to you or alternatively contact the Law Society or look on the 'resolution' website (think someone gave details earlier in this thread)
You are right, you do not have to force your son to have contact with his father and the OW. He is of the age where he is capable of making his own decisions and clearly, he is not ready. If your husband does not like this, his only recourse is to make an application to the County Court for a Contact Order. However, bearing in mind the circumstances and the age of your son, in my opinion, it is unlikely that any Judge would order contact. If an application is made, it is likely that a CAFCASS officer (government appointed official) would become involved and he/she would see both you and your husband separately and discuss this matter in great detail. Given your sons age, it is probable that he would be spoken to and if his view remains firm that he doesn't want to see his father/ow then this would be noted and the CAFCASS officer would make his/her recommendations. I believe it is highly unlikely a Contact Order would be made against his wishes, so hopefully this is one less thing for you to worry about.
Please go and see someone in order to protect yourself and your sons interests.