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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

huge fight with dh, how to make it up with him, when hes not even speaking....

41 replies

dramaqueen72 · 13/03/2005 17:10

had huge row with dh this morning, which involved him storming out for most of day. sigh. he can be so bloody nasty when he wants and this time i gave as good as i got. infact prob worse.
so now i'm passed angry, and hes returned home. but hes still very angry and refuses to speak to me/be in same area and has told me to f off. good good lovely atmosphere here....... so now hes sulking in the bath, which he can stay in for hours. i'm kinda stuck with what to do now. he was unreasonable this morning, but i'm sorry we fought over it, and i know i was unreasonable back in defense. shall i just leave him alone? what would you do?

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 13/03/2005 17:18

Leave him til he is wrinkled like a prune.

Then make him a lovely choccy mousse for pudding tonight with exlax instead of chocolate. That'll teach him.

JoolsToo · 13/03/2005 17:20

if you really want it over - why not just go up and say 'truce?' (and hope for a hug) if he's still not ready - leave him to stew and wait for him to come to you.

Original poster

dramaqueen72 · 13/03/2005 17:28

i dont think i'd better try speaking to him for abit jools, he is not approachable currently!
but i do want to stop fighting/sulking, its horrible here.
CD - v tempting, as we had relatives down today, who wondered where on earth he was......so i had to waffle for him. .....but i wont do the pudding.not this time anyhow.....

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 13/03/2005 17:31

Pretty low to strop off when there are relatives around, dq. I'd wait for him to come to you!

itsalongtimecoming · 13/03/2005 17:34

we when row the other normally takes a cuppa in to smoth things over.

RudyDudy · 13/03/2005 17:37

dq - poor you. Especially with relatives around - that's v. unfair, imo. Fortunately he doesn't do it very often but my DH is of the sulking variety and I know how frustrating it can be when you want to talk and sort it out and they refuse to. Try acknowleding that you were unreasonable and explaining what was going on for you. Whatever you do, don't ask him why he did what ever he did or why he went off all day as it will only make him more defensive (imo). Have your say calmly (possibly through the bathroom door if nec) and then tell him you will leave it to him when he is ready to talk to you. I don't think you should try and force him but if you've been able to say your stuff then you may feel less frustrated.

Good luck and I hope he thaws soon

Twiglett · 13/03/2005 17:48

Suppose it depends on who was in the wrong, how in the wrong you were and how he normally comes out of his moods

if he needs leaving alone just leave him alone

if it was your fault then apologise

if it was your fault you got nasty then apologise

if it was his fault then stick his head in a cheese grater

giraffeski · 13/03/2005 18:23

Message withdrawn

bibiboo · 13/03/2005 18:35

My current fave when I've been a bit of btch to dh is to wait for things to calm a bit, and then affectionately ask "have you finished being such a btch now?" - we usually end up laughing our bots off at how stupid we've been
good luck

PS. If he was int he wrong big time, I agree whole heartedly with twiglett's cheese grater suggestion

Original poster

dramaqueen72 · 13/03/2005 18:54

oh well, now he lying on our bed 'sleeping' he refused dinner (tho not so rudely) but shrugged when i said i'd put in it the oven for late....so poss thawing there.
he started it and then i seriously flipped -it been a tough week one way or another so i KNOW i lost it, but -in my defense!- he did start going on and on at me. i tend not to lose it, not to lose it,......and then BINGO lose it big time. oops. suspect he will be sulking all night and well into tomorrow, before he forgives me. the fact he actually poked me with large verbal stick is 'forgotten' and i end up being the 'bad guy' -we done this before!!! and hes right i am outaline when i lose it, but!!!... sigh sigh sigh. it doesnt happen often (thankfully) but everyso often we do have this kinda barny.
thanks for the suggestions and support, have cheese grater and elax at the ready if he wont thaw at all!!!!

OP posts:

Tortington · 13/03/2005 19:17

sounds like you have tried on your part to engage with him. at this point i would do the flipping. i would tell him that i have tried and he has taken things to far. and tell him that if this is the way he wants it F.I.N.E.

is he upstairs whilst you have the children? if so i would tell him to go sulk in the living room where he can look after the kids for a bit as its your turn to lock yourself away.

i find my dh likes to sulk longer if he thinks he is hurting me or making me feel guilty, however i have a time clock on how long i will be emotionally put under the thumb before it blows up in his face.

Original poster

dramaqueen72 · 13/03/2005 19:25

i'm depressed. now hes up, and angry. refused to eat 'that' (the dinner in oven), said would make his own tea. when ds said he was going to the shop, i handed him some money to get some milk, dh took it off ds and threw it back and said 'we dont need her money, i'll get the milk'
so now i'm just hurt and upset. half of me wants to drive away very very fast. half of me feels abit sick. looks like a fabulous night ahead of me then.

OP posts:

Tortington · 13/03/2005 19:31

what a rubbish thing to do infront of the lad. this would make me more determined to be just as angry.the poor kid must be feeling dreadful.

sorry he sounds like a complete tosser i hope you tell him your having the bed tonight.

Original poster

dramaqueen72 · 13/03/2005 19:32

you think i should stop trying to be nice?

OP posts:

kama · 13/03/2005 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kama · 13/03/2005 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 13/03/2005 19:38

yeah good idea kama. if your ds could go stay at someones house whilst your dh is being twatty even if he misses school tomorrow - it might be better for him.

for fecks sake dont be nice to him.

oxocube · 13/03/2005 19:38

Involving children in an adult argument is always childish and unacceptable. I would leave the truce making until he has completely calmed down then try to have a rational discussion. Failing that, there's always the ex-lax

LGJ · 13/03/2005 19:42

Tell him to go and shite !!!!!!!!!!!!

And then tell him that is your last word on the subject.

LGJ · 13/03/2005 19:42

Custardo

for fecks sake dont be nice to him.

You Irish ??

romilly · 13/03/2005 19:48

dramaqueen - really sorry to see this was your thread

know how you feel - mines a prize sulker too

ggglimpopo · 13/03/2005 19:49

Message withdrawn

LGJ · 13/03/2005 19:49

When my Mum and Dad were newly married all those 40 odd years ago...................

They subscribed at the beginning to the school of thought of never going to bed on an argument.

So........... she would make up, very grudgingly, have an onion sandwich for a late night snack and then "forget" to brush her teeth.

bibiboo · 13/03/2005 19:49

Involving your son is both unfair, slightly cruel and confusing for the lad and very, very childish of dh.
DO NOT BACK DOWN. If he wants a bad atmosphere, let him have one - on his own. Take ds out, down the shops, over relatives, anywhere and leave him to stew in his own juice.

Tortington · 13/03/2005 19:51

no not irish just trying to swear more politley !

DQ hows it going hunny?

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