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Original poster

Reading each others e-mails

43 replies

kayzisexpecting · 29/10/2008 11:18

I know its been done to death but I can't remember what people thought.

The other day I had a friend round. We were looking at stuff on the net and DH asked if I would check his e-mails. I often check his e-mails for him as he doesn't check them that much so he gets me to do it. He only really uses his e-mail address for Facebook so it is mainly junk in his inbox.

My friend found this very strange and asked why I would check his e-mails and she thinks I don't trust my DH which I do.

I would never check them without him asking me first and I am quite happy for him to check mine.

Does anyone else find it really strange that we're quite happy for each other to see our e-mails?

OP posts:
MurderousMarla · 29/10/2008 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickytwooootimes · 29/10/2008 11:21

Seems normal to me.
We share an email address anyway.
I would ask him to open 'my' mail too, and vice versa.
It would be odd to be married/in a relationship and not, imo.

LostHorizon · 29/10/2008 11:21

What about the privacy of the party who wrote the email?

IIRC letters are the property of the sender and you can ask for them back.

sammybeth · 29/10/2008 11:23

No its not strange. I check my dp,s e-mails every day as he cant be bothered and its normally only junk anyway. I think if they have a problem with it then theres something wrong.

Original poster
kayzisexpecting · 29/10/2008 11:25

I can understand why people might find it strange if your DP didn't know you did it but when they ask you to have a look if you have anything interesting(which he never does, its all viagra and bingo e-mails mainly)

OP posts:
nickytwooootimes · 29/10/2008 11:26

Letters are the property of the sender?
Really?
Who would actually implement that "law"?

QuintessentialShadows · 29/10/2008 11:27

I open all my dhs letters. It is part of what I do, as the person in charge of everything.

I dont snoop in his email, neither he in mine. But I dont mind if he reads, and there has been occassions where he askes me to check his mail, and reply to antying that needs a response.

hercules1 · 29/10/2008 11:29

I can't imagine anything more boring than reading dh's email and him mine.

choosyfloosy · 29/10/2008 11:30

we only check when we specifically ask each other to do so - but we do.

Backfired on me this weekend actually - I'd forgotten that there was something in my emails I wanted more time before telling dh about. Probably a good thing that it came out though. Secrets and privacy are different things.

AmIWhatAndWhy · 29/10/2008 11:31

I open all mail here too, and check DP's personal email if asked and he does the same for me. The only thing I don't know how to log into is his work email server, but a) I wouldn't want or need to and b) it wouldn't be allowed for data protection reasons.

AMumInScotland · 29/10/2008 11:32

Mine and DH's emails all go into the same folder, and we can both read them quite freely. It's not about checking up, just that we don't have anything on emails that we wouldn't want the other to see.

LostHorizon · 29/10/2008 11:35

NTT: yeah, I think so. IIRC, some weasel tried to sell some of Lady Di's letters after her death and was prevented from doing so because they were technically the property of her estate. She wrote them = they're hers, but she's dead = they belong to her estate.

Or maybe it was a dead Beatle's letters. Can't remember who exactly.

When you read a text, email or letter intended for someone else, you violate the privacy of the sender as well as the recipient.

Original poster
kayzisexpecting · 29/10/2008 11:39

The only time he doesn't ask me to look at them is near my birthday or xmas, so I don't know what he has got me.

OP posts:
Northumberlandlass · 29/10/2008 11:47

I would never open any of DH mail and I don't know his login / passwords etc. Why would I? It's private.
x

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/10/2008 12:35

But he asked you to check right? That's like asking someone to open a letter when you know you are expecting something important...

mine are open (yahoo is the homepage and i always stay signed in) and i know DH's password because I have needed to check his emals before but I wouldn't look at them unless there was a reason. Likewise with facebook.

Original poster
kayzisexpecting · 29/10/2008 14:32

Yeah he asked me to check. Thats why I thought my friends reaction was slightly strange. I didn't go and check them without his permission.

OP posts:
Fizzfiend · 29/10/2008 15:31

I would never look at DH's email or snail mail unless he asked me to. We're married, not one person - it's important to keep your identity as a person.

honestfriend · 29/10/2008 15:58

I would not dream of looking at DHs emails- don't know his password. I would not want him reading mine as I offload to various girlfriends about stuff and it is private.
It's the same as opening a letter addressed to someone else- not on, imo.
Just because you are married doesn't mean you have to know every thought in your partner's head or what they have "said" to friends in an email

procrastinatingparent · 29/10/2008 16:06

All our emails (two separate addresses) go into both our inboxes. So both of us get emails addressed to each other, IYSWIM.

This is so we don't have to talk about tedious things like when our meetings are, and can instead discuss exciting gossip without having to tell the other person about it first. (OK. Without me having to badger DH to tell me.)

Because DH's work life overlaps hugely with our home life it works well. Only downside is that I have to use tedious web-based email address to buy presents for him.

DivaSkyChick · 29/10/2008 18:05

My husband and I know all each other's passwords - we use the same one for everything. We are free to read each other's mail and sometimes do for various reasons, none nefarious.

I do have one friend who was livid when she found out. Never really occurred to me before hand but seems like an obvious issue now. So I told him not to read her emails and he's happy to oblige. I think he knows I would tell him anyway if it was interesting. Which I guess makes me a crap friend but happily married!

Original poster
kayzisexpecting · 29/10/2008 18:27

I never actually open the e-mails and for the past however long he has got me to check them he has never recived an e-mail from a friend. They are mainly junk.

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 29/10/2008 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyWoman · 29/10/2008 19:42

most of the mail in our house is bills anyway. I dont have a problem with him looking at my emails but i would rather he said.

Trust is a funny thing - even in our worst times i still knew his passwords and could easily have emptied the accounts and he would have not been the wiser, and he wasnt even living here at the time.
So i dont think it is just a question of trust.

itchybird · 29/10/2008 23:53

i don't get this reading each other's emails.

My email password is MINE and private and if I ever type it in computer, my DH looks away on purpose ( i don't know his either or his facebook password).

My girlfriends often send me very private, personal emails and I don't want hubby reading them and am sure my friends don't.

Tonight, I sent an email about the coil to 3 of my friends who wanted some information about it. The email contained some personal stuff about my periods etc and while I know it's nothing to be embarassed about I felt a bit funny knowing their husbands probably read it too.

I can only imagine that sharing emails is for people with no close girlfriends??

SalLikesCoffee · 30/10/2008 00:03

I don't think it's odd if he asked you to. I would never log into dh's unless asked, but if so, it's no different to opening a bill etc when asked.

I know his password obv (as asked to open before), but wouldn't go in there on my own, or if asked, wouldn't open any other e-mails than the one(s) in question. Nothing exciting or secret, but just feels a bit strange.

Same from his side - if I'm away from computer and need to know whether an e-mail has been received, I'll call him and ask to check. He'd never snoop. I wish he would btw, all those holidays being advertised needs to be read!