Reading each others e-mails

[kayzisexpecting]

I know its been done to death but I can't remember what people thought.

The other day I had a friend round. We were looking at stuff on the net and DH asked if I would check his e-mails. I often check his e-mails for him as he doesn't check them that much so he gets me to do it. He only really uses his e-mail address for Facebook so it is mainly junk in his inbox.

My friend found this very strange and asked why I would check his e-mails and she thinks I don't trust my DH which I do.

I would never check them without him asking me first and I am quite happy for him to check mine.

Does anyone else find it really strange that we're quite happy for each other to see our e-mails?

Some people are more into privacy than others. It's another of those things that you should discuss with a partner before you start doing it (not that I have couple relationships, but if I did, snooping on my emails/txt/snailmail/diary would be a dumping offence). If both parties are the sort of sad codependent types who wear matching anoraks in sainsburys OK with it then it's up to them.

I kind of assume that if I send an email to a friend that I am effectively telling her dh as well.

it really hadn't occurred to me that people's dhs read their emails. that horrifies me - i write all sorts of private things to my girlfriends, and some men friends too. i guess we're not as close as some couples, but its the way that works for us.

We never READ the e-mails. We just check to see if there is anything from someone important. Neither of us really get e-mails from friends. Its much easier to have girlfriends over for coffee and to gossip.

i only do it if dh asks me to. he could easily read mine, but i don't think he can be bothered!

Totally normal in our house. I have access to DH's email, facebook and myspace account and regularly check them for him.

He also has access to my emails (I don't have facebook/myspace as really don;t get the point!) We don't go out of our way to read everything the other person does but equally we don't ban each other from looking.

Neither of us can really see what the whole obsession with privacy in a marriage is. If either of us has anything private or sensitive we want to discuss with friends we normally do it in person or on the phone as email can be such an impersonal way of communicating.

The onlu other time we keep emails private is online shopping for each other at birthday or Christmas and we generally use our work email addresses for that.

solidgoldskullonastick - do you really see being open in this way as sad and codependant.

I personally find needing totally privacy and secracy a little strange but each to their own I guess.

itchybird- totally agree!

I use my email a bit like a problem page- I off load to my girlfriends on all kinds of stuff and they to me. There is no way it is for anyone's eye but mine.

If anyone read my emails, it would at times be like someone eavesdropping on a private conversation with my friends.

Maybe other people just don't have those sort of email conversations?

I can only imagine that sharing emails is for people with no close girlfriends??

No.

If DH has emails sent to home then they come up on my email address so yes, I see them and can read them. DH knows that and neither of us have an issue. There is no lack of trust issues. DH doesn't have his own home email address. He does have one at work which obviously I don't get to see. I would have no problem with DH seeing my emails - but that is less likely as he rarely uses the computer and wouldn't think to check them.

maybe it is also to do with how many email accounts you have?

I have 3 - 2 personal and one for work, as I work from home.

DH has his at work, and then he has a personal email account at home.

I see DH's emails, mainly when he knows something is due to be coming so he asks me to check etc. if I didn't nothing would ever get done.

Snail mail - I open all the bills and money stuff(joy), but anything unknown (rare) I leave for him

My DH looks through mine occasionally to see what I'm up to

I assume he doesn't salivate over the more gory ones to close friends but he might do

Mostly he discovers how dull my life is

We do have each others passwords and no we certainly do not have matching anoraks and Yes, I do have close girlfriends!!
The ones that are answering that they share seem well balanced and non judgemental.
Do what you want! If your happy with 100o/o privacy then go with it if you want to share so be it it's your life and your relationship.

Agree number of email accts prob has something to do with it - would be a bit if I saw dh looking thru my work address, but we also have hotmail/yahoo accounts and both check each others' as and when need arises as e.g. avis car rental confirms go to his acct, flight confirms for bmi come to mine, as do amazon orders and gig tickets etc... I don't see that makes us matching anorak types!

We check each others if the other's being a lazy arse on the sofa. But like others have said, it's not as if I or DH settle down to have a good read of emails from the others friends/relatives. If I've got an email from my sister DH just lets me know and moves on to the one promising a million pounds and a huge knob.

I think, as I said, that it's up to individuals to sort themselves out WRT privacy in relationships. But I do think couples who have 'no secrets' and make a big deal of it are pretty tragic. People who finish each others' sentences, and say things like, oh we don't like curry, do we darling? Eww. I mean, each to their own and all that but Eww.

We both know each others passwords for everything, but don't think he's ever looked at my e-mails. Wouldn't have a problem with it if he did though.

Same thing applies to his e-mails.