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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trombone is ruining my sex life

43 replies

trumpettroubles · 25/10/2008 20:42

Ok this might be a bit long, not sure where to start! My husband has played trumpet for over 30 years, recently though he has also purchased a trombone. Our computer room also doubles as a music room with music stand and instruments. So the trombone is next to the pc chair. Last week I came in and he was watching porn - nothing new there! However in his left hand he was stroking part of the trombone. He is obsessed with the trombone, he is always locked away polishing it for hours.

Now this has coincided with some other things - I have stilletos with gold heels, he likes me to keep them on in bed and often touches them in bed, I thought it was just because of how they made my legs look but am worried now he is more attracted to gold coloured metal than me?

What signs should I be watching for? I feel this is my fault in some way, I used to go to the sun beds alot but stopped a few years ago due to health concerns, could it be he only ever fancied me because of my colour?

OP posts:
scaryfucker · 25/10/2008 20:43

salted or sweet ?

nickytwoooohtimes · 25/10/2008 20:44

Whatever you do, don't let him rub you down with Brasso.

TequilaMockinBird · 25/10/2008 20:44

...

scaryfucker · 25/10/2008 20:44

pmsl

fangdom · 25/10/2008 20:44

Butterkist please....

poshbloodencrustedwellies · 25/10/2008 20:45

salted for me scary

solidgoldskullonastick · 25/10/2008 20:45

I'm sure someone will be along with the sheet music for a duet@ Trombone and pink oboe.

MaDAMNEDAnt · 25/10/2008 20:45

It doesn't sound good tbh.

May I ask what colour is you hair? Is it unnaturally blonde? Could it be described as brassy?

CharCharBaGOOOOOOORE · 25/10/2008 20:46

lolol

scaryfucker · 25/10/2008 20:46

poor effort

< holds score card up >

2 out of 10

feelingbitbetter · 25/10/2008 20:46

What?

childrenofthecornsilk · 25/10/2008 20:46

Perhaps you could try st tropez?

gemmiegoatlegs · 25/10/2008 20:46

how about doing the musicman dance abnd seeing how he responds? oompa oompa oompa-pa

twinsetofcocks · 25/10/2008 20:46

Does it affect the way he gives oral.

squatchette · 25/10/2008 20:47

This is the sort of trolling we need more of.Ver Good .

Saturn74 · 25/10/2008 20:48

Does he get a tromboner when aroused?

fangdom · 25/10/2008 20:48

Bet he likes a good blow tho...

MaDAMNEDAnt · 25/10/2008 20:48

On the bright side, I imagine his embouchure and fingering may be worth sticking around for.

trumpettroubles · 25/10/2008 20:48

His exwife used to have a clit ring, she took it out when she gave birth and they split up shortly after due to sex problems... it really doesn't look good does it. I want to please my man.

OP posts:
sherby · 25/10/2008 20:48

ask him if he wants you to blow him

HideousHauntedHalloweenHassled · 25/10/2008 20:49

I think you need to fight against this and learn the viola pronto. I'm sure there's a kindly MNer somewhere who could teach you.

Strings not brass - fight your corner. You know it makes sense.

solidgoldskullonastick · 25/10/2008 20:49

Actually, people who play any of the brass instruments are supposed to be fabulous at fanjo-licking - all that tongue action and breath control.

feelingbitbetter · 25/10/2008 20:49

Should have a very strongue tongue and lips! I'd not worry but book myself in for some more sunbeds - or perhaps full gold body paint like those living statues in town!

honestfriend · 25/10/2008 20:49

Is this for REAL???

ROFL.

missjennipenni · 25/10/2008 20:49

paint your fanjo gold

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