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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your Mum did this would it mean she didn’t care about your or your family?

54 replies

Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:02

If you and your family were featured in a magazine article, what would it mean if your Mum forgot to buy a copy even though you asked her to look out for it in the shops?

It was just a story about our lives with a few photos of me, DH and our DC. She doesn?t seem sorry at all, so am I unreasonable to expect her to be interested?

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 23/10/2008 20:04

People forget stuff sometimes. Can you not get a copy from the magazine publishers?

thisisyesterday · 23/10/2008 20:04

i don't think it means she doesn't care about you, just that she forgot to get it!

liahgen · 23/10/2008 20:04

nah, my family frequently disappoint me in this way.

You have to grow a thick skin i'm afraid.

Lets have a look then. Can you do a link?

luckylady74 · 23/10/2008 20:06

I'd be a bit peeved to put it mildly and I'd wonder if there was an underlying reason - like maybe she wasn't pleased I was in a magazine or she was jealous or disapproved of ther details we'd put in or ...?

TheArmadillo · 23/10/2008 20:06

no it wouldn't.

Not as a one off incident.

If she knew the details fo the article already, maybe she just wasn't that interested in actually seeing it. Doesn't mean she doesn't love or care for you or your family, just that she isn't interested in magazines (who give a brief 2D version of people she knows better than that).

However I suspect this may be part of something bigger.

Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:07

No. They have a new magazine out every couple of weeks and we were just a regular feature they run.

I'd like to see the article but what bothers me more that she wasn't interested to see it herself. How often does a magazine do a feature on one of your children?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 23/10/2008 20:08

if you wanted to see it then why didn't you buy it yourself?

Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:10

It is something bigger. Its a good example of her general behaviour towards me.

No link i am afraid, the magazine doesn't seem to have a website. it was just one of the british women's weeklys (or fortnightlys or something!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:10

I don't live in Britain and its a british magazine. It was about life abroad.

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 23/10/2008 20:11

she doesn't really need to read it in a magazine, does she?
i mean, she's your mum

of course it doesn't mean she doesn't care

maybe they just didn't have it

Skramble · 23/10/2008 20:13

I forget all sorts of things, I am very bad for it, some people just don't get that I really do have a problem with it. My kids have missed parties etc because of my lack of memory. I would probably forget something like that and then be heartbroken that I missed it if my children were in it.

TheArmadillo · 23/10/2008 20:17

Thing is if someone who you have a healthy relationship with and are secure in your feelings did this it would be a minor thing for most, because it would be a one off - not something linked to how they feel about you. Their behaviour in other ways would show you this is not the case. It would be something you could disregard.

If that is not the situation it becomes a bigger thing because it is an example of how their behaviour in general towards you, not a one off.

That's probably not a very good explanation. But it all depends on the relationship you have.

Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:18

I asked her by email today if she'd got it. This was her whole reply. "No. sorry I forgot to get it. "
I suppose she said sorry.

OP posts:
Ellbell · 23/10/2008 20:29

I think it's just that different people react to things like this in different ways.

If it was my mum, she'd rush round buying up all the copies in all the newsagents in the surrounding area and then would send half of them to everyone she knows and/or who might possibly know me (e.g. went to school with me 30 years ago) and would keep the rest in a special file with 'Ellbell in the Magazine' on the cover and take them out and look at them on a weekly basis.

Which is nice an' all, but some people might find a tad excessive!

If it was my MIL (who is lovely and whom I love dealy), she'd say 'Ooh are you in a magazine? That's nice dear' and would move on to something else...

Which might seem as if she's not that bothered.

It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you; it means that she doesn't care that much about the magazine.

(Sorry you felt hurt by it though...)

Ellbell · 23/10/2008 20:30

(dearly)

LoveBeingAMummy · 23/10/2008 20:42

I'm sure that magazine have back copies just like newspapers - why not just order a couple and send her one with a nice note!

childrenofthecornsilk · 23/10/2008 20:44

Maybe she expected you to have a copy she could read.

2rebecca · 23/10/2008 20:44

If there's anything about my kids I buy copies and send them to family, brother does the same.
I think they're generally of more interest to the people featured in the article than the rest of the family though, for instance I know my brother and SIL's domestic arrangements and what they look like, reading about them in the features article of the press doesn't tell me anything new and I'm not going to take a copy to work as that would look very naff and hearing about other people's families achievements as in those awful boasting round robins is pretty dire. I'm pleased for them they're in the press but it's their big thing not mine.

Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:44

Armadillo guessed right that it is part of something bigger. Its not a one off but instead I thought it was a good example of her general attitude about me.

Sorry: I guess by asking the question the way i did, I was really looking to see if everyone thought the same as me, and its obvious that almost all of you don't. That's fine though because I wanted the truth more than I wanted to be vindicated about how I think she treats me.

I've spent years being told that i am imagining it (by my siblings) and maybe at last i have to start thinking that it really is just my imagination.

OP posts:
chilledmama · 23/10/2008 20:49

sadly...it sounds like you half expected it...my mother frequently disappoints me thefore I no longer ask her to do anything which is important to me

skidoodle · 23/10/2008 20:49

I think your reaction to this is more than a little hysterical.

It is totally unreasonable to expect other people to be interested in things just because you want them to be.

It must be exhausting to have a daughter who gets so apocalyptic about something so insignificant.

TheArmadillo · 23/10/2008 20:49

The thing is no one can say - yes it is all in your head, or no, there is a problem with one incident.

Maybe if you gave us more examples.

In all honesty if you are this upset about it, there probably is more there and you are not just imagining it.

chilledmama · 23/10/2008 20:50

did you manage to get a copy????????

Original poster
Emma789 · 23/10/2008 20:51

Skidoodle - it could be exhausting , but only if she knew about it. You know, but she doesn't.

OP posts:
howdoo · 23/10/2008 20:52

TBH, if it was me, I would be hurt, but then I don't have a great relationship with my mother either! Maybe you take things badly as they are symptomatic of her lack of interest. Does she treat your siblings differently to the way she treats you? Perhaps that is why they think you are imagining it?
If one of my DCs (when they grow up) were in a magazine, I would be really excited to get it and look at the pictures etc. So yes, I think it's a bit crap that she didn't bother esp. as you had reminded her.