He throws a strop if I go to bed at 10pm after I've fed and settled the baby

[jaijay]

LO is 4 months old and I look after her 24/7 and have done since day 1, she wakes 3 times a night for feeding. He snores away in the spare room getting an uninterrupted night's sleep but usually moans how knackered he is because I'm not looking after him. A few times he's started arguments going on about "what about my needs?" shouting and waking LO and stopping me from getting any shuteye. He says that he's looked it up on the internet and if things aren't back to normal within 2 months then there's something wrong!

Well, even if I wasn't so knackered a lot of the time, I hardly feel like jumping on him when he makes out that I'm abnormal! He's away for work for almost half the time and I'm so much more relaxed and life is definitely easier without him - no crisps and crumbs on the floor, crisp packets around (yes, around) the bin, dirty glasses and cups left about, dirty socks scrunched up on the floor... slob qualities aren't really a turn on for me.

Yes there have been plenty of words, apologies and promises but bull is his middle name.

Unrestrained thoughts please?

Swap with him for a week then jump on him at 10pm clanging pans and asking why he is so tired.

He sounds a knobhead.

2 months

he sounds like a twat!
what was he like before you had the baby?

I can't even be bothered to craft a reasoned and fair reply.

He is a tosspot.

You are a doormat.

Nuff said.

And I have a funny feeling that you will get lots of good advice and take absolutely none of it.

By 'his needs' I am guessing he means he wants sex. Tell him you have had a look on the internet and the men who get sex when they have a newborn are the men who do their fair share of the housework - and men who do no housework and expect to be serviced by their wives don't get much sex, if any - and what they do get is resentful and not much fun.

leave him

next question

This is classic controlling behaviour and highly suggestive of an abusive relationship. There is a chance that your man is just have trouble adjusting to becoming a dad and is airing his fears in a less than constructive way but is basically a decent bloke. I say this because I don't know either of you. However, I doubt it. As someone who has experienced DV and spent a lot of time learning about the patterns of it, this rings loads of warning bells in my head. Don't be fooled by thinking 'but he's never hit me'. Violence is at the extreme end of the spectrum. Abuse starts with disrespect and preventing you from sleeping when you have a 4-month-old baby because he wants his needs met is selfish and disrespectful. The comment about the internet is another classic sign - defer to outside authority so that you feel you're in the wrong and it's all your fault. Not sharing domestic chores and actually creating more work for you is another. Most worrying of all is the fact that he's prepared to shout at you in from of your LO. I could be wrong about all this, of course, but please try to find out more about abusive relationships and see if you recognise anything. If there's anything I can help with about it, just message me.

Tonight's my first time posting on mumsnet. I just reread my post and realised how blunt and negative it is. Sorry. I stand by everything I wrote but didn't mean to sound as though I was lecturing you.

OptimistS, it was fine

if the OP is real, some straight talking is what is needed

welcome to MN

actually Optimist I thought it was fine

see ?

told ya

Welcome Optimists

OP's dh is a tosspot. Tell him you're ready and willing for sex when he's ready and willing to gt up with dd at 3 in the morning.

OP ?

wherefore art thou ?

id say " shut the fuck up you moaning litle cuntwhacker, how old are you? 6? stupid fucking knob jockey - your needs? your fucking needs? i'll tell you my^ needs you self centred little pussy chump. MY needs are for someone who considers others than himself. in fact i'm so sick of you being a jealous little fucker over your baby that i wouldn't mind if you just fucked off....whats that? you aren't going anywhere? well shut the fuck up then, pick your shit up, change the nappies, bath the baby and pull your fucking weight you miserable fucking excuse for a brick of shit"

Lol at anyfucker!
Harsh but fair!!!

< ducks >

PMSL at Custardo. Learnt some new words tonight. cuntwhacker is official new insult for DH.

Hey thanks for all your comments; I know you lot wouldn't hold back

I've dumped him a number of times and each time he's managed to grovel his way back in. In recent months I just haven't the energy and my head's been quite mashed with the birth and looking after a newborn so it's good to hear that I'm not overreacting.

pgwithnumber3 - I'd love him to experience my life, but I couldn't inflict it on LO

OptimistS - thanks, that's constructive. Actually, something similar has been said to me before.

custardo - I need you here!!!

what a knob- the spare room thing alone is a dumping offense...

I think Custardo should train as a relate therapist. I agree with every word she says.

There is a normal after kids???

I would like some please!

custardo - that is a magnificent piece of prose. Should be Quote of the Week . It should also be in the Bounty Pack so every woman has it readily available when their partner's a knob.