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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My DH says he will leave unless I 'get rid' of bump # 3

102 replies

sydneyhousewife · 12/10/2008 11:17

what a mess! I've recently moved back to Australia after 11years in the UK with DS (4) & DD (2). My English DH was supposed to follow in a few months, though still had not committed 100%. Since arriving in Oz I've discovered I'm unexpectedly pregnant at 40, about 7 weeks now. I was hoping for some support from DH, instead he is adament he does not want this child & in fact will leave us if I continue with this pregnancy. Am I mad to think I can do this on my own??? All my family are here but my parents are worried about the workload. I don't know what to do...............

OP posts:
arfishy · 15/10/2008 10:14

How are things Sydney?

Elasticwoman · 15/10/2008 10:49

Jaijay's brave post only goes to confirm my belief that a "woman's right to choose" very often reflects the choice of people around her and their rejection or lack of support for the baby.

Original poster
sydneyhousewife · 15/10/2008 11:16

Have never had a termination before Jaijay, & don't think I'm brave enough to have one now (I have my 1st antenatal appt on Monday, & have even been perusing the baby name boards, so think I know which way things are going!). We're doing fine thanks Arfishy though I wish I could sleep & not lie there thinking, thinking all night! Haven't told DH yet that I won't be doing what he wants, not looking forward to that conversation (yes, I am complete wuss). The kids & I move to our new house tomorrow (so should change my name to huntervalleyhousewife!), can't wait to unpack our bags at last! Can't wait for that drink ninedragons, just a v v small one obviously

OP posts:
Wigglesworth · 15/10/2008 17:11

What the hell! This is an evil situation he is putting you in and he has created this life too, he clearly doesn't understand what an awful emotional and physical trauma it is to have a termination. Why has he not moved with you? I don't know him but he sounds pretty insensitive to just expect you to get rid while he is fannying about on the other side of the world deciding whether or not he can be arsed to join his family.
If he is using his presence to blackmail you into going through with this do you really want him around. I think you need to ask yourself whether or not YOU want this baby and weigh everything up. For a father to even consider abandoning his wife and kids like this is appalling. I feel for you I really do, remember that you should do what is right for yourself and your children.

Original poster
sydneyhousewife · 30/10/2008 04:26

Just a brief update on the sorry saga that is my life at the moment... my sister, previously straight & the most positve & supportive person about the pregnancy & me being able to do it alone with 3 kids in Oz, has just embarked on an affair with a married woman & asked us to move out of her house as she 'needs space' (yes i am bitter but hope to get over it). We were there less than a week, fortunately my cousin asked all us to move in with her into her little 2 BR house. I had my scan the day we moved & sadly the baby has died; just back from hospital from D&C surrounded by boxes to unpack. I'm scared what can will wrong next. I'm thankful I have 2 healthy children but v sad about my little baby. Hope things get better.. (PS DH still in UK, has not changed plans!)

OP posts:
arfishy · 30/10/2008 04:33

Oh my gosh Sydney I am so sorry. You poor thing. What a truly awful time you are having.

And your sister throwing you out? I am .

Is DH still not going to come over despite everything?

ratherbesleeping · 30/10/2008 04:37

Oh Lord, I'm not one for virtual hugs as a rule, but sending one to you. So sorry for your sad loss and lack of support.

mumoverseas · 30/10/2008 04:46

oh Sydney, I'm so very sorry for your loss. You are having a terrible time at the moment and I'm so sorry you don't have a supportive husband (or sister for that matter). I hope that you have other supportive people around you and of course, like you say, you do have your two lovely children already. Of course you will mourn your baby (I've lost a baby at 9 weeks so can understand how you feel) but take comfort from your children and cherish them. Then, consider what you want to do about your not so DH. Take care x

Buda · 30/10/2008 05:55

God - you poor thing. What a time you have had.

Do you think your DH was just looking for an excuse not to move to Oz?

Your sis sounds in a bit of a mess too.

Am very sad for you at the loss of your baby. Keep posting here - there is lots of support.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/10/2008 07:36

I've just read this whole thread, I am so sorry Sydney, that's just a terrible thing to happen. What a very sad situation for you. I too am sending virtual hugs (mumsnet seems to frown on that sort of thing, but really in times like this it seems the least one can do) and wish we could do more. I too am in Australia but too far away to be any real use.

Gosh am so so sorry. For all of it.

OrmIrian · 30/10/2008 07:51

Oh Sidney .So sorry. About all of it.

warthog · 30/10/2008 08:13

i'm really sorry this has happened. i hope there is someone in rl around to give you a big hug. here's one from me anyway {{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

tribpot · 30/10/2008 08:16

So sorry sydney

oiwhatsoccurring · 30/10/2008 08:19

So so sorry sydney,

Popple · 30/10/2008 09:03

So sorry to hear your sad news Sydney. How horrible for you to cope with the loss of your baby without the support of your h or sister.
Take your time to think about whether you really want/need your h with you. You don't need to decide now. Do you need to rush to get a job or are things OK for now?

blinks · 30/10/2008 09:33

hope things improve soon...x

Majeika · 01/11/2008 23:43

you ok?

Just read this and am

nicolamumof3 · 02/11/2008 12:08

Sydney, i saw your original thread and wanted to catch up, im so sorry to hear about your loss. hugest hugs xx

TheArmadillo · 02/11/2008 12:18

I am so sorry for your loss xxx

LIZS · 02/11/2008 12:23

so sorry sydney, what a horrible time for you. I guess this will give your dh the opportunity to prove himself, either way. Good luck

ToughDaddy · 02/11/2008 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToughDaddy · 02/11/2008 14:29

Oops. So sorry- I didn't read the thread properly!!!! Many many apologies and best wishes

SOLOtsofBangers · 03/11/2008 11:04

I'm sorry for your loss Sydney.
Sorry your luck seems so poor at the moment. I'm sure it will get better soon.
Shocked that your sister could even think about asking you to leave over another woman. Good that you have another bolthole for the time being though.
I hope that you can see straight soon. Kind

Original poster
sydneyhousewife · 04/11/2008 06:01

Thanks so much everyone for your support. Feel a bit better everyday but still can't believe how crap things have been lately. My saving grace has been having 2 healthy kids who seem happy here. I have finally found some childcare, just 1 day a week to start as I don't think I can cope with any more just yet! Hope to start work part time next month. I went back to the hospital today & got a picture from the scan so at least I have something of my little baby. Unfortunately just seem to row with DH when we speak as still no committment from him to coming out but he doesn't want us to come back to the UK either, which is really sad. I think deep down I know what I have to do but am just to scared at the moment. Thanks again though for all your messages, I'm going to stop moaning now...

OP posts:
lilysmummy2007 · 04/11/2008 06:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn