SO HAPPY ARE YOU?

[themildmannneredjanitor]

Shallow i know but have just been watching sex and the city and the question was asked' is being happy neccessary in a relationship'?

samantha was unhappy and thought it was normal and charlotte said that she was happy every day. perhaps not all day but at least once a day.

and i t got me thinking. i don't know how happy i am at the moment.or rather i think i am not especially happy.

and i know that i need to do something to change that.but what?

i feel like i am looking for moments of happiness to grasp-and that's not good is it?

So what is 'normal?'

how happy are you?

I am generally happy or more accurately content with my life. I have moments of happiness and moments of frustration most days, in all it balances out as more happy than sad so I am content.

Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey .......

Not Yoda but Carrie asking her laptop questions whilst sitting on her bed in a pair of boxers and a vest

I'm generally happy, I think

Satisfied at work. Think I've got a good work/home balance

Get on well with DP. We love each other and still have a laugh

DDs are great

Good group of friends

Money and space could be better. Stresses me out a bit (ie how we're going to cope financially etc) but doesn't make me unhappy

These are the factors I consider when thinking of happiness, and what's making me content in life

I'm happy in my relationship, absolutely.
Not happy with work/life balance though

Once that's sorted I feel I will be happier. I am happy about a lot of things though, I have plenty of reasons to be cheerful.

this is the thing lapin-i also do not not have to deal with many many of the things that some people on here have to deal with. i have a warm comfortable home, a supportive husband, two beautiful and healthy children, good friends,i'm training for a job i enjoy, i am very optimisitc and cheerful as a rule.

i should be very happy.

I think people forget how to be happy.
I was in a 'busy doing stuff' life before DS2 crashed.
Having something make me really truly deeply unhappy every waking moment for about a year has kind of re-booted me.
I am now happy nearly every day and when I am not I notice the absence.
DH and i also survived that and we are now extremely kind to each other - something that I think many people just forget to do.
I listen to other people talk abouttheir partners and just think - dear god this is the person that you are supposed to love - how can you speak to them or of them like that?

I think looking for moments of happiness isn't a bad thing. I think we have to choose it - and I do know that that is a cliche.

FWIW I also think people have a default setting one way or another. I know my sister will never be happy no matter what because she is suspicious of it and has a kind of rating. She also equate wealth with happiness which is bollocks and makes her spend her life doing negative comparisons with others.

I'm mostly happy but then I exist in a permanent state of denial - I don't like to think about Bad Things, so I don't. Yes, I have days of feeling very sad - I miss my parents, etc - but on the whole I know my life is pretty damn good at the moment. And "counting my blessings" sessions usually sort me out. Carmenere has it exactly - if you are happy more often than you are sad, then overall you are happy.

I'm pretty happy, I do try and stop for a moment at least once a day and smell the roses. I know it sounds a bit poncey, but I've been accused of being very bleak at times and I'm really trying to see the positives in everything. Even small things can make you happy if you decide to allow yourself to be happy, sometimes I get ridiculously happy when at tube arrives the second I get to the platform, with a door right in front of me, and a seat right by the door. I heard someone call that tubilation But the key is you have to allow yourself to feel happy about the silliest things sometimes.

I get very stressed about money (we have none. And are never likely to have any )
I also suffer from SAD.
And Depression also runs in my family like letters through a stick of rock.
So I'm quite proud of the fact that I am happy. And if I find myself not feeling happy, I have learned how to change the way I am thinking and feel happier very quickly. Mind you, it has taken me 38 years to learn my tricks.

Happiness and otherwise is often not about reasons to be cheerful though. It can be more a state of mind and how you feel about everyday things. (Though of course some situations do make people unhappy and I'm not discounting that...)

I do feel happy btw... though I have some things that make me sad (family things, anxiety, would like another baby, etc), I actually feel happy most of the time. A lot of very little things make me happy, like bubble baths and sewing fabric.

It's funny because I really, really suffer with anxiety, have even had treatment for it. So you would think that with constant worrying I'd be miserable, but I'm not.

i think part of the reason i am not feeling that happy is that we seem to not be 'connecting' almost.

i love him dearly and we CAN have great fun together. but we are not at the moment.

there always seems to be something more important-for him work mostly and for me-the kids mostly.

i can't remember the last time we went out together alone.

'i am very optimisitc and cheerful as a rule.'

Has anything happened recently to throw you?

x post.

You need to spend time together alone. Have you got anyone who can take the dcs? If you have, can you ask your dp to set aside a weekend when he's not workign?

I don't think happiness is necessarily about feeling giddy and excited and thrilled with life. It's about overall feeling you have a life that leaves you feeling... well.. happy, for want of a better word.

It's easier if you look at it in the context of being unhappy. You might think you're not happy but would you consider yourself unhappy?

I think I am happy. I have a good life, a wonderful DP, a wedding and (hopefully) children soon, a good career etc. Doesn't mean I don't have bad days or that I don't wish some things were different (my boss for example!) but... mostly, I just think I love my life and none of the things I don't like are important enough to give up all the things that make me happy.

TMMJ
the other thing is for you to not wait for a connection but to take control of how you wish to act.

When I was very depressed DH would phone me during the day to say hi and would do little things that just reminded me he was thinking of me. I was so grateful for that even though I couldn't really respond.
I now try and make sure i do stuff too - not big demonstrations but just texting him or buying something nice for dinner and having an hour chatting instead of watching tv or buying him a book i think he'll like - anything really.

I should add that my choosing something nice for supper and cooking is very unusual as he mostly does that - before I raise anyones temperature

Totally happy with marriage, usually happy with relationship with ds.

Totally miserable and depressed at work, hence regular retreats into MN

applauds Fio!

i think my mother, now married for 44 years, summed it up beautifully: you know what the real problem is nowadays? you people think too goddamned much for your own good.

i know what you mean pagwatch.
last week i was trying desperately for us to have an evening together where we sat down and had a meal-at the same time! which sounds so small but it just didn't happen. he was working away 3 days, then came home late another day and then on friday chose to go for a drink with his friends instead of coming home.

he has been so grumpy this weekend that a few times i have got to the point of saying 'right -if you can't speak civilly don't talk to me' because he keeps nsapping. he's got a sore back which isn't helping but i am feel i am making all the effort for zero return.

I am happy. I have a very busy and pressurised job, long days, a huge mortgage etc. However, on the flip side, I have a husband who adores me (and I adore him) and a little girl who gets so darned excited to see me and strokes my face with such wonder and joy that I can't possibly imagine being happier.

Is there no way you can book a weekend or even just a day away, just the two of you? Sounds like you need a bit of time to just talk without pressures of work & kids.

Fio, there is that.

Also expectations that you should always be happy really don't help. But if there's nothing seriously wrong in your life then you should be feeling happy at least once a day, no? (I say this as a terminally miserable person with no excuse for it)