SO HAPPY ARE YOU?

[themildmannneredjanitor]

Shallow i know but have just been watching sex and the city and the question was asked' is being happy neccessary in a relationship'?

samantha was unhappy and thought it was normal and charlotte said that she was happy every day. perhaps not all day but at least once a day.

and i t got me thinking. i don't know how happy i am at the moment.or rather i think i am not especially happy.

and i know that i need to do something to change that.but what?

i feel like i am looking for moments of happiness to grasp-and that's not good is it?

So what is 'normal?'

how happy are you?

oh TMMJ
that is shite.
Tell him. Don't put up with it and feel sad.
But do a carrot and a stick thing. Book meal out , book babysitter but tell him you have booked it so that you get a chance to be nice to each other - for a change.
You have to talk about it when it gets like that.
It is crap isn't it.

i think i will have to organise something because it's doing my head in.

butpart of me think s'why isn't HE organising this?'

thanks fio

IMO, Happiness is an overall summary of satisfaction.
I don't think you can be happy unless you feel satisfied, so if you expect or wish for more, even though not necessarily unhappy, not happy either.
I'm happy overall.

MMJ, sounds as if your DP is overworked and stressed. YOu have every right to expect him to at least be polite - and even spend some time talking to you, especially as you're not happy.

Stern words when he gets home.

God, does any man know how to book a babysitter? Don't be daft.

Maybe even just a nice walk would help, pref. via a pub for lunch

i agree Fio.

MMJ, I could wait til hell froze before my DH organised anything like that And he is far above average in many other ways.

Where are you, MMJ? Can we send the MN mobile creche round to yours for a day?

I know that ideally he should book it but you are unhappy(ish [grin) so don't get into a 'who should do it' thing - just do it.

If you add resentment on top of discontent then you start to get problems.
But do talk to him about how you feel.
We can all get blinkered. He might just be too preoccupied with feeling crap and one of you needs to take the first step.

it's not that he's not polite-but defensive .
everything is an issue.

for eg we were at the supermarket-i asked him to get a couple of courgettes while i got ..whatever. he said 'they didn't have any so i got some leeks'

i cracked a joke about how leeks were a good substitiute for courgettes but no-i was being a cow obviously because he got on the defensive straight away.

oh-i am rambling now and feeling full of self pity which wasn't my intention but i just am so fed up.

Maybe TMMJ he isn't organising it because he feels happy. He might think everything is fine.
What's bothering you is your perception of the relationship, your feelings, he may view it completely differently. So you need to tell him.

FWIW, DP sometimes thinks I'm being a daft prat when something means so much to me (like the dinner you wanted to have) and I have to really spell it out to him, sometimes I get so worked up I'm in tears before he realises just how much it means to me. Not because he doesn't care, but just because it doesn't mean that much to him iyswim.

TMMJ, you should definitely talk to him about some time together - clearly you're both feeling oversensitive. Often just being honest about you're feeling makes all the difference. Me and Dp have similar experiences to VS - he just has no idea (or sometimes I don't) how important some things are.

Although having said that, my dp would respond similarly to the leeks/courgette moment, "well, if you didn't want me to make a decision, why did you send me off to buy them" when it's soooo clear to me that the courgettes are for a specific meal that only courgettes will do.

VS, yes, I always forget there are some things that I need to spell out to DP in words of one syllable (recently: 'No I really don't want you to go shopping for a ladder on Saturday morning because I have had the dcs all week and want just half an hour in bed without anyone wanting anything') You get my drift.

So (yet again) it's our job to make sure DPs know if something's wrong.

but t was a joke and at one time he'd have joked back about them both being greenor something but now...

i'm going to have to talk to him but i judt don't know how.

Is he home tonight?

yes

I am happy with my life in general but esp dp and ds

Oh, I know it was a joke, and you know it was a joke, but if he's feeling a bit sensitive about things (like you are) he probably didn't see it as a joke.

DP and I go through this too - things are a bit tense, I try to make a joke, it falls flat, I get irritated and snap at him and then eventually it turns out that he's stressed about work and was frustrated because I hadn't remembered he had two important meetings that week....

he popped home for lunch and i ended up telling him to go back to work because he got cross when i asked him to look at me when i was speaking to him rather than watch tv[which incidentally was the title credits not football or anything]

I have to go and collect dcs, but if I think of a way for you and yr DP to have a week's holiday in luxury beach resort without dcs during that time I will let you know