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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't read if squeemish...TMI

118 replies

TooGross · 10/09/2008 10:20

Hi. I have name changed for this, for reasons which will become obvious!
I have been seeing a man for a while now, but he has a 'bedroom habit' which I find really REALLY weird and just wondered if I am just out of touch or am I right in thinking this is really bizarre.
Ok...(deep breath)......when we've had sex, he lifts the covers, points down to his 'manhood' and says 'clean me up then'! I asked him what he meant the first time he said it and he said that unless I (so sorry for the graphic description) sucked and licked it clean he would get sore!!!! When I refuse he gets really affronted, like I'm rejecting him sexually, when there's nothing sexual about it. he's already 'shot his load', sex is finished and in my opinion he's just too lazy to get up and wash it, so expects me to give him a bed bath with my mouth!!! I mean, it's cold, congealed...his AND mine IYSWIM.
Is this really odd? I sure as hell think so.

OP posts:
squeaver · 10/09/2008 14:29

So, so strange - and I thought I was broad-minded too.

OP - can I ask, after you've "cleaned up" does he want to kiss you? Don't you want to go and brush your teeth? Also why is it that you cleaning him up is better/more hygienic than say a tissue or a baby wipe??

I have a horrible feeling that this thread is going to stay with me for a looong time.

solidgoldbrass · 10/09/2008 14:45

FOund it before you actually Expat

everlong · 10/09/2008 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 10/09/2008 16:24

Disturbed man.
You are well rid of him

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/09/2008 19:14

Staple him into a condom.

AnnasBananas · 10/09/2008 19:49

I mean, do you really have to ask?? Vile shit.

zwiggy · 10/09/2008 19:54

chuck him a baby wipe and say 'go on with you, you've had your fun, now clean yourself up and clear off you dirty little pervert'

Original poster
TooGross · 11/09/2008 09:48

LOL....your posts really made me laugh and cheered me up no end!!! To try and answer some...let me make it clear that I only complied with this on a couple of (very early) occassions...and straight after I would be off to the bathroom to clean my teeth so no idea whether he would kiss or not.
I didn't really need to ask, it's just that he reacted in such a way when I refused that made me think maybe I had been out of the dating game too long and tastes had changed (excuse the pun). But I'm approaching 40, and NO man has ever asked me to do this before so i knew it wasn't 'normal'.
Whoever asked 'does he have legs'...lol..yes he does!

OP posts:
ButIForgetMyself · 11/09/2008 11:47

No no no no no no no.

At best he's a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to clean himself up.

At worst he's a woman-hating, perverted control freak. What will he have you doing next?

Dirty, dirty pig.

Charlee · 11/09/2008 11:51

OMG seriously that is vile, i would have got up and walked out the room...... what a grubby man.

iheartginashoes · 11/09/2008 17:00

Bleurgh

Alexa808 · 11/09/2008 17:03

i'm glad i'm as jaded as i thought i was...
the world is full of pervs...and you seem to have your own little one...awww...

He sounds sick, depraved and seems to enjoy his dominance over you. What he is demanding is inhuman and he's trying to trample on your dignity. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually turns out to hate women and enjoys fucking with their heads.

Just walk away and never look back or you might live to regret it.

sugarpear · 11/09/2008 17:31

I asked dh his take on this last night and he was disgusted!

He said a normal bj was fab but 'clean up' after was nasty. He said its something he would never have even thought of and if it was something i had ever offered he'd have thought i was a dirty minger!! lol

He also asked ' what if he wasnt clean before he started with you? What if he'd had someone earlier in the day?'

Thought of the dating scene again is bloody petrifiying!

Need men to be bar coded with their health records and all their dirty little habits. So women can see what they are getting before they get stuck involved with him

Fllllight · 11/09/2008 17:38

God yes I am so

I don't think I can face another date with a bloke again as long as i live, just in case it is HIM>

Gaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

bleuufhhhh

Goober · 11/09/2008 19:14

Just a thought....... why wasn't he using a condom?

NorthernLurker · 11/09/2008 19:23

aaaaaaaaaargh and ugggggggggggh!!!!

You are getting rid aren't you?

Anifrangapani · 11/09/2008 19:28

Eeeeeeeeewwwww [gagging emoction] [heaving into wine emoction] Yuck yuck yuck. that is even worse than trifle, yoghurt and bananas all put together. I would have been tempted to do a oral bobbit.

fancyflo · 11/09/2008 22:11

oh dear, it sounds as if he wants to treat you like a dog! He doesn't own a dog does he?

solidgoldbrass · 12/09/2008 00:43

Oh steady on, don't let's have an All Men Are Woman-Hating-Bastards fit. No offence to the OP but I bet there were a few other indications of ickyness in this one before you got his pants off. Subtle conversational put downs, perhaps. Odd bits of rudeness. Not having any friends...

susiecutiebananas · 12/09/2008 01:07

absolutely not normal, at all. weird. horrible, degrading, disgusting. Not fair, not on. yuckety yuck yuck yuck.

Not the same as you wanting to give oral to him, and swallow ( or not). its just rude and disrespectful.

please don't answer his call if he should call you again. Certainly big issues there that Freud would be interested in... ( with the bottom wiping! )

Good luck in meeting a nice new "normal' fella next time

susiecutiebananas · 12/09/2008 01:10

As I hit send, a thought popped into mind... you know when a child far too old to still ask, shouts, "muuuuuummmm, can you wipe my bottom please" or, " muuuuuuuummm, I've fiiiiiinished" .... yep, reminded me of that...

MrsTucky · 12/09/2008 02:01

OMG I've got to agree with SusieC and most off the other posts.
But if he's not a sick perv, at the least he's a lazy, dirty, fiendish, disrespecting barstool. Kick him into touch, so to speak. YUCKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
TooGross · 12/09/2008 10:14

Hi
SolidGold...I agree, we shouldn't turn this into a man bashing thread, although to be fair I don't think anyone really is. I know this is way out behaviour and not typical of men, and I also know there are some really really good ones out there. Just not where I live, apparently!!! And yes, there were aspects of his behaviour which were 'odd'...he called his manhood his 'tiggy', which I found quite off putting and told him he had to stop referring to it as that. There were more...the baby wipe/toilet thing was bizarre too, they had to be a certain type too...not too soft, not too wet, not too thin...
As for the question of a condom...I have actually been friends with this man for a fairly long time, and it just gradually grew into a relationship. With hindsight a bit rose tinted on my part but there you go...

OP posts:
piratecat · 12/09/2008 10:22

there is NO way I would have gone back a 2nd time, if a man had 'expected' me to clean him up, ( if it made me feel unconfortable)

It's controlling, degrading and pathetic. I am really [shocked] that if you obviously found it odd, as in the other things he has said/things he does, that you would go back to bed with him again.

Original poster
TooGross · 12/09/2008 10:24

Piratecat...I know with hindsight it seems strange. But in other respects he was, or seemed to be, lovely. I had been out of the dating game for such a long time that I thought maybe it was me, being a prude or something.

OP posts: