My DH has just left us in a new house miles from anyone we know, how can I best support my kids, advice please

[elastamum]

We have just moved 150 miles away from our home of 10 years for my DH's work and I found out 2 weeks ago he was having an affair. He has since left us and says that he is not coming back. I am devastated, our kids started their new school this week and neither the kids or I have any friends in the area. What can I do to help them, they know their Dad is moving out but dont seem to have grasped why, should I just take them back to their old school or do we stay and try to make a new life near to where their dad will be living. Any one got any advice?

I am pretty good at the financial side but I reckon the whole debacle will cost us a fortune

Thank you DD, I reckon some men do this because they think they can. All our friends and DH's parents are devastated, it is just a horrible situation

how awful for you all. I'd aree with everyone else, if you can get school places for your boys, I;dmove back support form your friends will be very important. You will survive if you have to stay where you are but I suspect you will find it easier if you move back.

Just to add, my Dad did something similar to my mum and we were also convinced that he was having a breakdown of some sort. But he wasn't, he as just stressed about how guilty he was feeling and I'm ridiculously cross at him over it because it gulled us into being nicer to him than we would have been had we just thought he was a bastard.

it will but at least if you are confident with number crunching it will help

i am not much use at advising tbh

but just trying to identify where you would need support

maybe emotional mostly?

Yes, I have signed up for counselling today as I thought it would help to talk to someone other than my friends who are all furious or the dogs, who are just dogs! Hopefully this will help me restore my calm. Am trying to be strong for the boys but it isnt always easy

I'm in the High Peak.... you are very welcome to lob round if you need to.

I know the pain you must be feeling xxx

you sound like someone who normally manages well

i think while getting some emotional support treating how to get things back on track..in as far as that is possible...like a work project is probably the way to go

i do wish you well

Thanks, I will be stuck here for a few days as I have someone coming round to rip the front off the kitchen as we are still doing the place up. Cant believe I am still rebuilding the house and probably wont be staying, fortunately a rescue party of my friends are on their way on Friday

I am mostly pretty sane although I am having my howling moments and cracking through the sherry. Just praying the power stays on as it is pissing with rain and if it goes off I have to go outside to re set it. It is really spooky here and very dark, even the dogs dont like going out at night

well it sounds like you have your hands full

good having friends up/down

"the dogs, who are just dogs" Without wanting to be too flippant - don;t underestimate the listening skills of your average dog!

Thanks ZTT and everyone for your messages of support. It helps a lot

Sorry to hijack slightly but Ani "I'm in the High Peak" is that really a place rather than a description?

The dogs are great, when I cry they jump up and start licking my face and they have taken to sleeping on the bed beside me, although tehy do seem to bark a lot at things that go bump in the night as they are townies and not used to the country sounds

Just wanted to add my support.

What an awful situation to be in and to know that your h moved you all knowing what was around the corner.

Maybe ask your dc whether they want to stay or return to your home town?

It is an awful situation without the added stress of just moving to a new area.

Hopefully, when your friends arrive they can help you work out what to do

I would have to say that now is the time that you need support more than ever and I personally think you should move back to where you and you children have people who can give that to you. Also, having done something like that to you and his children, I don't see that staying for your husband has any advantage for you and as he has behaved like that, why should he benefit from it.

Go home & rebuild.

Thanks, am chasing up schools and looking for houses to rent this morning. DH is coming back tomorrow to discuss money then I can make some decisions. Havent asked the DC's as they are only 7 and 9 and dont want to unsettle them in their new school. At least the sun is shining today

i was just wondering how you were today

no need to suggest you keep busy

hard as it may be to keep a front up for the children while you try and sort the mess out it may actually help at the moment

three cheers for sunshine here too

My god - it is extraordinary isn't it!

It sounds like you should move back as soon as you can.

I wouldn't discuss this option with your x though until it is final as he may do all sorts to stop you.

Message withdrawn

uberwanker - am adding it to my vocabulary

It sounds like a good plan to move back home. Just wanted to say that your DH sounds like a complete muppet.