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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

HELP - The past 11 years a complete lie - so confused

28 replies

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 10:08

Just found out that other half isn't the ANGEL he has made me believe he is for 11 years (hurts like hell believe me). Found pay as you go phone hidden in the garage but SIM card was blank (as bought SIM card reader). Anyone have any ideas where he could be hiding another SIM card???? I have turned house upside down and looked in Garage but the size of a SIM card could be hidden ANYWHERE - any ideas as I need to find something before I go insane!! NO good asking me to confront him as he is a born liar and will worm his way out of anything - I know that as had my doubts over the years and he has always managed to talk me round as if I'm imagining it all and put all the blame back on me. I feel I have come so close only to find the SIM card blank. Would like to actually just for once be able to catch him out!! Cheers!

OP posts:

eth37 · 29/08/2008 10:19

How do you know the past 11 years were a complete lie? Maybe it is an old phone? Could you just confront him about the phone and say you are finding it hard to trust him?

SpinMeRightRound · 29/08/2008 10:20

It could just be an old phone...
Do you have any other reasons not to trust him?

beanieb · 29/08/2008 10:22

My OH found my old phone in a hamper in the kitchen the other day and joked 'oooh a secret hidden phone' as he'd read the trhead RE the other woman who had found her husband in the garage with a phone etc...

He was of course taking the piss.

do you have any other reason to suspect him?

PeppermintPatty · 29/08/2008 10:27

Agree with others, are you sure its not an old phone?
My DH has every phone he's ever owned in a box in the loft....

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 10:33

sorry should have said I know its another phone he has been using to only talk (as far as I know as cant see any text messages on it) to another woman. Dont want to say how I know but trust me I have concrete proof he got this phone in order to contact her without any trace!

OP posts:

NinaInCognito · 29/08/2008 11:12

Try his wallet?

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 11:32

I know he has 2 wallets and Ive checked one -so will try the other. Any other places?

OP posts:

beanieb · 29/08/2008 11:54

Shoeboxes under the bed, drawers, under the kitchen sink with the detergents?

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 29/08/2008 11:57

Under the edge of the carpet in your bedroom? Or in his cupboard, in his pants drawer. Or somewhere separate near his phone.

Or he might keep it with him so check his jacket etc when he gets in.

I don't think it will be anywhere you might go -such as with detergents etc.

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 11:59

looked in all shoe boxes - even the shoes, shirts and pockets, under bed, in drawers etc....could it be in his car? Though have turned it upside down but its just trying to think how he would be thinking.

OP posts:

lolliepops · 29/08/2008 12:03

on top of cupboards if he is taller than you, or could he just be keeping it at work?

when he gets in keep an eye on his movments this might give you some clues, what about waiting for him to go to bed then trying the phone again to see if he has had the sim back in it???

Mamazon · 29/08/2008 12:05

I don't get it.

If you have concrete proof already why do you need this sim card prior to confronting him?
why are you going through your house, making yourself more angry if you already know whats been going on?

if you find a card with a number on it then what?

I don't get why you need to find this extra proof.

zippitippitoes · 29/08/2008 12:05

in his wallet woud be the most likely to me

or in a book

his wash bag or suitcase briefcase laptop bag

sweetgrapes · 29/08/2008 12:08

His car, then yes. Glove compartment and under the seats.
Under the mats.

Does he have all the boxes for cameras, mobiles etc? Maybe in them. (Obvious one though, so dunno...)

Is it one 'in use' or 'put away'?

If 'in use' then more likely to be on him.

beanieb · 29/08/2008 12:35

what Mamazon said.

Though have you tried his pockets?

2rebecca · 29/08/2008 12:40

This is silly. If you suspect he's been unfaithful you need to talk about it and discuss where you go from here. It sounds as though you have no respect for this guy and don't trust him anyway so would be better off without him regardless of SIM cards etc.
You're focussing on trivia, not the real issue which is does your relationship have a future or not? A SIM card shouldn't affect the answer to that question.

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 12:42

Unfortunately I cant explain on here just what he is like so although I have concrete proof - I need to see it for my own eyes (if that makes sense?). I have put up with emotional abuse and being controlled by someone who isn't the person I thought he was. So for me this is just a little bit of justice. I've checked old phones, old boxes etc. Checked washbag - found something else in there that I wont go into so know he is up to no good!

OP posts:

Mamazon · 29/08/2008 12:46

he is emotionally abusive and controlling. you know he has cheated..be it physically or emotionally.

leave him.

Don't allow yourself to drop to snooping in his things. you dont need to prove anything. you seem to think that having this sim card will give you the reason you need to leave.

in actual fact the fact that you are tearing your house apart to find something...is all teh reason you need.

This really isn't helping you at all.

QuintessentialShadow · 29/08/2008 12:49

If he has another sim card, why need another phone? He most probably have the sim card with him, and just pops it into his regular phone each time he wants to call/text her?

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 13:21

Mamazon - thanks for advice have heard the same many times from friends and family and ignored them thinking our relationship would eventually be normal. About time I listened to them and you and took my life back - easier said than done after 11 years and a child involved!!

OP posts:

quinne · 29/08/2008 13:51

if you need to hide something then you put it where your DP won't normally go but where it is easily accessible to you and it doesn't look odd if you go there, nor is it obvious that you have disturbed things around. So, things like in his golf bag if he plays golf, inside the socks he never wears now, inside the DVd case of his West Ham winners 1997 DVD.

quinne · 29/08/2008 13:52

the way to find it is to threaten a spring clean of various rooms and watch for the one he starts looking worried about

Iklboo · 29/08/2008 13:55

When he comes in show him phone and say "look what I found. Think I'll put it on ebay and see how much I get for it. Is it unlocked?!

Original poster

confused7704 · 29/08/2008 14:37

quinne - funny you say that, I found the pay as you go phone in his golf bag!! as you said a place I wouldnt go looking in!!
Iklboo - I've already been in the phone and put SIM in sim card reader - NOTHING

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 29/08/2008 15:05

Try under sun visor in car - great place to keep petrol cards, so maybe a SIM there?

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