dh been messaging some foxy woman on a music web thing a bit like facebook. v cross

[belcantavinissima]

we share an email address and he has been obsessed with this bloody website for weeks now. tonight i found he had a msg from someone and when i cross-checked it against his 'page' i found he had already sent this random woman (who, incidentally is all tits and pouting and fake tan) a msg saying 'you look fantastic honey'. . she msged him back saying he obvv has very good taste.

wtf was he doing sending that? what a git! and he kept going on about how he wasnt going to msg anyone or do any of the 'friends' listings etc (and he hasnt so far). she has now sent him a friends request. shall i decline it on his behalf? or just quietly keep an eye on it? should i say something? i feel unneccessarily angry about it but not sure i should be, wwyd???

no hangover at all. maybe i am still pissed

If you really want to know everything your other half is up to then something like Sniperspy can't be beaten, ( and no am not on commision with them, but I should be lol) its gives all chat history in MSN and other accounts but not Yahoo I don't think, but there may be other products that give you Yahoo chats, you also get a log of all key strokes and websites visited, with pics of exactly what they are looking at on screen. What I found out was pretty awful but if you really want to know the whole truth and not what they are telling you then its good. I saw a whole sick manipulative side to my bf. Some anti virus can be gotten round, they give you instructions of how to do it. Sorry to say it but any bf of mine in the future will prob have same spy ware on his pc, after what I have been through I don't want to be led down the garden path again, better you know than not.

that looks v interesting lel, just checked out their website .amv tempted HOWEVER i need to know whether it will give you info about what has previously been entered into the computer not just in real time iykwim as he is not here and wont be around til after i have gone away at weekend. i want to confront him when he gets back really.

Isn't spying on him to that degree just as morally indefensible as what you believe he's doing? You have every right to be upset/furious with him but it might turn out to be something less than you think, you might decide you can forgive him (not saying you should or shouldn't, just looking objectively at the situation) but will he be able to forgive you for going to the lengths of using spyware? Would it not be better for your self-esteem and dignity to confront him with what you already know? Lel, 'any bf of mine in the future will prob have same spy ware on his pc'. I feel sorry for you and for him (the future bf, not the x). Yes, having your trust shattered is mortifying, but you do have to give other people a chance.

loo bel at your drunken spellling! Yes I think it is a good idea to speak to him about it now. Then you can go off for your hens w/e and mull it all over, and so can he. Do you still feel like you want to do that?

I wouldn;t do the spy software personally - I would just have it out with him. You will just torture yourself otherwise

that was supposed to be lol, not loo and i'm not even drunk!

The spyware will update with whatever has happened on the pc while you are not able to log onto the spy ware server, you just go to update logs and it will bring back all that has been done on the pc since you last logged onto the server. If there is anti spyware on there then ask them how you go about getting round it but you will need to know what it is first to tell them. It won't pick up anything prior to before you install it. If your not comforatble telling him about your monitoring as a way of finding out, then don't, but if you find out he really is up to no good, then him knowing about the spyware will be the least of your worries as he will be the one in the wrong NOT you. If you wern't suspicious in the first place then you wouldn't have needed nor wanted to do it. I only monitored by bf'S pc cos I had recently found out about an affair he had that ended a number of years ago and also about a woman he was sending some dodgy texts to over a number of years, and at one point he was texting her a lot, according to an old bill I found and he was still texting her. Prior to that I trusted him, and if I hadn't done what I did I would NEVER have found out about him almost having on line sex with someone else, someone else he previously had an affair with about 7 years ago (which I never knew about), and I only saw one really explicit chat between them cos it was only on there for 5 days before he realised how I had found out, believe me he has never blamed me for monitoring him, in fact he thought it was very clever of me, but yes I wasn't proud of it and felt sad it had come to it, and very sad about what I had found out, but looking back the signs were there.

As to giving other people a chance then of cause I will, but I won't be as naive anymore and will not trust blindly like I did, which I did with him, despite him being anti committment for years, however I really believed that he wouldn't have done what he did, the difference is that he considered anything online not cheating, whereas before he started acting like a normal bf it would have been a real physical affair, but he is I believe an addict. People have affairs for different reasons and that was his.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

And he won't be able to tell you have spyware on there, he will only know if you tell him or if he installs some anti spyware after you install it. I would say leave it on there, if your going to do it, for a month and if he's not up to anything then you know you can trust him and take it off again

thanks lel, tbh i dont think i am going to do the spyware thing. i can nderstand why you did tho. i think i have everythiing i need and i am going to ask him to show me the rest. i simply cant speak to him about it before sunday as i dont want to give him any opportunity to delete/ hide anything before i make him show me. blimey that spyware thing is not that cheap either eh? i'd rather console myself with a pair of new shoes lol

hi girls this is my new user name. h knows my orig one and odnt want him to catch up with me. thanks x

hi be - did you talk to him? How did it go?

Bel,
This wouldn't be a site one of us already has a profile on would it?
So we could message him from an already established account?

bel - how are you doing? Hope you're OK

Any news? Did you talk to him?

hi girls sorry not got back to you sooner.

i did speak to him sunday night as planned. i had been feeling really anxious about it all day. i came back from my wekend a bit earlier in the day as planned as i wanted to see the kids and just couldnt put it all off any longer.
he knew something was wrong straight away as i was really 'off' with him.
anywya after ds had gone to bed i said i wanted to talk to hhim, said i knew all what he had been doing. he said he didnt know whjat i was talking about so i said a few of the things he had written. he denied it, i said 'oh really? let me remind you then shall i? ' and proceeded to read out the printed off versions. he pooh-poohed the whole thing and bugger he is home got to go

OH NO
I hope you get it sorted. How can he deny it, you have clear evidence. Please dont let him talk his way out of it.
Hope your ok, let us know rest of story when you able.

bel - have only just seen your reply - please let us know how it is going - is he still living there , it sounds like it

They always lie to begin with.........hope you are ok bel, well as ok as you can be under the circumstances

glad to have found this thread again.. could not spell your name right to search for it ! thiking of you

bel - fill us in - are you OK?

bel what happened?

any update??

you share an email address?