dh been messaging some foxy woman on a music web thing a bit like facebook. v cross

[belcantavinissima]

we share an email address and he has been obsessed with this bloody website for weeks now. tonight i found he had a msg from someone and when i cross-checked it against his 'page' i found he had already sent this random woman (who, incidentally is all tits and pouting and fake tan) a msg saying 'you look fantastic honey'. . she msged him back saying he obvv has very good taste.

wtf was he doing sending that? what a git! and he kept going on about how he wasnt going to msg anyone or do any of the 'friends' listings etc (and he hasnt so far). she has now sent him a friends request. shall i decline it on his behalf? or just quietly keep an eye on it? should i say something? i feel unneccessarily angry about it but not sure i should be, wwyd???

she's probably a fat fecker with a moustache who posted some random pic she found on google

If I were you I'd be worried. I was in a similar situation to you a couple of months ago. I found out through spyware that my long term bf had a separate email account and was basically getting a girl that he had previously had a short affair with to play with herself while he was chatting to her online, and believe me he was egging her on, whilst not doing anything himself (he drew the line at that, y?! I don't know), he said it was just the way the conversation went!, but he wanted it too go that way. There was also another girl he would chat to online and he would try to get her to talk dirty to him but she wasn't having any of it, but he would say similar things to her like, 'you're looking good', 'shame we can't meet', 'you wouldn't be bored if you were here' ect. So I would be very wary if I were you, I'd monitor him, and see where he takes it, I only had my spyware on there a matter of hours and found out all I needed to know. With my bf, now ex bf, I think he had symptoms of being a sex addict, although he doesn't think its a problem and says all his friends are up to it even though they are in realtionships! I've told him he needs to see a therapist, he said he will but hasn't yet, so hes not taking it seriously, he has I have now found out had affairs, plus a long term married woman he texted for years, with I believe dirty texts, so its never been just me he has been with, digusting really.

lel, thats horrible

glad you are away from that toxic fucker

god lel, what a bastard

i am planning on 'waiting and seeing' . i havent said anything to him but i made a stupid mistake last night of not deleting the emails that were sent thro so now he knows everytime he messages her or she messages him that it comes thro to the email so he [should] be on guard iyswim. he may not do it again.

he does have a seperate email address- a yahoo one - but i have no idea what the password etc is for it. i dont know why he uses it but i know he does.

he keeps his mobiles in his briefcase now as well which he never used to . i do, however, if given the opportunity peek at his sent/receieved msgs. no idea how to work his work mobile tho so no point in looking at that. i wish i wasnt always so suspicious but i think he has made me this way. i only found out about his past 'fling' when her boyfriend battered on the door and threatened to beat him up.

oh i checked it just now and he has been on it at work today tho i dont know what he has done on it. it says he left a msg for someone a couple of weeks ago but its since been deleted

i would go on the forgot password link, you can reset the account and see whats in there...

dh talked to a forbidden woman (looooong story) on fb - i shut the fucker down, changed passwords, everything. ain't happening on my watch.

I had it out with dh - i was so scary he came home from work!

for you, though. hope you sort it.

LEL1 Glad you are out of that one! thats awful.

Bel If you delete it may be more obvious, I dont know. Can you copy and paste them into a seperate document at least you will always have evidence if he decides to delete them!!! Not that I want to suggest the worst but I have a collegue who is going through a divorce and her not so DH is lying about stuff and being awful so always good to have back up on things!!! Not saying you will go to this but even if it is proof if he denies stuff. If he turns it round on you looking at his things then it shows he is stupid! You have every right to look in your emails and look into things that dont seem right. I would def keep checking things to see what happens and work out if it is just a friendly thing.

Hope you feeling ok.

If your feeling suspicious then its your instinct telling you something is not right, unfortunately the only way you will know the full truth is to put spyware on his pc, you can get them for phones too. If he doesn't have anti virus on his pc then its easy enough to do, if he does then you can still get round some of them. If I hadn't of used spyware I wouldn't have known cos its easy to keep hidden what you do on your pc, just as it is with a phone. I don't think mine was up to anything physically with anyone but its still cheating being sleazy like that, I also never realised how much he was into looking at porn til I saw how often he was looking, as soon as he got up basically. I never regarded men looking at porn as a problem, I now think it is a bad sign if they are looking at it daily and often, I'm still convinced he is a sex addict but obviously he doesn't like that label, and he reckons he has given it up just like that, yeah but for how long. I feel bad saying it but most men if they are up to something will never admit to the full extent of it, once you see it for yourself they can't talk their way out of it

how did this spyware thing work?

can you see individual emails/posts/websites visited etc ?

Bel, hello i'm new just wanted to respond to give you say that it might not be as bad as it looks. In my experience women can be very sly. For example last night i was on my own FB and a message popped up from a girl we know (shes only 20 and is a friends daughter) i know it was bad but i didn't want to talk to her so i wrote back that i was dh logged in under my name i didn't think she'd talk but she started chatting calling him honey, asking if he fancied going out this weekend. The thing is bless her shes not a very attractive girl and despite recently losing a couple of stone she still wouldn't be his type Dh new i was talking to her and just laughed but the cheek of some girls i would never speak to someone elses dh like that.
Dh left FB as his ex kept private messaging him he hasn't seen her for 6 years and she was sending him messages then one night when i was on his account late at night and a message came through from her saying "are you alright honey?". i promptly went down and bopped him on the head whilst he was asleep, turned out his status said he was feeling poorly and it was just in response to that but he closed his account. Some women are just snakes, and admittedly some men are idiots but its possible its nothing, I wouldn't let it get to you there is nothing worse than suspision and jealousy it'll eat you up and destroy your confidence, I would just confront him straight away unless you have other reasons to suspect him.

Oh dear im going to have to get the hang of short messaging talk about a bloody essay.

lol!

i spoke to my brother about it today and he got really cross with me saying we were both really immature and fgs we should just grow up and start acting our age and he cant be bothered to talk to me about it. this comes from a bloke who still hasnt got a job, gets his parents to pay for everything for him and still brings his dirty washing home for his mum to do for him . he made me cry .

Your brother sounds a bit harsh, but he has a point really. I think it might be best to just go ballistic with him and confront this immediately so he knows it is unacceptable. Otherwise the watching and waiting will eat you up with suspicion - act now, swift, hard and NO ROOM FOR DOUBT, so he can't whinge about his privacy. He has slipped up before, so you have every right to ask he be transparent with you. Good luck x x

how's it going bel? any developments

FWIW I think your brother sounds really mean - whatever he thins I'm sure he knew you were upset and that is not a very nice way to treat someone who is upset.

Hope you're OK

thank you. my brother is too wrapped up in his own life to eveer even think about anyone else tbh. but thats a whole other story lol!

not spoken to dh about it at all but have been watching his internet activity as much as i am able to. he is away now for the week and i wont see him til sun night. i think i have missed my boat as regards to discussing this with him.

thanks for thinking about me tho

FOR FUCKS SAKE> just checked it, he has msged her this:

our compatibility is low but I find myself drawn to you....but I don't know why!

she has msged him saying:

well you are quite adorable so i dont mind

fyi he has a pic of ds2 as his photo not a picture of himself. but still i dont like the way it is going given it is him that keeps making the 'first move' iyswim

and another one- to some other fucking bimbo:

stunning eyes, but very low compatibilty...just not meant to be

Oh No!!
I would def have it out with him now, I thought he was meant to be working away, seems he is having fun online!!!

he certainly seems to be having fun online. it says on his account thing he was on it just a couple of hours ago. he must be accessing it via his phone PLUS he ust have realised the msg alerts were being emailed to our joint email acct and has changed it to his 'secret' yahoo account. am so so disappointed sad and angry with him. i know that it doesnt mean anything in itself in that she prob lives miles away and she and he will never meet up with any of these women but it makes me wonder what he is up to in RL and also the fact that he isnt who i thought he was

i dont know what i should do now

Have you spoken to him about it?

not yet. and he is away now 'working' so i wont see him til sunday night. tbh i thought it had blown over and that it was a one off buty after checking today i see it is ongoing and that he is now just being secretive about it. i dont know if there have been 'private' messages sent as well or just the ones that everyone can see

Sorry - just seen your previous posts about it and so I can see you haven't.

Do you want to wait until you have more evidence and then confront him or do you think you could nip this in the bud now by telling him you know what he has done?

How is he with you generally? Is he loving?
Do you think you speaking to him would shock him enough to stop it, or are you worried he will make excuses?

I think you need to be firm now, tell him what you know and make it clear you are not putting up with it. maybe even ask that he moves out until you sort oout what you want to do?

he hasnt been much different with me tbh tho i have noticed he hasnt been bothered by if i refuse his 'advances' recently iykwim.

how can i get 'evidence'? what kind of evidence? should i be printing off the stuff i have found? i really really need to find out his yahoo acct details but no idea how. any idea?

cant believe he is doing this after what happened before. he must be really very stupid (or perhaps he just thinks i am [hmm)