Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU about husband?

41 replies

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 18:49

Posted on here re husband a while ago. How he hasn't been that good to me over the years. Anyway, 3 weeks ago I told him I was unhappy and needed some time and space. He got really angry with me and so I decided to come over to my parents. I asked him if, for the sake of our two sons if he would consider moving into a rented flat for a while so they could have the stability of their home. He refused point blank saying no way, I'd walked out and I can come back whenever I want. I asked him to get some help for his temper and he hasn't done this and he also went away for a week (was supposed to be our family holiday but for obvious reasons we couldn't all go). I asked him again this evening about going into rented accommodation and I got the same response and him saying what would I do if I didn't have the luxury of staying with my folks. Ok, I can understand he was shocked when I said I wanted some time apart as it was quite out of the blue, but I did explain that I was unhappy and the reasons why (at least I have tried to). AIBU in all of this to ask him to find somewhere else for a time? It's not for me, it's so our dc can go home - one of them has attachment difficulties.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 18:56

OP posts:

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 22/08/2008 18:57

I don't think YABU no. I can see were he is coming from in not wanting to move out, especially as it was sudden. But he should do it for the sake of your DC. When my mum and dad split up it was my mum's decision my dad was very shocked. My sister was only 13 at the time and still at home. My dad was prepared to leave the house so my sister could stay put and it wasn't to distruptive for her. As it turned out my mum wanted to leave the house, so my sister stayed with my dad.

(((hugs)))

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:08

Thanks unaccomplished. See that is the thing. If it was just me I would find somewhere myself, but it's the boys that need to be at home and I had hoped he would understand that I need some space from him and consider their needs.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 22/08/2008 19:12

Hello again Have you seen a solicitor? Glad you've managed to stay away BTW. How do you feel?

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:29

Yes, have seen a solicitor. She said there is no way other than divorce or judicial separation to get him out of the house. Feeling a LOT stronger than I did but I am utterly flabbergasted by his lack of care for the dc. I am thinking I will file for divorce soon as this is getting ridiculous. BTW, did I ever mention that he is an ordained priest? So now he is really angry because I have written to the bishop with my concerns!

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 22/08/2008 19:31

He's a priest and he has treated you badly sexually?!?!?!?!?!?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 22/08/2008 19:32

Why have you written to the Bishop??! Where does he come into it??

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:32

Yep! I know, I didn't think I'd said about that before.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 22/08/2008 19:33

A Priest! I know you said he was religious and well thought off. but .
If he won't go, file for divorce. Glad you are doing well, I was worried about you ,

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 22/08/2008 19:34

I was wondering where you'd said that.. not on this thread (?)..

I suppose priests can be tossers too..

nkf · 22/08/2008 19:34

It doesn't sound unreasonable to ask that he backs off for a while. One question are you really hoping to divorce him and his moving out is just an interim stage? He may think that's what's going on and maybe it is. Perhaps if you were clearer about your reasons. Am I right in that you are asking him to move out while you think through your options and it's better for the children to stay in the home?

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:35

The bishop spoke to my husband about it all and wanted to know what was going on. It was only fair that I was able to put my point of view across. But I think I was quite reasonable and did say I didn't want any trouble for him. I truly don't but I DO want to be able to take my dc home.

OP posts:

squeaver · 22/08/2008 19:36

Oh I remember you littlemissworry.

I remember having a suspicion about his job on your previous thread. Sounds like he's more worried about how he might be perceived than his own dcs. Terrible.

Sounds like legal proceedings are the only way to go. So sorry for your situation but glad to see you're feeling stronger.

nkf · 22/08/2008 19:37

Is it a church house?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 22/08/2008 19:37

Yes can understand that but I suppose H feels like you've gone behind his back/been underhand etc perhaps? But if he's been abusing you/treating you badly then obviously he doesn't deserve the respect/consideration for his faith(?)/career that you might have given him otherwise.. sorry I haven't read your other threads so not sure of the details.

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:38

I think you're right squeaver. He actually said that if he moves out people in the parish will think he's done something wrong - ummm he has!

OP posts:

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:38

No, it's not a church house, it's our own.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 22/08/2008 19:41

Shiny LMW has posted befor about her husband. He's a git. IMHO.

Tortington · 22/08/2008 19:44

yeah i think you are

either sort it or split

him going somewhere for a while wont solve anything

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:44

I really do think now that the only way is out. I just cannot believe that he is not putting his dc first above everything else.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 22/08/2008 19:46

But he's only ever puts himself first, it's not out of character. He doesn't want too lose face, that's all.

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:47

But it isn't that simple custardo. He COULD try to get some help for his anger and show me that he is willing to make amends for what has happened and I would have tried again but now I'm not so sure.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:50

You're right cocolepew he doesn't want to lose face and deep down I think he is very scared. Actually, I'm not interested in ruining his career in the church. As far as I'm concerned that's a separate issue. What is important is that the boys go home but he is just impossible to talk to about it. He won't discuss it rationally.

OP posts:

nkf · 22/08/2008 19:50

Where are you living now?

Original poster

littlemissworry · 22/08/2008 19:51

I'm with my parents at the moment. They are fab but it can't go on indefinitely.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2