AIBU about husband?

[littlemissworry]

Posted on here re husband a while ago. How he hasn't been that good to me over the years. Anyway, 3 weeks ago I told him I was unhappy and needed some time and space. He got really angry with me and so I decided to come over to my parents. I asked him if, for the sake of our two sons if he would consider moving into a rented flat for a while so they could have the stability of their home. He refused point blank saying no way, I'd walked out and I can come back whenever I want. I asked him to get some help for his temper and he hasn't done this and he also went away for a week (was supposed to be our family holiday but for obvious reasons we couldn't all go). I asked him again this evening about going into rented accommodation and I got the same response and him saying what would I do if I didn't have the luxury of staying with my folks. Ok, I can understand he was shocked when I said I wanted some time apart as it was quite out of the blue, but I did explain that I was unhappy and the reasons why (at least I have tried to). AIBU in all of this to ask him to find somewhere else for a time? It's not for me, it's so our dc can go home - one of them has attachment difficulties.

Read your op in your previous post. You don't sound like you've ever had a very happy life with him.

If he won't leave the house and you think it's important for the boys to be there, you need to go back and initiate divorce. Or you could stay put and initiate divorce. Or you could try again with him. I know there is standard advice which is to stay in the marital home but how it actually works in practice I don't know.

No I haven't. I don't really think we should have got married. I was a 'young 24' IYSWIM and I think he was dominant and pushed me into marrying him. I hated my job and it was a good way out. Then with everything that has happened plus I've grown up and we have got to this point now.

nkf, I couldn't face living with him at the moment. All I can think at the moment is that I stay here and initiate divorce - the solicitor said I can divorce him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour so that isn't a problem.

which church is he a priest? C of E or Catholic?

did the bishop not offer more support for you?

Stay and enjoy being with your parents for a while and send a letter to your H.

I really feel for you though. An 'upstanding' member of the community and well thought of by everyone but is a complete twit and horrible to his wife!
tis not fair.

How old are your children?

He's c of e and everyone thinks he is the bees knees! coco, my boys and 5 and 7.

I doubt though that your DH would be able to be the C of E priest that he is if his wife filed for divorce on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. His congregation would lose faith in him. That is why he is refusing to move out. You need to write to him and tell him what you feel and what you want him to do (again)

What does he do to you? (if you can talk about it?) What is he like with the children?

I would stay with your parents until you start legal proceedings. I presume your parents are ok for you to stay there? Do they know how bad it's been?

collision, he has a temper and is not good to me sexually. Recently, we had a meeting at ds2 school and he lost it and I ended up in tears and had to ask him to leave. I can't easily discuss things with him (as is apparent from all of this that is going on!). The worst stuff though is the sex. In the earlier days of our marriage he carried on while I was upset and once when I told him to stop (was extremely upset at the time if I remember rightly), albeit not for a long time it was horrible. And then he wanted to know when it was going to be happening and always felt I should as it was the right thing to do and if I didn't how would he be with the children - mabye he'd be pent up and get angry. I didn't exactly feel in a loving and caring relationship. He's good with the boys but ds2 hasn't wanted to speak to him on the phone much the last few weeks which I think speaks volumes.

Yes, mum and dad are quite appalled at him. Did I say that husband asked them to buy him a house, then he would consider moving out and paying a rent he could afford? When my dad said no, husband said - ok, no deal, you don't buy a house, I don't move out the family home .

Oh yes I remember him asking your parents to buy him a house now. Wasn't your son happy to be away from him at the beginning?
I'm refraining from swearing as I get the impression you don't but he really is a self centered .
I'm glad your DPs are supportive, that's half the baattle.

Yes I think ds is happier at the moment away from him which is one of the major reasons I can't go back. I have been very close to calling him all sorts of things! You're right about my parents - they are so supportive and luckily not too badly off so I don't have the immediate worry of financial stuff.

Think I'll say cheerio for now as going to have a chat about it all with mum and dad. coco, thanks for all your advice. I'll keep you up to date on what's happening.

Not sure I ever give good advice I tend to waffle but good luck and do keep posting

I wouldn't normally advise this but i would just go for the divorce - if your DCs are happier then it speaks volumes.