Was this my fault?

[Wasthismyfault]

Namechanger here.

I am married with two dc. H works full time, I am a SAHM. He does not do anything round the house or even for his children. He never once got up in the night with them ever. I have no family or friends nearby and am basically bringing up my dc alone, I do everything for them.

Today dd (2) woke up a bit whingy, she often does. I usually give her an hour or so to make sure she is not unwell and then tend to be pretty no nonsense about it, don't buy into it etc. If I did she would tantrum all day long. So after about an hour I said in a firm tone (not shout, I rarely shout) "Right, enough nonsense, calm down because I am not having this all day". H was in bed and heard me say this. I knew he would be awake and hearing it, I had absolutely nothing to hide. He got up and told me not to speak to his kids like that. I replied that I would speak to them however I like because I would never speak to them badly and asked him what I said to her that had bothered him so much? He then ran down the corridor and roared into my face that if he ever heard me speak to his dc like that again he would give me a "f*cking headbutt". He was right in my face when he said it and I felt that he really wanted to do it.

He has been violent before but not in a sustained way, usually as part of an argument. He then told me that I had to be respectful to his kids 100% of the time and never shout at them or speak impatiently to them in any way or I would have him to answer to.

I am in shock I think. I am shaking while I type this. I am ashamed to say that I flinched away from him and covered my head and face because I really thought he was going to do it. I feel weak and pathetic and angry with myself that I did not stand up to him. I spoke to him about it later and he said that he said it because he was protecting his dd and would say and do it again if necessary.

I think I am a great Mum. I am really patient with my dc, they are the best things in my life and I love being with them and I am doing it by myself. He never does anything for them. I don't work and pretty much my whole life is devoted to doing things with and for my dc. I love being with them try really hard to make them happy. He has been irritated with them and shouted at them before but if I am firm with one of them then I am threatened with violence. Please I need some advice

How can he be a great dad if he never do things for his kids, or on his own with the kids?

How can he be a great dad who threatens to headbutt mum and slit her throat?

How can he be a great dad when he is showing them a male rolemodel who treat women in this way?

How can he be a great dad when he is showing his kids that this is what a relationship between man and woman is like?

Would it break your heart to one day see your daughter being in the same relationship with a man like you have with your husband now?

If the answer is yes, you know what you should do. For yourself. For your children.

you need to get time to mull this over protect yourself.your counselling will be a neutral supportive outlet

so much to think about so much practically - scary enough task

try to make the best of this until you know what you want

as indignant as others will naturally be. this will move and take direction when you are able to decide what you want need

also consider supportive organisations
Samaritan's

you and dc take care

X

well done for being strong and asking questions on here
best of luck in whatever you chose to do

xxxx