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Original poster

I feel strangely guilty but don't know if i should...!

31 replies

beaniebaby25 · 10/08/2008 22:24

Ok i feel weird about this but don't know if i'm being ridiculous.

Qbout 8 years ago i lived in a different town and became friends with this group of lads, one of whom really liked me and wanted us be an item. I spent quite a bit of time with him going out clubbing/drinking etc, mostly with others, and must have given him the impression that i was interested in him like he was in me. Anyway he went to kiss me one time and i went 'ooh no' or something and really upset him, then didnt hear from him again. i thought it was a shame that our friendship had gone down the pan but really thought no more of it. He was a lovely chap but just didn't 'do' it for me IFKWIM.

So then a week ago he contacted me on facebook. we exchanged a few emails through that then i suggested we met up for a drink and a catch-up. i made it clear i had a DP in my messages. He rang me tonight and i agreed to meeting him on weds for a drink. My DP is currently away with work and TBH i don't know if I'd have agreed to it had he been here. I know there's nothing in it, I'd never cheat on DP and i know he trusts me implicitly (with reason). But i can't shake the feeling i'm doing something naughty.. which i really don't think i am... i need another gauge - any honest opinions out there?

do you think me meeting up with him will think that i'm 'interested'? will DP be mad? can't speak to him where he is apart from the odd text, so can't really run it past him. I'm sure if he was here he wouldn't mind... god i'm rambling now. Any thoughts? xx

OP posts:
Bowddee · 10/08/2008 22:28

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I'd go mental if DH met up with an old female mate from way back. If he wanted to meet up wih her, I'd expect to go along too. And I would do the same for him.

schneebly · 10/08/2008 22:28

Don't do it - it is a bad idea! The very fact that you feel guilty already spells trouble!

Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2008 22:28

your friend will definastely be living in hope that you will be interested. That's probably where the guilty feelings come from.

You are not actually doing anything wrong by meeting up with a friend. Just make sure you don't keep it from your DP, after all, you have no reason to, you don't even fancy the guy.

SlartyBartFast · 10/08/2008 22:29

i dont think it's right myself

elmoandella · 10/08/2008 22:29

wrong. dont do it.

how would yu feel if he hooked up with someone he had kissed before. and to top it off never told you about it.

Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2008 22:29

Bowdee you'd 'go mental' if your DH wanted to meet up with an old friend?

Seriously?!

It's women like you who give all of us women a bad name.

piratecat · 10/08/2008 22:30

how would you feel if your dp did this when you were away, and 'unable to run it by him?'

If you think this guy will be hoping for more than a drink, then don't go, why do you need to?

Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2008 22:31

You're just meeting up with an old friend. There's nothing wrong with doing that.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/08/2008 22:31

Don't do it.

If you really want to catch up then wait for DP to return and have a meal/drink out all together.

Secrets, deceptions, illicit meetings - an underhand way to behave, I'm afraid.

rookiemater · 10/08/2008 22:31

Do not go. How would you feel if you were away and your DP did the same thing ?

WinkyWinkola · 10/08/2008 22:31

Obviously this guy was into you.

Why do you want to meet him again? Why are you so interested? Are you bored?

I wouldn't go. Keep your life simple and without silly unnecessary complications.

Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2008 22:31

But just because the guy might be hoping for something more doesn't mean he's going to get it so what's the harm in meeting up for a drink?

Overmydeadbody · 10/08/2008 22:32

WinkyWinkola is it so strange to want to meet up with an old friend?

elmoandella · 10/08/2008 22:36

overmydeadbody - i believe there is some harm on leading the guy on.

not fair on him

not fair on op's dp.

SlartyBartFast · 10/08/2008 22:36

not while dh is away - fine when he comes back

cutekids · 10/08/2008 22:36

the very fact that you have to ask the question means....to me anyway...that you know full well you're doing "something naughty".That isn't to say that you intend to do anything naughty with this guy but something's making you curious isn't it?

nooka · 10/08/2008 22:41

I don't think there is anything particularly wicked about doing this, but make sure you tell your dp - if you feel uncomfortable about that then reconsider. What sort of emails have they been - if completely friendly then I'd not worry - 8 years is a long time, and hopefully he will have had other relationships in that time. Otherwise can you take a friend maybe?

Original poster
beaniebaby25 · 10/08/2008 22:44

Yes i think that's it - if it was the other way round, with my DP meeting up with an old friend while i was away - I wouldn't feel too comfortable about it. but then i get jealous quite easily and he doesn't at all and i really don't think he'd mind.

And winky - i think i may be a bit bored and that's why i'm going. stil struggling to make new friends where i live now and found out my old friend works nearby so i thought it would be nice to get the friendship going again. but then i was a very different person back then i dont even know if
we'd have anything in common.

but then i think i'm being ridiculous, and it really is nothing more than a drink with an old friend, the only reason i feel weird about it is because i know he used to fancy me. of course, no one's saying he even will now!

OP posts:
elmoandella · 10/08/2008 22:45

also, you say your dp trusts you completely. you could ruin that by these secret meetings. regardless if guy is friend. your dp isn't gonna see it that way coz you haven't been open with him.

Original poster
beaniebaby25 · 10/08/2008 22:45

yes he was telling me about an ex girlfriend on the phone today, they broke upa few weeks ago. he's done loads of stuff since i knew him, eg travelling, so i'm sure he's 'moved on' by now.
but yep maybe taking a friend is a good idea...

OP posts:
Original poster
beaniebaby25 · 10/08/2008 22:47

good point elmo.

the emails have just been friendly, there's nothing implied in any of it. maybe i just feel a bit paranoid cos DP's been away for 2 weeks now and not back for another week and feel a bit lonely.

OP posts:
Mamazon · 10/08/2008 22:47

if your DP trusts you and you know that nothing wil happen then why not twell your DP that you have been contacted by this friend and that you have agreed to meet him.

I personally wouldn't mention the kiss as it never really happened and it doesn't change anything.

WinkyWinkola · 10/08/2008 22:50

No, of course it's not strange to want to meet up with an old friend.

And it's not strange to want to meet up with an old friend who used to fancy you madly (and may still).

But it could cause a lot of difficulty if you met up in secret or if said old friend still held a torch and started making moves.

Why bother that sleeping dog?

toy23 · 10/08/2008 22:56

As long as my wife told me she was going before hand i wouldent mind but its trust thing i know i can trust my wife.

Original poster
beaniebaby25 · 10/08/2008 23:03

I think i'll send DP a text mentioning i'm going out for a drink with an old friend. about once a week he manages to call me so perhaps we'll speak beforehand.

thanks for everyone's comments. altho it seems the majority think i should not go, i think i will go ahead and meet him, and only for one drink, and just tread carefully.

OP posts: