I feel strangely guilty but don't know if i should...!

[beaniebaby25]

Ok i feel weird about this but don't know if i'm being ridiculous.

Qbout 8 years ago i lived in a different town and became friends with this group of lads, one of whom really liked me and wanted us be an item. I spent quite a bit of time with him going out clubbing/drinking etc, mostly with others, and must have given him the impression that i was interested in him like he was in me. Anyway he went to kiss me one time and i went 'ooh no' or something and really upset him, then didnt hear from him again. i thought it was a shame that our friendship had gone down the pan but really thought no more of it. He was a lovely chap but just didn't 'do' it for me IFKWIM.

So then a week ago he contacted me on facebook. we exchanged a few emails through that then i suggested we met up for a drink and a catch-up. i made it clear i had a DP in my messages. He rang me tonight and i agreed to meeting him on weds for a drink. My DP is currently away with work and TBH i don't know if I'd have agreed to it had he been here. I know there's nothing in it, I'd never cheat on DP and i know he trusts me implicitly (with reason). But i can't shake the feeling i'm doing something naughty.. which i really don't think i am... i need another gauge - any honest opinions out there?

do you think me meeting up with him will think that i'm 'interested'? will DP be mad? can't speak to him where he is apart from the odd text, so can't really run it past him. I'm sure if he was here he wouldn't mind... god i'm rambling now. Any thoughts? xx

If you must go then, telling your DP is a very good idea.

However the whole thing still sounds like a recipe for disaster, if before you go out you are already thinking that you need to "tread carefully" then seriously you should not be in that situation. You know this friend used to fancy you, you know he has split from his gf, and you are feeling lonely because your DP is away and you don't know many people.

I don't agree that it is about trust. My DH trusts me implicitly, but part of that is because I don't put myself in situations where I meet up with blokes that used to fancy me, its common sense,why would you do it ?
Why don't you see if there are any mumsnet meet ups in your area, or join a local group. That way you can make the friends you need without putting your relationship in jeopardy.

tell your dp or else it becomes a clanestine secret.

I'd just avoid someone I knew fancied me. As if that would happen now anyway. But it's just asking for trouble.

He's going to say, "But we went out for a drink? A date? You knew how I felt. What was I supposed to think?"

Move on. There's loads of people in the world to meet. Don't rehash old ground.

I had this a little while ago with the brother of a life long girlfriend. I'd been away for years and was now divorced and he'd also been married years and just got divorced. We met up together with my friend (his sister) and went out for a drink and talk over old times. Then I went to the loo and he jumped after me telling me how he'd fancied me all those years back and can he please call etc. I didn't want to offend and kept it 'normal' 'of course bla bla bla'..'we can all go out together again etc'... but he kept calling me at all hours and my boyfriend wasn't too happy about it. It wasn't my fault, but also I had lost control and didn't want to upset my girlfriend. It got complicated until I sat down with my girlfriend and told her how he'd misinterpreted and kept calling etc. It made things complicated all round, when really all it started out to be was an innocent meet/chat and get together.
My advise... only go and meet him with your partner. Then the situation is quite clear to him and partner. A situation can arise out of nothing. You never know the other persons expectations and a lot of water has gone under the bridge. He might be misreading you totally, then you'll have to try and shake him off etc... don't do it.

you said you used to go out in groups so it doesn't really sound like he was a great great friend, that being said i understand wanting to meet up with an old friend so to take away the guilt and to feel things out how about you meet up for drinks or coffee with him and another of your friends, and then you can see if he still seems attracted to you after all 8 years is a long time if he has still been fancying you after all that time without even having had a kiss he would be pretty creepy

ok i decided not to go!! told him i had a prior engagement i'd forgotten about and we should rearrange (but not sure I intend to). Didn't manage to speak to DP about it so thought it wasn't worth it just in case. and on his reply (i did it via text) he said that he'd been really looking forward to it but he understood, and to take care, then signed off with TEN kisses

so i think i did the right thing... thanks wise MNers!!!
xxx