Dating website for married persons

[illicitaffair]

I received an email two weeks ago from a company called Illicit Encounters. It appears that someone who I know who has used the site has recommended that I would benefit from joining up

When I eventually put two and two together and realised that it was a friend who had recently started a new relationship with a married man, it started me wondering - yes it is wrong for too many reasons even to list but I imagine so exciting too.

Have obviously name changed for this and am expecting to be hung, drawn and quartered but would like others opinions anyway

girlnextdoor - you have made some very good points and came over much better than I did as too tired to continue the debate last night.

What I am doing is wrong - there is no argument about that and most likely, in time I will get my 'punishment'. However for me the issue of getting hurt is no more or less likely than in any other sort of relationship. We are already emotionally involved - when it ends we will both be hurt.
If my DH finds out, he will be hurt, probably to the extent of the hurt he has made me feel over the last 10 years because of his emotional absence.

dress it up as you will, as a woman who's been on the receiving end it's wrong in any shape or form.

If you no longer want to be with your partner/husband why stay with them? giving them the freedom to choose to find love again is better than stopping in a relationship where there's no love - that's a v v hard lesson i've had to learn in life, but one that's valid none the less. I'm afraid I do agree with zippi.

and fyi snowwhite - maybe you need to learn about the way things really work - I did everything and more to keep my x and he still went off - suggesting I didn't is well v v maybe you should be in the situation before your so keen to hand out advice and look down your nose gloating at others who have been .

yes Spandex, men do not only stray for sex, for many it's emotional or other reasons as well so no amount of nookie at home will keep them faithful.

Some do it just because the oppotunity comes up.

I don't just mean that brazen - my X had all of the love and support etc that I could give him, he had the freedom to do as he wished with his job etc and I supported him, up rooted and left my family for him. etc. but he was abusive (so it's better for me this way) - but given the choice I am of the view that marriage is for life, would I choose to leave my H if we were still together - NO, (I would if he was physically abusive, sexually abusive (for all his faults I know for a fact 100% he wouldn't do that) or cheated on me - (well he did but only found out about 10 months after we split for sure). But on the other hand would I go out
side the marriage and seek something elsewhere - NO because he is my husband. simple.

an emotional affair does just as much damage as a physical one. either way it destroys the partners who are left picking up the pieces.

That is sad Spandex and heartbreaking when you know you have done all you can

I can honestly say that I don't think that human beings were designed to be together forever, I mean what makes you happy now isn't what made you happy 10 years ago or what will make you happy in 10 years time. People, ideas, hobbies, relationships, tastes, wants and wishes all change as we develop and mature.

I just wish i'd have known that before we married

yes granted and i understand that, but it's how you change and grow together that counts.

maybe i'm naive yes, a romantic to boot, but I really don't see it.

guess it's easy for both sides to condemn the other.

Hecate just to point out that I am not going out with a man who is married I said I have been a mistress before and it was fun merely pointing out why single women would join such a site as it has benefits to be with a man in a relationship so dont have a hissy fit

Also Blinkieblink asked if I knew how it felt to be cheated on I said I didnt as no man I have been in a relationship has ever felt the need to cheat on me as I give them all they need Hmm

brazenhussy

you sound like my mother
trapped in a relationship with a good father but emotionally absent husband whose outlook and life changed dramatically over 10 yrs of marriage

she had an affair for a few years

we children were blissfully unaware and happy for years, until my father found out

outlook on life

well until your do know snowhite - I suggest you have no grounds on which to be so smug about you giving a man everything he wants - as I say - have been there and done it - oh wait there thats right the women who XH went off with was like you wonder if he'll do the same to her - probably but it's not my concern and tbh as petty as this sounds they deserve each otehr and I hope he does do it to her so she knows exactly how it feels.

Spandex - my sister has been through what you have and even though I have not experienced it myself, I know what it does to a person. I cant imagine what type of person you must be not to even consider that you might be destroying someone elses life! I hope things are all better for you now...and most times the XH will do the same to the OW.

Well SpandexisMyEnemy I am sorry your XH ran off with someone I am no way ever going allow a man to treat me like that as for the likes of me I was 17 at the time when I was a mistress and was with the guy for 2 years it was fun exciting but when he finished with his XP it was just not the same and I knew he would do the same to me so i finished with him its not always the mistresses fault I was pointing out why alot of people do get into relationships with married men and the benefits of it don't Crucify me I didnt sleep with ya XH I can see why this is a senstive topic for u thou

Theres always two sides of the story and not one of the two can soley be blamed, however...if you are married, you have made a commitment. Otherwise, what the point?

age is irrelevant - if you know someone is married it does't matter if you are 17 or 71!

I blame my XH as much as her - does she shoulder more of my anger yes I think so - while he was married to me she knowingly chased a married man. and lets be honest about it (my anger for XH stems from the POV of if he's offered it on a plate would any man really refuse it??) most would think twice if not act on it I think. yes that makes my XH a bastard as well - but then again waht does it make her?

Well you do not know the circumstances behind my relationship with him I was 17 he was 28 and chased me young puppy love I suppose plus I was trying to get away from my ex.

To be fair I have been a child in a breakup with my father cheating on my Mother men do take whats on offer but then they should control themselves and I think if you deeply love and care about someone your head would not be turned as for her they are as bad as each other but you dont know what he was saying to her to get her into bed and did you catch him out or did he leave you for her as alot of the time the mistress gets told alot of shit pardon my language about the Wifes and girlfriends how terrible they are so they get the pity party. I think if alot more mistresses and wifes sat down and talked they would both work out that men like your XH are pigs and full of shit

no and you don't know that of mine - to say

' By snowwhite24 on Mon 11-Aug-08 16:25:47
Why is that Blinkieblink???? Have you never been with a Man that has been in a relationship b4? Your right I don't know what something like that can do to someone because I keep my Man satisfied so he don't have to look for next woman to please him I give him all he needs and he has a smile on his face. I mean lets face it women that have got cheating DH DP Obv aint doing something right in there relationship stop nagging your men and give them some love instead your find that not only do they not stray but they are at your mercy and are willing to do almost anything for you'

I find quite offensive & insulting and i'm sorry to sound so aggressive towards you but really your ideals here are not as simple as you would like to think. this is what's got me so uptight.

oh I know he's full of shite - he will have fed her the she doesn't understand me line. she has been the sweetness and light thruout all - end of the day all that matters are the consequences that having an affair with a married person leaves. esp when there's children involved.

as I said I don't 'see' the attraction - truely I don't - and i'm afraid pig headed or not and this will prob offend but a person (male of female) who looks for someone who's married/long term attached - well tbh i'd have to question their standards of morals.

Well to start with mine was not married but was with living with someone but he told me from day dot that he didnt want to be with her and it was over between them this continued for 2 years he also fed me alot of shit about how selfish she was etc to the point I hated her for the way she treated him.....

To be fair alot of women on Mums net always seem to be complaining about lack of this and that in there marriages or with there partner well do something about it marriage is based on two people that fill complete and together with each other so no one should be able to break it you have to work at everything in life so abit of elbow grease some good communcation skills and away you go.

Not everyone would see the attraction of a married man and sometimes it does not work out so simple but I can see why alot of single women would go for a married man as thats when a man is at his sweetest and he is generous kind you get the love and attention you need without the baggage even thou if you do get too emotionally involved in a married man be prepared to be heart broken because 9 out of 10 men would not leave there wives unless they were caught out and thrown out

Also note to all I do not make a habit of sleeping or being with married men I have just experianced it :-D

O to point out I do keep my man satisfid happy and content so they have no reason to cheat on me so no I do not know what its like to be cheated on

snowwhite- you appear to have a very simplistic view on all of this and somewhat shallow too- if you head is turned by a married man who is "at his sweetest". You also seem to get some kind of thrill out of calling yourself a "mistress" as if it has some kind of status!

You were just 17 and you don't sound much older now, tbh.

I hope that your partner is as happy with you as you think he is- do you not think that women whose husbands have affairs also think that everything in the garden is rosy? You seem to imply that men only look elsewhere if they are not being given everything they want at home- well,that might be so, but I bet their wives think they are being given everything they want.

i'm glad that's not just me then GND.

think I should bow out of this thread really.

No it' s not just you spandex.

I think it is harder to respond to posts like this unemotionally if you have been hurt- and I am sorry you have.

However, I also think that "smug" is a word that may describe snow white's attitude.

I also think it is simplistic and naiive to think that because in your opinion you are giving a partner everything they want, then you are "safe".

I am not anti affairs per se as many on here are- I can see that in some instances they may even help a rocky marriage through bad times- if they are discreet, though rarely not without fallout and pain for those involved.

However, it does annoy me when people take the attitude "It will never happen to me because I do all the right things to keep a man"! or that they like going out with married/committed men because they like all the attention given to them.

snowwhite will have a long way to fall when that high horse she is on bucks her off, i think

it is over confident to think that it will never happen to you just because you think you do all the right things, and patronising to other women to assume they didn't

i am sure there are a million women who thought that too until they found out they were being cheated on

mummynewname - i would love an update on how your 'illicit affair' is going? Is all still ok?

Message withdrawn

hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

I can't wait til snow white catches her dh in bed with the 7 dwarves