Single Dad needs some help?

[Cotsta]

I?m new to Mumsnet and only registered today, (I hope you don?t mind a guy on this website). I?ve only just worked out what all the abbreviations like DC, DH, MIL etc. are so go easy on me ;-)

OK, here?s my story?

I?m 31, and have a two year old son that I love dearly and who lives with me. My ex-fiancé had an affair with a Kiwi guy she met at night school and now lives in New Zealand with him. We haven?t heard from her in over six months now and she didn?t even send my son a birthday card last month so I added ?and Mummy? to my card even though I can?t stand her, and told him that one of the presents i bought him were from her.

I have brought my son up for the last year on my own, which has been pretty tough but very rewarding; I work full time and don?t seem to have the opportunity to have any kind of social life for myself. My son is my world and everything I do revolves around him, I like it this way and am happy most of the time.

I?ve kept in contact with some friends but I find it hard to tell them everything I feel and simply pretend that life is great when in fact some times I?m crumbling on the inside. I guess most blokes are not very good talking about ?feelings?.

Recently I?ve been worrying that:

A) I would find it hard to let someone in our lives and trust them
B) I?ll never find someone special who would be willing to take a single father on
C) I'll never find someone who will understand that my son will always come first
D) She will come back and take my son from me
E) She will take him to New Zealand

The thought of meeting someone new is exciting, but the truth is I never really have any time and don?t really trust babysitters as he is so young, plus he hates it when I leave him (screamed the house down on the one occasion I did).

Are there any other single fathers/mothers out there in a similar situation and how do you cope with dating or having a social life of your own?

I don't mean to moan because i know how lucky i am but its just another Friday night, at home on my own, with my best little bud asleep upstairs.

Cotsta. Personally, I wouldn't think he'd be too young at all! Top tips, if you don't find the idea offensive....

Sheepskins instead of rollmats make for one snuggly bed! For adults and spawn alike. I also took along a mini padlock to deter midnight escapee's with the potential for overtired-single-parentism at an all time high!

Have toyed with the idea of getting one of those portable puppy crates.....

Well done, Cotsta! You're getting a little further this time ...

Jesus, laundry - He has more clothes that i do and thats the truth. I'll have to smarten up soon or he'll be taking me shopping to sort myself out...

ffs sake Desi
If it his him, perhaps he's learnt his lesson as he's behaving in a much more considered way this time.

And I was suggesting the festival idea to Ate actually, not Costa.

Pillock, it's a deal

The lone-parent festival meet up sounds like a great idea! I will by then be inundated blessed with four young 'uns and a tent big enough to accomodate us all but too big to fit in the boot of my car, no doubt. Can't wait!

Nothing like adding a little mayhem to the madness occasionally, to desensitise oneself to the havoc of everyday life

Pillock

For goodness sakes, it's bloody obvious.

Excellent!

If you've got 4 it'll make me feel like my 2 are a walk in the park

Desi
Does it concern you? No. Are we all grown-ups? Yes. Can we make our own opinions? Yes. Did you behave like this towards the 'regular' male poster that really was using the site to prey on vunerable women? No.

So please leave those of us who have advice on being Single parents to talk amoungst ourselves.

Oh haaar! Though I'm sure you're right

(Thinks portable dog crate is a wonderful idea. Shall covertly climb in upon arrival and watch the fun from the safety of its innards )

Ohhh, OK Pillock.

You go ahead.

Safety? Yeah right! The terror that is my smallest would find sticks to poke you with, mud to throw at you, food to taunt you with....

No, much better idea to put all the children in the crate and enjoy ourselves

Ate - Where would i buy a sheepskin to sleep on, i've never seen one in a camping shop but i must have been distracted by the bunsen burners... or 'camping grills' as the pros call them.

Aha! But I did not ignore you, you see? I was holding you in reserve ...

Acksherly, I'm off to bed myself now. It is a tad late, after all.

I'll speak to you tomorrow, KM

Good luck, Cotsca. You're getting much further this time

AAARRRGH

I give up.

Ate - I'll start a thread in the Lone Parents section tomorrow, see how many others would be up for a camping trip.

Costa - if you are genuine, please stay and post on other threads on Mumsnet, it is a great support. I would advise against starting any with Single dad in the title again though

twigs/mud/food cravings! You're quite right. I couldn't possibly spend day one one day of a festy in that state!

I have an alternative plan! Tell the children the tents needs pushing up from the inside, usher them in and count the blobs regularly until completion.

Tent up, children accounted for, in theory.

He posted it under Relationships.

There's your clue ....

In theory.....
something tells me that the practice of camping with children in tow will deviate quite severely from theory at a very early point

I'm bored of this.

Ate, please come and chat to me here

Desi, in the nicest possible way, please don't

Cotsta, I get mine from a tannery. The ones I use for camping are a fiver apiece and need airing (ideally outside) before first use. Prices and quality go up from there but I would recommend a tannery for knowledge and value above any other outlet.

I don't know that they're commonly used for camping TBH but I consider mine a worthy investment! They are incredibly light and pliable enough to be folded or rolled into a managable form of camping gear.

(They're also great for lining wheelbarrows to push children 'round festys in but that's a whole other tangent!)

Pillock, I'll keep an eye out for the thread

Desi, absolutely agree with you. On one thing at least... bedtime!

Crikey - A Tannery, i've never been to any before but game for a laugh. I'll post something if me and Harry make it to one. Sounds expensive though...

ate - what tannery???? sheepskins for a fiver sounds like a bargain and I have no idea where I'd start finding them

This has 6 pages? I can't get over the 5th! My boyfriend is a single parent with a nanny/aupair and he has a lot of difficulty juggling everything. Most of the time he comes to me (2 hours away by train).. that way he gets a bit of peace and quiet! LOL. (Even tho I have a 10 year old daughter, she can occupy herself and give space). It does get easier Costa (whatever yr name is), I have been through all those difficult clingy stages and it does eventually ease up a bit. We get together all 4 or us sometimes and its nice but I find he has a stricter time routine than me and we don't knit on that bit (earlier bedtimes and doesn't like his little boy snacking on silly stuff etc) but thats because he's a first born, only born, and unlike me have 3 kids (two fully grown up and independant) so I've been there and done that - am more relaxed about things) but he's cool and we do have a good bond between us (and humour over our failings etc)... it'll come about believe me.