Single Dad needs some help?

[Cotsta]

I?m new to Mumsnet and only registered today, (I hope you don?t mind a guy on this website). I?ve only just worked out what all the abbreviations like DC, DH, MIL etc. are so go easy on me ;-)

OK, here?s my story?

I?m 31, and have a two year old son that I love dearly and who lives with me. My ex-fiancé had an affair with a Kiwi guy she met at night school and now lives in New Zealand with him. We haven?t heard from her in over six months now and she didn?t even send my son a birthday card last month so I added ?and Mummy? to my card even though I can?t stand her, and told him that one of the presents i bought him were from her.

I have brought my son up for the last year on my own, which has been pretty tough but very rewarding; I work full time and don?t seem to have the opportunity to have any kind of social life for myself. My son is my world and everything I do revolves around him, I like it this way and am happy most of the time.

I?ve kept in contact with some friends but I find it hard to tell them everything I feel and simply pretend that life is great when in fact some times I?m crumbling on the inside. I guess most blokes are not very good talking about ?feelings?.

Recently I?ve been worrying that:

A) I would find it hard to let someone in our lives and trust them
B) I?ll never find someone special who would be willing to take a single father on
C) I'll never find someone who will understand that my son will always come first
D) She will come back and take my son from me
E) She will take him to New Zealand

The thought of meeting someone new is exciting, but the truth is I never really have any time and don?t really trust babysitters as he is so young, plus he hates it when I leave him (screamed the house down on the one occasion I did).

Are there any other single fathers/mothers out there in a similar situation and how do you cope with dating or having a social life of your own?

I don't mean to moan because i know how lucky i am but its just another Friday night, at home on my own, with my best little bud asleep upstairs.

and jeez, Desi, having a penis isn't a crime just yet.

Don't bite, German.

He's fishing/phishing. Leave the freak alone.

No probs, i realise that i've prob invaded a female only site so was prepared for some adverse comments. I'm not easily offended.

Was just afer some good advice. I'll start looking into the legalities on Monday though - thank you to those that posted.

I feel invaded

"It must take a pretty weird person to try for a date on a website dedicated to mums."

lol. Wouldn't it be a fairly obvious starting point?

Men are more than welcome here. I just recognise your posting style .. everybody being unique and all.

I'm glad you got some good advice.

Just one more thing. In your OP, you said that you don't trust babysitters, and he hates it when you leave him as he screamed the house down on the one occasion when you did.

And yet ... you have a full time job, so how does that square?

I'm torn between simply ignoring you Desiderata and responding. I've chosen to respond simply out of respect for those that have given me some sound advice today.

My son goes to a nursery called Leapfrog during the day and has bonded with a girl there named Sarah who is very good with him. He gets very grumpy and tired in the evening though which puts a bit of a strain on me leaving him alone.

Bed time for me now. Thanks again to those that posted earlier.

Stupot

Well, you might of course be correct, however, you might also be wrong. Thats all I am saying.

As for your question about babysitters etc.. I think I can answer that

My niece is looked after by a Nanny every day, yet cannot bare the few ( literally 3 ) babysitters my DB & SIL have tried to leave her with. She is 3 now and still gets hysterical. He also works full time, as does her mum. I babysit, ( or another family member) or the Nanny does, otherwise they don't go out, she gets too distressed. NO idea why, but she does. hope she will grow out of it soon!

so what happened last time with the infiltrator.???

cotsta, if it's not you, then come back and let us nkow how you are doing.

Hmm .... a lot of nursery staff are not averse to babysitting providing that you pay them sufficiently. How about asking 'Sarah' if she fancies doing some paid babysitting?

This may be the best solution - your son has someone he knows and trusts to care for him, and you have a childcare profesisonal doing the caring.

I have all your worries too Cotsta And my ex lives 5 minutes away....

Plus I have an added one.. as a single mum to two kids how the hell do I take them camping (cheap holiday as single parent and poor!) watch them (both under 5) put up tent and cook meals as a single responsible entity?

Being a single parent is tough But oh so worth it.

Saw a dating site called loopylove advertised on facebook, so far it appears to have 'normal' people on it!

Hey Piratecat, back again. Little man just woke me up and now i can't sleep. Not even my pre-recorded Matrix box set can send me to sleep now. [yawn]

What DVDs send you to sleep (answers to all)...

lunavix - you have the added advantange of being female so the law is in your favour, but i doubt this is a soap box to express my views on male rights...

In respect of camping, I love it (plus brothers). I can't wait to take my best bud with me (as soon as he is able to cope with the hot/cold nights my guess is about 3.5 years old) night fishing or camping.

Camping is the best for kids, they have so much fun, imagine a field, no boundary no limits, run as fast and as far as want...

Oh dear i'm obviously knackered, sorry...

hey there just wanted you to know that i think you're doing a fab job bringin ur little bud up on your own, it is no walk in the park.
I have been single for 3 months and have a fab family and friends network, and i totally understand the feeling of loneliness...we are all human after all....and i dont miss ex i just miss a man.
You're little boy is lucky to have a dad like you, your conscience is clear....do agree with looking into the legalities.....and also you little man will soon adapt to being babysat....they jusy know how to pull on the heartstrings......................................................btw i watch uncle buck to get me to sleep

Uncle Buck...lol

John Candy, Splash, Planes, Trains and Automobiles but my all time fav Brewster's Millions. If only...

hello Cotsta - blimey you have had a lot of shit haven't you.but bet your wee bud loves you

Cor!all the big questiosn are there too

be reassured you are trying and doing your best, with no one to actually say "well done mate". Bummer eh

but your wee man will appreciate you all the
stories
cuddles
park time
Most of all you wonderful fabby you

dont know what to say about the big questions

too late
i am drunk
i am tired
going to bed

I have to disagree with Desi and UD on this one actually, I've read the previous threads as they happened, and the posting style of this one seems different to me.

We're not this judgemental of married fathers that choose to come to Mumsnet for advice (even though there have been those that have used it as a dating site ...) so why do we have to be so harsh on every single father that posts?

LOL - thank you ScottishMummy

I know he loves me and so do i him, the hugs make it all worth it.

I'm running out of stories thought (apart from book ones). Is it ok to talk about myself without talking about 'mummy'?

As much as i detest her surely a balance is required?

FWIW, your DS is probably old enough to camp now! If it's something you enjoy and something he probably will, go for it.

(Took mine to their first festival when (then) youngest was two and a half. Best mate was there too, with her 2 month old . All children lasted all five days with boundless energy and interest in all things..... all adults were fecked.)

Things will get easier in time. There are thousands of us in similar positions, sometimes it's hard but it's always worth it, isn't it

very true Ate, doesn't matter how tough it is, one look at their smiling faces and it is totally worth it

final shout Cotsta .
2 top stories

gruffalo
hairy maclary

parenting is about unconditional love, tons of laundry, and just being there, and frequently feeling gawd i am so inadequate (anyone who alludes to cruising is lying)

BUT your wee man will really appreciate and loves you

Really - I thought maybe he was too young to camp??? I'd love to take him this Summer.

Why thank you Pillock. Though I reserve the right (to beg) to be reminded of that, sporadically, over the coming months. If you would be so kind

am going to innocent festival and Van the man with LO.never too young to be tofu warrior

not been camping...never say never

Of course, on the understanding that when you see my threads with AAAARGH in the title you remind me of the same

I'd love to take my two to a festival, did think about doing it this year, but the putting up a tent whilst keeping track of the scarily speedy 15mth old put me off!

Perhaps we should arrange an MN Lone-parent and children festival trip next year?!