Single Dad needs some help?

[Cotsta]

I?m new to Mumsnet and only registered today, (I hope you don?t mind a guy on this website). I?ve only just worked out what all the abbreviations like DC, DH, MIL etc. are so go easy on me ;-)

OK, here?s my story?

I?m 31, and have a two year old son that I love dearly and who lives with me. My ex-fiancé had an affair with a Kiwi guy she met at night school and now lives in New Zealand with him. We haven?t heard from her in over six months now and she didn?t even send my son a birthday card last month so I added ?and Mummy? to my card even though I can?t stand her, and told him that one of the presents i bought him were from her.

I have brought my son up for the last year on my own, which has been pretty tough but very rewarding; I work full time and don?t seem to have the opportunity to have any kind of social life for myself. My son is my world and everything I do revolves around him, I like it this way and am happy most of the time.

I?ve kept in contact with some friends but I find it hard to tell them everything I feel and simply pretend that life is great when in fact some times I?m crumbling on the inside. I guess most blokes are not very good talking about ?feelings?.

Recently I?ve been worrying that:

A) I would find it hard to let someone in our lives and trust them
B) I?ll never find someone special who would be willing to take a single father on
C) I'll never find someone who will understand that my son will always come first
D) She will come back and take my son from me
E) She will take him to New Zealand

The thought of meeting someone new is exciting, but the truth is I never really have any time and don?t really trust babysitters as he is so young, plus he hates it when I leave him (screamed the house down on the one occasion I did).

Are there any other single fathers/mothers out there in a similar situation and how do you cope with dating or having a social life of your own?

I don't mean to moan because i know how lucky i am but its just another Friday night, at home on my own, with my best little bud asleep upstairs.

Is this Cotsta?

Cotsta there are groups for single Dads out there, don't know if you would want to try one.
Agree totally re the parental responsibility order: sort it.
Re babysitting, presumably your son is looked after in a nursery or by a childminder while you work? Someone who looks after him during the day could babysit and he would be OK. It's fairly normal for two year olds to not want to be left by their parents for the evening. I remember standing outside my own front door with dh some years ago, tucking little fingers back inside the door so we could close it while the boy screamed through the letterbox. But we needed a break, and our babysitter told us he was always smiley and happy within 3 minutes or so of us going out. He's 10 now, and has no memories of that.

LOL - close, i recently bought a similar helmet (for my son).

at my cynicism Desi.

So who looks after your kid, andy Cotsta, when you're at work all day?

cotsta i love being single in the main. just take some time to chill out enjoy being a dad and have some fun!!!

..

cotsta, I suspect part of what you're feeling is what all of us feel:

the sheer terror of having this tiny little being totally dependant on us for everything. The enormous responsibility of keeping this little human safe. The fears and worries for the future - yours and his.

I think all parents feel that, single, married, divorced, gay, straight, whatever.
That's why mumsnet is so useful!!!

Being a parent is tough...and rewarding and we're all here for each other so keep posting!!!

spill the beans desi and ud - d'you know cotsta in rl, or do you think he's up to no good!?

I think you're feeling LP Paranoia (sp?) - I know every time I mention anything negative about my parenting or my life to anyone, some small part of me wonders if it could be used against me in a custody battle. And I don't drink, smoke, take drugs - in fact I haven't left the house for non work or child related activities since my daughter was born. And you too sound like a respectable sort of chap, your ex has left for the other side of the world without a backward glance and you're coping. I think you'd have a pretty watertight case if she ever came back.

As for meeting someone, it sounds like if the reaction on here is anything to go by you'll be grand. Now if only you had a foxy brother in Devon I'd be sorted.....

He's up to no good

I think this is someone who posts about once every six months, always with a different name .. and he never responds when he's been rumbled.

Either way, the guy would be better off on an internet dating site.

Zat right? My Fuckwit Radar is at the menders, has been for a while now. Shame on you Mr Costa, single parents are a supportive bunch I've found - it's not nice to take the mick.

of course it may not be.. it might actually be a single dad, who wants some advice... maybe...? have you cynical folks considered this?

God forbid should anyone be i this situation, come on here, want some help/advice and be genuine.

I hate that about here sometimes. The instant, automatic cynical stance taken. He could actually be genuine, and now will not return for fear of interrogation.

I don't intend to offend, it just really gets to me. Why not give people the benefit of the doubt, for a decent amount of time before accusations fly about?

I fact, not for a decent amount of time.. until such time its is definite that they are not genuine, perhaps?

rumble rumble

bloody hell, my arsing N key is missing, its really p'ing me off now If I dont hit it with ridiculous force, it dosn't work. bugger. Excuse my lack of N's!

Have just read this whole thread, and have to say I am a bit

I'll tell you why, susie.

Because I'm 43 and I've been around the block a few times: because I recognise this bloke's MO: and lastly, and most importantly, it might not be you he's wanting to hit on ...

Steer well clear, ladies.

I can't remember, but he posted that pic of himself on his profile, didn't he?

I think he thought he was good-looking, although he looked like a weasel. And it probably wasn't him anyway. The real him probably wears long white socks.

OMFG Desiderata, are you serious?

Report to MNHQ???

Given the number of people on here, I can understand some thinking i'm not genuine (I think?!?!) but its not like i've asked for names and numbers...

It must take a pretty weird person to try for a date on a website dedicated to mums... (although it sounds like you have experienced some bad apples)...

Desiderata - what do you mean it 'may not be you he's wanting to hit on?'

Oh, I get it. Barf.

He's gone a bit silent....

Cotsta, forgive the troll hunting, we do get some real beardy weirdies late at night.