I have started to think DH may be having an affair.

[nnamechanger]

Reasons

1. he has lost a bit of weight recently.
2. he has started going to the gym 3-4 times a week.
3. he keeps his phone on silent.
4. he goes "out for a drink after work" maybe once a week.
5. he goes "to practice his golf" 3 times a week.
6. he is'nt as interested in sex as he used to be.

tbh doesnt sound conclusive - its very easy to forget to switch phone over .. and the gym thing is quite common -esp if you hit a certain age ( dh got really diligent in mid 30s when realised weight didnt just drop off and started knowing people who had heart attacks etc). And losing weight/being fitter defo confidence booster.

I would just talk to him

DP's phone is always on silent, because he takes calls about work and hates it if they ring him at home or during a meeting, which means he is always checking his phone!

He recently started playing squash with a friend and meeting his mate for drinks, so when he told me he was going out next week i said i'd go with him and ask his mum to babysit. It was obvious from his reaction that he didn't want me to go but said ok anyway. When I asked why he looked bothered apparently his friends all think he is under the thumb so he would be embarrassed turning up with me on a lads night out.

Some men change just through new male friends, has he become closer to any men?

That makes a lot of sense, VS.

I am going to pick up DH tonight but not in a sneaky way. I will talk to him tonight.

Thanks VS

CD - I meant to say - i didn't know about your traumatic birth. Sorry to hear about that (I don't know how I didn't know that)

also if he was friends with a new bloke this bloke could be in better shape than him.

The working out thing could even be insecurity that he isn't what he used to be and is just as worried about you cheating as him!

I hope it's something as innocent, I really do.

FWIW, my ex cheated, loads, it was a totally different reaction if I questioned his whereabouts, plus I think you can tell if your dp/h is hiding something, not necessarily what, but normally you know the truth when you see it. DP was so embarrassed about telling me what his mates had said.

I think that is it - we are all hoping it is innocent and it most likely is - but if there is a niggling feeling it is there for a reason, it may just be something silly but us women usually know and suss it out sooner or later.

I collected him from the pub last night and he was stood outside so I have no idea who he was with

And last night in bed he totally jumped me - and um... seemed very confident and did lots of new things. Maybe I should just enjoy and make the most of his new slimline bod...

Why won't this niggle go away though

Lots of new things??? Hmmmm...

Yes thats what I thought.

If I was cynical I'd say perhaps he is honing up new skills...

New as in NEVER done them with you before or just not for a long time..?

Never.

Nmaechanger saw this yesterday hoping you had had your mind put at rest today.
Did you speak to him ?

Did you mention this to him at all (afterwards)?
Could just be that he's working with a bloke who's always waxing lyrical about his sex life and your DP suddenly feels that he has been a bit 'tame'?

Maybe he was drinking with male friends last night and they gave him some tips.

No, I didn't speak to him since he had been drinking at the pub - ie he was a teeny bit drunk.

That could be the reason - he has lots of mates and it could have been a topic of conversation. Also maybe being a bit drunk made him braver/more confident cos heis kind of shy at times, even with me.

Well i suppose after yesterday that's number 6 concern sorted.
Might just be worth trying to say you feel like you have grown apart lately but last night was really nice. Maybe suggest joining him in pub next time etc.
Sounds like the drink made him a little more confident but also the gym etc. might be making him feel more confident too.
Hope it isn't what you fear but better to address it if not directly sooner rather than later imo.

A male fried had an affair recently and all these signs were there. His partner asked him outright and he denied all. 2 weeks later he confessed. If all this is new behaviour, I'd have a niggle too.

We all do it, talk to the girls and get a few ideas and then try them on our man that night. I know I do. I really don't think he is cheating but if you still have concerns, talk to him, I don't think he will get mad, he will probably smile at you and say you are silly, of course not

I really hope your dh isn't having an affair but the fact that you are thinking that it might be possible means that you need to find out for sure one way or another. My dh had an affair years ago which I never suspected but after it all came out I realised that he was doing all of the things you listed in op and tbh I should have realised sooner what was going on - at the time I put it down to work pressure etc but it turned out that I was being v.naive.

Only you know how he is likely to react if you confront him - if he is innocent then you risk ruining the trust in your relationship for nothing. Sadly I think you need to be a bit sneaky in finding out/putting your mind at rest.

Yes that is the exact reason I am afraid to confront him - I don't want to ruin any trust we have. I don't want him to think I don't trust him. If none of this is true he would be very upset I even considered this/

Well in that case it sounds like you may need to be a bit creative in trying to find out one way or the other - not an easy challenge but needs must. Mobile phone is probably the easiest place to start IMO. Let us know how you get on - I really hope that this is just something and nothing

Tell him you want to take up golf and watch his face

Tell him you want to take up golf and watch his face

I am sorry and I do hope you are wrong - but IME the "niggle" says more than anything ...I had my "niggle" for months and I did ask openly if he had someone else - we were having problems and I said I would rather know so we could move on and sort it out - he denied it over and over again.....until I found out he was... right from when my "niggle" began

How did you find out?

You'd have to put it to the male mners but I really don't think men discuss sex and how to do it! - exchange tips, compare their performance? I have never known a group of men to do that. Really. Women do, but ime men don't.
"Well Bob, if you're worried about coming too soon, squeeze the end of your knob."
"Sorry to hear she's not coming, John. Have you tried coital alignment, so you're pressing on her clit? That always works for me and Debbie."

It doesn't happen.