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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP husband decided no longer loves me!

118 replies

Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 11:29

Seriously in need of some support and advice, dh has decided after 12 years of marriage and 2 children (aged 1 and 3) that he no longer loves me,but won't move out! am devastated, never knew it was possible to love and hate someone so much, any advice on things I should be doing to protect my rights would be appreciated.(sad)

OP posts:
lowcalCOD · 04/02/2005 13:31

done say sadly for him
np grrr he is hte enemy

lowcalCOD · 04/02/2005 13:31

dont

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:31

I'm moving when (not if like he thinks) we sell the house

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:32

I really wish I could see him as the enemy, I feel like such a doormat

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Beetroot · 04/02/2005 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lowcalCOD · 04/02/2005 13:34

bus stop
pah

lowcalCOD · 04/02/2005 13:34

I knwo its a cliche but...

MEN!

kazza3 · 04/02/2005 13:34

Just reat your message I went through exactly the same and I moved out with kids back to mums wot a mistake !!!!!! You have to go to CAB or sols and you can take him to court to get him out of the house. Sounds as though he wants to move his fancy woman in. Its all very well him saying you get rehoused but councils cant just produce houses out of thin air and instead they will stick you in a B & B which is not fair on the kids!! The very least he could do is move into a cheap bedsit and rent it out. He wants to avoid courts cos they cost but most of the times if you are going to get a good deal they are the best place to go also are you entitled to legal aid ???

lou33 · 04/02/2005 13:34

I think he is being unneccessarily cruel to you. Don't you dare move out, let him.

So sorry you are going trhough this

Lucycat · 04/02/2005 13:35

You've every right to be furious with him. My friend made her Dh move out into a caravan last week as the flat that SHE found for him to live in wasn't ready yet! He now comes round to see their ds's (aged 5 & 2) and she can't bear to be in the same room as him. Whatever you do DON'T leave the house - he may well change the locks!! and your children need as much stability as possible. Can you get some free legal advice - just to put yourself in a stronger position.

lowcalCOD · 04/02/2005 13:36

aha lucy wheres your thread?
i want to ask you whats happening

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:36

Yes I am entitled to legal aid as I don't work (he wanted me to stay at home and look after our kids) have tried to get weekend work but his job involves weekends too so.......

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kazza3 · 04/02/2005 13:37

Also if you move out the council may not rehouse you cos you are making yourself homeless. What borough do you live in ? Also as you own your house the council may not help cos they will look at you as being financially secure. Have you spoken to the council

kazza3 · 04/02/2005 13:38

Have you been to sols

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:41

We do own our own house, the council said as soon as house on the market I can put myself on the list, I live in Colchester at the moment.

OP posts:
lulupop · 04/02/2005 13:41

very sorry to hear of this horrible thing happening to you. I just thought I should let you know that, re the house, he cannot expect to keep it and have you go. I am thinking about leaving my husband and have seen a solicitor re my rights recently. Like you, we are married and have 2 children aged 3 and 9 months. We own our house jointly. The solicitor told me that in the event of separation/divorce, the courts would award me residence of the children and that I would therefore a) retain the house (if there was enough money for him to get somewhere else) or b)retain the bulk of the proceeds of any sale in order to rehouse myself and the children. As far as the court is concerned, the wellbeing of the children is paramount, and you, as their mother, would be living with them (unless there was some v gd reason why you cld be deemed unfit).

So, if he wants to go, then let him bloody well go. Frankly, if he expects to be able to announce that he doesn't love you, so, errr, please could you move out and take our kids so that I can shack up with some woman I just met, then he isn't worth the time of day. I know you won't feel like that right now, but I cannot believe what some men expect to get away with!

Make an appointment to see a solicitor to get your full position clear. Generally the first apppointment is either free, or inexpensive, and you tell them the ins and outs of your situation and they give you a clear idea of your options. Then you can tell him exactly where to shove it if he starts pressuring you to leave your family home.

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:42

Hsve been to a sol she told me not to move out and referred us to mediation which is next thurs

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Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:46

Lulupop, sorry to hear that you are having a rough time of it too! sounds like you have a good solicitor, I am hoping that he will agree with what I want which is 70% of the equity in the house to use as a deposit and the amount he will be paying for maintenance/child support to cover the mortgage paymnents

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Lucycat · 04/02/2005 13:47

You sound anything but a doormat sharon! you are doing the right things that everyone is suggesting and your emotions must be all over the place too. Have you got friends close by too? I know we are here but you need to rant / scream / cry on a real shoulder too! It sounds hard but when he moves out (make him!!) you can start to think about the future - be strong. {{{Hugs}}}

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 13:48

Yes I've got some really good friends I can rely on , and both his and my parents have been excellent, his parents still don't understand what's happening

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Lucycat · 04/02/2005 13:53

Is that because they don't know all the details of his bus stop romance?........ of course if they were to ask you more about what's going on, then it's not a secret is it? Do you want to mediation to work or do you just want to get rid of him now?

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 14:05

I want rid now!!! and no his parents don't know about Mrs bus stop, he says that's not the main issue ........ Mediation is to sort out the finances etc so I'm hoping it will give him the push to get sorted, I know he can't afford to rent anywhere at the moment as all cash and salary tied up in paying for this house

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kazza3 · 04/02/2005 14:08

Why cant he move out to friends and also wot does Mrs Bus Stop's husband think about wots going on ?? If I was you I would have stormed round there and told him wot she has been up to. Also how are the kids coping??

Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 14:11

He has no friends!! no her husband doesn't know, but nor does she he hasn't told her his feelings and yes |I do believe him (so far)

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Original poster
Sharon1972 · 04/02/2005 14:12

kids blissfully unaware as the hardly see him anyway as he doesn't spend much time with them

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