have you ever been the other woman??

[pokerstraight]

if so do you regret it?
how did it turn out?
did you end up with the person or did you end things and if so why?
was the person married or did they have children?

can i hijack - could anyone jump on my thread on lone parents (imaginatively titled aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghh) i could really do with some sensible advise meself right now.

Well I consider that I am able to look at things in a fairly dispassionate way as I am reunited with my dh several years post affair, and I have a (much loved) brother whose relationship slowly died but rather than move on stayed for his ds and found solace elsewhere (long story). Both stories involved a great deal of pain all round and I fundamentally believe you either make the relationship you are in work, or end it before starting a new one, and that you certainly don't seek out new one when things get tough. I would never ever get involved with someone who I knew was in a relationship and if they spilled their heart to me I would be very very careful not to step over the boundary from supportive friend to emotional (let alone sexual) support. Too complicated, too much pain likely for myself et alone other people. Affairs never lead to amicable splits IME. Quite different if you agree to part ways (however painfully) and they then find someone new. When I found out about dh's affair I did wish he was dead because at least I would have been able to grieve for him. It's fair enough to say everyone has a choice, but I did not choose for my dh to have an affair. He did, and his mistress chose to be a part of that. I just had to live with the consequences (and so did he).

Message withdrawn

Well it just demonstrates the disconnection between emotions and opinions doesn't it?

You can't control emotions, you construct your opinions on what you want to be corrent not necessarily what is...

i think thats a good point but you dont necessarily know the outcome do you. particularly at sixteen. all sorts of factors can affect your judgement. i dont regret sleeping with ex i regret the outcome though. although i have to say as much as i am sorry for the pain it caused for all the pain it caused i wouldnt give a second of the love, laughter and good times with him back for anyone. doesnt matter what i think of him now or what i learned later, those times were amazing and even if it was a lie to him it was real to me.i just hope one day i can find someone to share that with all the time who is really mine to love.

OMG!! just seen Quatrocentro's post below. Exactly the same thing happened to me . An unknowing other woman! I'd never touched him with a barge pole, but got a call at work from loony wife years after I last spoke to vague acquintence/friend demanding how long I'd been sleeping with her husband Spooky. The alledged affair wasn't with someone who is a Corp lawyer was it? otherwise I might wonder if we'd heard from the same nutcase wife?

Yes - met a guy through work that I knew was married and had a DS. He told me they were only together for DS for christmas (validated later by his family).

He came on to me one night and I told him I was not prepared to be the other woman in a relationship (although I did kiss him ) we saw each other for a week and then he appeared on my doorstep and announced he had left his wife.

Ten years later we are married and have 2 DS's. I found out she had cheated on him on and off for years before he left her.

Don't regret it but do wish he had been single as life would have been sooo much easier.

Erm GG - the spookeyness continues - yes it was in fact...

Quatro - bl**dy hell shock]. I worked with him, not university friend, but it sounds remarkably similar. It was about 4 years ago