have you ever been the other woman??

[pokerstraight]

if so do you regret it?
how did it turn out?
did you end up with the person or did you end things and if so why?
was the person married or did they have children?

thanks lily. yip me neither mac

Hi Mac just vented on gandf
Says a lot for us Can here TFM step away step away!
GND never going to agree so best to leave it at that!

hear

p.s poker - i notice you zoomed in on the happy ending story for your "personal research project". if you are trying to use a happy ending to justify an affair forget about it love. one. all circumstances are different. two. if he hasnt left her already. and even if he does it wont be sailing into the sunset all rosy cheeked and happy smiles. there is the being named in the divorce, the wondering if he will be faithful to you, the bitterness rightly or wrongly felt by the ex, the fact that if he has kids he will always be part of her life and you have no right o intefere with that providing its reasonable (overnight stays with the ex being unreasonable - sorry got sidetracked. ) the guilt over seperating a family. the fallout if his family dont agree. the list is endless. happy endings are great but they take time and work and effort and i am about to get myself flamed BIG TIME but i will tell you now. the majority of people who prefer to sleep with someone else then work on their marriage are not likely to work any harder with it for you. (please note i do not include people who start relationships at the very end of a relationship already ending or those afraid to leave from abuse or those who got married stupidly young).

No- I am not a champion for the Ow or OM- I just think that no matter what has happened to you personally, you should be able to step outside of that at some point - and that if you REALLY loved the person you have lost, yes, you will grieve over them, BUT you would want them to be happy- even if that was not with you.

i feel that way about my ex actually. finally got there this week but i so understand how some people who have been badly betrayed could not. too hard.

I want my H to be happy...preferably not with me (I don't want him back he wants to come back 2 years later 2 babies later one mine one hers)....her on the other hand I couldn't give 2 hoots whether she drowns in her own vomit

lol. mac no really. hold back. dont say what you think. really dont. is he still with her. i know the other day you said you were still supporting him financially?

Message withdrawn

maybe not naieve dior but certainly a little bit idealistic.

Message withdrawn

'Yes, they should end their marriage first, but like isn't like that'

'if you REALLY loved the person you have lost, yes, you will grieve over them, BUT you would want them to be happy- even if that was not with you.'

As you said life isn't like that !

He says not with her Pretty has his own flat - certainly no signs of a woman last time I was there real bachelor pad...don't really ask don't think I would believe him whatever he said...I know he sees her baby fairly regularly though - I asked for a divorce he asked to come home....cross purposes anyone ???

girlnextdoor i see you say you have had two affairs so i suppose you are the complete opposite of the spectrum to those who have been cheated on so you are never going to meet in the middle.
Maybe if you are ever cheated on you may feel differently ?

lol. reality hitting home methinks mac? suddenly all those boys nights out etc dont look so good when there is noone to come home too.

i think idealistic is better. yes in an ideal world we would all break up, wish our exes good luck, they would see the kids on time, pay a fair amount towards their upbringing and the two families would all go out to lunch on a weekly basis laughing and smiling about how mature we all are.

HOWEVER. it doesnt work that way. that kind of betrayal can take years to get over, if ever. particularly if children are treated badly, not paid for etc.

I think for naiive I'd say realistic and I have not had 2 affairs, read the whole post- they were both emotional ties.

If I am naiive, well you are all bitter nad walking round with enormous chips on your shoulders and victim mentalities.

Ther is no point me persuing this thread- you have your opinions that are based on your experiences, and beacuse you are feeling so emotional you cannot see any other side to it.

girl you know i normally back you thoroughly so please dont take this the wrong way but that was quite insulting. I have been in the position of having a relationship with someone else - do i walk around with a giant chip? i see it very clearly from both sides and neither is nice. for someone without a chip you were very quick to go on the attack then to women who actually considering the content of this thread have really been quite open minded and responsive to one anothers perspective. perhaps if you are inclined to take things so personally it would be better to not become involved in the more emotive discussions on this topic. everyone is allowed an opinion and thats all this is. an opinion. a number of the women here have been betrayed, a raising children alone, in a number of cases too hurt or not in the position to go out and meet someone new. have had to explain to their children wehere daddy is or on the flip side have been the ow and seen the dark side of it. that was a little bit disrespectful. you like everyone else are entitled to an opinion and normally i respect yours completely but bear in mind that in a lot of these posts there is a lot of pain. they dont need judgement.

PLEASE can we try and remember that this is site designed to open all of our minds a little bit more, give us all a forum for our thoughts and opinions but MOST OF ALL TO SUPPORT AND ADVISE ONE ANOTHER.

prettyfly i am glad you said that because i would hate to see what 'we' would be called ''you are all bitter nad walking round with enormous chips on your shoulders and victim mentalities'' if we said that

mmm. it wasnt the most sensible response and tbh i am a bit surprised it happened but once again thats the beauty of mn.

I'm not - GND is one of those who clearly has been fed a line of bull about the evil witch of a wife....and I certainly don't tar all with the same brush (though she might) - I have oodles of respect and sympathy for prettyfly expat et al - OW who have also been hurt but clever enough to see the hurt to all concerned and move on building better lives for themselves...
Considering what my H OW put me through I think I am remarkably calm rational and able to see both sides...
And of course we are all touched/scarred/hurt by our own experiences - but able to learn from them and move on...
I have worked incredibly hard to let go of my anger and bitternes and don't consider myself a victim at all - I have a good life, wonderful healthy happy DD's, a great job I love, amazing friends and family, a beautiful house, and an amicable relationship with the father of my DD's (despite his appaling behaviour and terrible treatment of me)...sorry if I don't feel up to playing happy families with the OW...
And considering my DD1 is tonight with her father who told her about OW baby and happily told me on the phone I now have 2 and a half DD's I think I am being extremely restrained

well done mac. i wondered what you would say about that post - very fair response i would say.

prettyfly1 thanks what a wonderful response.

As a dc from a very bitter marital split, I and my siblings have never judged ow (now step-mum) as we know our dad and have no idea what line of bulls**t he fed her. Though I guess my mum would have a different perspective.

My ex-h had affair leading to split, she knew he was married (ffs she was married too) so no sympathy/empathy from me even now.

As earlier poster pointed out, we can choose not to continue with an affair however painful it may be.

Here here McD don't think you need to explain yourself to such an extreme reaction as most of us are here 'TO SUPPORT AND ADVISE ONE ANOTHER. ' as prettyfly says.
Funny how gnd felt she had been hard done by when i hadn't seen the whole story when i said she had two affairs rather than two emotional ties, if only she looked at the whole story she may realise how idealistic her comments are!

ahh - fanks!!