I've been seeing a man for around 6 weeks. I'd really appreciate some honest opinions, particularly from anyone who has experienced something similar.
He lives around 100 miles away, but he makes the effort to drive over to see me most weekends and ive been to his. He takes me out, we do things together, he's affectionate and he's told his mum and friends about me. He puts loads of effort into the dates.
So there are plenty of positive signs, and I don't want to ignore those.
However, his communication is very different depending on where he is.
When he's at work, he messages regularly, calls me babe, sends kisses and hearts, asks how I am and will often send several messages if I don't reply. He also lets me know when he's busy or going into meetings.
But when he's at home, particularly evenings and weekends, he can go hours without replying and sometimes i dont hear from him until the next day once he has finished work. Sometimes I don't hear from him at all until the following morning. Hes been ill alot tired and thats usually his reasons. I dont need texts all the time, but the pattern has made me question things
I appreciate that tiredness and changes in routine could explain some of this.
There were two weekends in particular that really bothered me.
Around his birthday, he said he was ill, and his communication was really vague. I'd sent him birthday presents, but it took four days for him to open them all. I felt quite hurt because I'd made an effort and didn't feel particularly acknowledged but i didnt bring it up.
The weekend before that, I was due to drive up to see him. He barely communicated on Friday evening, then on Saturday said he was feeling ill. I was supposed to arrive around 2pm, but i didnt hear from him 12pm.
He has frequently brought up his male mate seeing a few women and says he thinks it's awful and disapproves.
I know none of these things individually proves anything. He makes a genuine effort to see me, and I do believe he enjoys spending time with me and has said he wants to build something but my cut is saying something else here. But I can't help wondering whether he could be seeing or entertaining someone else as well.
We haven't actually agreed to be exclusive yet, which is something I know I need to clarify but he has said he will ask me to be his gf soon.
I've been cheated on in previous relationships, including by men who introduced me to their mums and friends, so those things don't automatically reassure me.
My questions are:
- Have you experienced a man who is very attentive during working hours but distant at home and at weekends?
- Am I reading too much into the changes in communication?
- Would you be concerned, or would you put it down to tiredness and a new work routine?
I'd really appreciate honest opinions, including if you think I'm overthinking things.